a better place tomorrow

that's my pledge for the day...
for the month....
for the year...
for the rest of my life... till i find peace within myself....
my neighbour has always been my good friend, derek he is called... we played badminton together since we were still in school, and he being 5 yrs older than me, those days i thought he always bullied me when we were playing... but boy... he's already doing his own business now in computing and i'm already in uni... those days we played badminton till it was too dark to see the shuttle even with the help of the streetlamps... then we sat down on the grass at the field talking football...
then he comes on and off to repair my com and helped me do the networking of my house's 2 coms and 2 laptops... we did the routing and i once towed his volks with my iswara to the workshop.. we did many things together as friends and neighbours.. he certainly does have profound influence on me.. somehow or rather, i always listen to what he has to say.. and we could talk till the wee hours in the morning feeding our neighbourhood dog before he left on the missionary trip round the world....
we talked just now and i just had to blog a bit on his experience... we only had a short chat but he left me with such a great impression that we should join hands to create a better tomorrow...
he toured australia, eygpt, thailand, just to name a few.. he went practically half the world, using his own savings... i initally thought that he was sponsored by the church... but then it turned out that he used most of his savings and along the way, he asked for sponsors in his own... so it's much a rather own effort....
why? why do such things? well, how much can u save and go on a trip round the world with savings on ur own and with just a little help from others? what inspired him to do so?
to know the sufferings and knowing we are part of the world to make it a better place to live in... a better place tomorrow... making the world a better place...
'when u graduate to be a doc, join me and the rest... help those who needed it most... doctors without borders... give it a thought...'
in eygpt, there were so many poor ppl without proper food and clothing.. without proper sanitation.. without love to be shared with...
in the thailand borders, there were refugee camps for those refugees who ran away due to the thailand mynmmar conflict and thus leaving the ppl there without proper identification and homeless... they were helped by the UNHCR.. but those ppl have to home, no land... nothing to look forward to...
and when i thought back on what i had for dinner... which me and mum went to the ramadhan stalls to buy.. i bought nasi lemak with rendang daging and kari ayam.... ayam percik, coconut water... and to know the amount of food i eat for tonight's dinner could feed 6 ppl in eygpt... i could save 6 ppl's lives with my meal tonight, which i ate all by myself...
'will you lend in a hand? will you make the world a better place tomorrow?'

SOME SIMPLE QUESTIONS IN LIFE YIELD THE TOUGHEST ANSWERS.

i will.. but becuase of what? guilt? that i have a part to play in the mess happening in the world? passing exams in medical school is already taking it's toll.. but i should be ever motivated to study harder... those children who are eager to study but don't have the chance to do so... poverty at it's hardest...
why then the wealthy moghuls of eygpt and the middle east don't help? why do we have to fly across continents to save other ppl when their own ppl don't give a hoot? humanity? where has it gone to?
there are always questions that will keep us pondering on what the appropriate answer should be... trying hard to make some sense to myself, i cna't still come to a conclusion why poverty still exist in our very own world... if one man would share his wealth and love, and if this act of goodwill is spread throughout the world, it would make it a better place... why then it takes so hard for mankind to do that?
greed... we always hunger for more.. we want more even though we can't digest any further... like my dinner today which i would rather starve to save the lives of 6 other ppl...

i would

and i will....

dear God, may i pass my day with Your grace and sail through medical school knowing that i'm such a lucky person to be given a chance to have a proper education and to lead a good life. in turn, i would share whatever that i have within my means to make the world a better place not for my children but Your children. i shall always remember the sufferings of others and that i am a wealthy man not because of the amount of gold that i have but because You told me so. try as hard as i may to make some sense, i know that You will be with me during the darkest hour.

a prayer it is as a beacon of hope... god bless you all...

just plain thankful...

been some time since i blogged... if u say 1 week as being 'some time'... ahhaa... just too much to study lar... microbio, immuno, patho... and with pbl's twice in 1 week now.. and i haven't even prepare for it yet since it's being postponed to next monday... shit.. this is not good.. and sumore tmw have to play for my batch in the chess tournament... 1 day gone... this is seriously not looking good in my prospects...
so, what to blog about? this is sooo out the question... ahaha.. but then got so many things happened the past 1-2 weeks or so... i guess it's never ending if u blog day by day.. but i just have to say that i'm thankful for what i'm having now...
first, i have to say that i donated blood.. not in imu but at xan's church programme organised to find potential bone marrow donor for one of their church member who's suffering from leukemia... dad didn't want to go and of course, i kept my mouth shut about going and thought of just pop up and give her a surprise but then she saw me walking into the cafeteria.. argh... lost the element of surprise..=P anyway, donating there means i'm not able to donate at the imu's blood donation drive but it's ok... no diff at all... a donation is still a donation...
so... besides being upset about the recent IMU cup squash event which i took part in, basically everything is running smoothly... just plain happy these few days... having lunch with xan practically everyday and yes... today we went to endah for lunch... and boy... ate like super alot lar.... then later drop by at the soya shop which i had tau foo fa... then it's back to library to pitch my tent again till it's time to go home..
ahaha.. guess that's all to blog.. can't think of anything and besides, have to sleep early.. tmw have to play again.. crap.. just hope that this time they play FAIR game all the way.. pissed of them playing 'strategy' lar... ehehe..
that's all for now.. c ya folks!

