the stay

it's horrendous.. it always is.. especially if it's ur first time to stay in that building which houses so many docs and nurses and of course sick ppl like me...

i was never hospitalised before... and sometimes when we study in BS and when jambu said that all the patient wants is just a chat and some kind assurance, i begin to understand why... i've stayed for 3 nites and 4 days after a massive gastroenteritis (layman's term:diarrhoea).. i'm down with an e coli infection and of course i suffered terribly with a record breaking toilet visit of 17 times in a day till i couldn't walk anymore... my butt is sore and at times my stomach makes noise as loud as a trumpet.. u don't need a stethoscope to auscultate cuz u'll go deaf... it's just as loud as a elephant's snort...

but i had xandra who never failingly came to visit me throughout my stay in hospital.. she came from morning till evening.. and i appreciate it a lot.. she kept me company on days when i felt that i was the most lonely person with no one to talk to... and in fact sometimes if there's no one else to talk to, you can actually cry yourself to bed because it's just depressing... i realy do appreciate it a lot... thank you dear..

what i did in bed was to talk to the person beside me... in fact i have a story to share with you all a true story... unabridged.. the best i could remember cuz the patient came in only on my last nite i'm gonna spend in hospital and i'm checking out the next day so we chatted till 1am.. and i was attracted to their story.. it's mix of love, tragedy, marriage and parenting...

the patient next to me was the ex deputy general manager of TNB.. yeah.. tenaga nasional.. and he came in with his wife who accompanied him... total accumulated clerking history time: 5/6 hours..

both of them met in uk back then during the japanese occupation.. she was 24 and so was he... he was studying in london polytechnic as an engineer and she, in bristol university in a degree in teaching.. they were of both opposite character... she, an introvert and he, a complete extrovert... in fact they were of opposites in many ways... she's a christian.. a very strong one.. and he, a buddhist a very strong one as well.. along the way of reliving back her youthful memories of dates at the cafe, drinking only tea cuz it's cheap and refillable and recounting back those days when he took her to the theater watching black and white screenings of the latest movie in town, she did shed a tear or two...

she came to know him from a friend of hers.. and since being an introvert, she rarely engaged herself in social nights or any function that normally brought the malaysian community together there at that time.. mind you during the colonial days, the no of malaysian students who were able to go to the uk to study were very very rare... so since the community was small everyone seem to know everybody... but he was a totally diff personality.. he was an extrovert who enjoyed parties and flirting with numerous girls dancing with them till the dance floor closed...

so both of them met somewhere at central london in 1953/4 through an acquaintance.. and he was dating another girl during that time and so was she, also seeing another guy.. but she was struck by his outwardness, his ability to express himself.. and his extrovertness at the beginning which she found was a bit too much to be tolerated, later began to enjoy his company day after day... then when both sides found out that even though they knew they were attached with someone else, they both took their chances together...

-here she didn't elaborate what 'took their chances' mean... i tried to press on but of course it's P&C-

her friend warned her about their differences.. even to the tiniest bit of religion and upbringing.. but she had faith... or was it blind faith that saw her through every tragedy that later came into her life with the man whom she put her life into... they both had a son.. one son.. their only child at the age of 30.. they were married at 26.... and it was then with the arrival of their son, which then spurn a story of mixed emotions, one that's filled with love, tragedy, arguements and distrust.. but it was then that she told me she found there was a god who guided them through every single rough patch in their life...

they fought over which school should their son go to.. they fought for which religion should the son be exposed to... and she knew that he attended church becuase he wanted to please her and not because he was a servant of god.. but she kept quiet and so did he.. little by little, differences that built up along the way that wasnb't expressed soon erupted when the son reached his turning point in life.. his tertiary education... what both wanted their son to become.. suddenly both parties couldn't compromise anymore...

she wanted her son to be a doctor and he wanted their son to be an engineer... and she recalled their bitter fights and his bitter scolding of harsh words in cantonese that inflicted wounds that were so deep that she cried everytime when she goes to bed... their son in the end went to edinburgh to do medicine and now is a specialist in a hospital in canada... but then they both fought becuase of their differences in everything... he compromised a lot in order the marriage to go on smoothly and so did she.. but we are humans.. and there will be a point when we all reach our peak and then we break.. and so did she...

it was then she found god by her side... guiding her throughout her ordeal.. she was hospitalised for stroke back then in the 1980's and whenever she felt alone, she always called out to god... and her favourite quote to me which i remembered real clearly was 'God is great... not a second early not a second late...'

they both made it through their marriage after years of differences but they both know one thing.. that marriage is of sacrifice and sown with heartfelt love... now he's admitted with a stroke that cost him his hearing on one side of the ear.. we became fast friends becuase i was watching how nadal nearly got upsetted by andy murray and he shared the same passion in commenting on tennis matches though both of us played no tennis at all... our friendship of being hospitalised together sparked off in that manner..

but before i left, she left something hanging for me to think about... she said...

- what if i followed the other man and not him? what if i obeyed and took my friend's advice?-

i had no answer... and all she ended it very well...

-we make choices sometimes we don't know of.. if we would have known do you really think we would cherish the ones we have beside us now? i took the road less taken.. now it's your turn.. use it wisely-

i left with millions of questions running through my head.. it's the 'what if's' that always keep us pondering...

but as i said earlier, if there's the 'what if's' there's no joy and happiness in life.. for everyday will be a joyful day and the day of sadness shall not come... but god made us into flesh and blood and a mankind of feelings.. and i know, he will look over everyone of us in anyway in whatever religion to guide us through the rightful path in life...

And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.

Isaiah 58.11