in the case of un'claret' thinking

i remembered vividly in 1999 british open final day when jean van der velde literally handed paul laurie his first BO title... he was leading 3 shots on the final hole when i triple bogeyed it and went into a playoff with paul, and justin leonard... and he lost...
moral of the story? if jean would have hit 7 iron all the way and wound up with a double bogey on that par 5 hole he could have won.... but he threw the claret jug away cuz he thought he could have won if he hit the driver hard and straight.... but damn it.. somethings are just pure common sense...

so why am i telling this story?

it's easy to laugh when atheletes like jean make such big mistake in a $4.7 million major tournament and with nearly 2 million ppl watching his game life over satellite broadcast.... but one will not know what's going thru a person's mind during such tense moments in a game...

and i had experienced it all over again last sat in the pj open...

ok.. first, my 2nd round opponent is from the navy... so i'm playing with a naval personnel... from his outlook, he's prob in his 30's and he came directly from jalan duta courts after playing in the kl league... so he's already had 2 games in duta courts and then played another game before playing with me....
so heck, i thought he's already u noe.. tired after having 3 rounds of squash in one day... and boy... how wrong was i...
ok.. everytime when someone loses, there will always be a scapegoat... don't care be it the referee or the court got 'charmed' or the weather in the court is just tooo humid....

heck... i lost with all the conditions favourable to me... except for the fact that i wasn't too used to playing in air conditioned courts but it's still favourable cuz u don't get tired easily on cool weather...

i blamed the ref at first for upsetting my game... i was trailing like 5-2 on the first set when he gave a stroke rather than a let... i was damn friggin sure it was a let lar... so i was practically upset with his decision and soon i found myself trailing 7-2... then my opponent hit some pretty good shots and i thought he would have already kaput after having 3 games in a row... but then his stamina was first class and din pant at all... only then i realise shit... my opponent was more physically prepared compared to me... i tried answering his shots by trying to place tight shots to the back but then it all ended up hanging lose.... 5 mins later i lost the 1st game 9-2...
i stormed out of the court.... blinded by the fact that the ref was the one who handed the game away... but then leroy was there and he said that i was playing like 'rubbishshitplaywithnostrategybangingballsleftandright'.. and the ref was making the RIGHT calls...
now... i'm already mad with the ref and leroy says... 'ref's right'
i'm like 'wtf....................'
i've told myself many a times that refs are still human... capable of making mistakes and yeah... even though how shitty he refs the game, i shouldn't let it affect me one bit....

but it sure as hell did...

i was watching the match between elroy and ivan yuen earlier when i thought that sometimes refs are just sooo blind and just made the mistakes cuz of crowd pressure... but the refs that they used for my game according to leroy is a very experienced player...

so that leaves me NO excuses at all for my lost....

i was bugged by the fact that he awarded lets when i felt it was a stroke and vice versa... i tried to slow the game down but then he's got answers to all my shots... and by the time halfway thru the 2nd set, his supporters were cheering him on whenever he made me fall or when he won a point.. and bloody hell i fell and scraped my knee twice...

i lost 2-9, 6-9 and 0-9...

0-9 on the final set....

i was nearly in tears by the time i was trailing on match point... i just lost hope... what happened to all the daring and pushing myself to the limit play? i was just simply outclassed by a better opponent...
an opponent who played 3 games before me and could beat me on the final set with me taking no points from him.... and he's a 30+ married man and i'm only early 20's... so what he's got and i don't have? testosterone level? or what i've got and he don't have? physical prowess?

anxiety, fear and ego

i lost because of the three factors above... i knew if i played my usual game, i could at least take it to a 5 settle... i knew deep down i could hold this guy but i was anxious to win... i wanted to win so badly i forgot how to play squash... i just felt horrible after the lost... argh...
blaming others over one's lost is not uncommon.. but taking the blame of defeat is something i have to learn all over again... and it's so painful to play rubbishly with xan watching... i feel bad that she came all the way only to see me throw the game away just like that... it's just not what i wanted the game to turn out.. even if i had lost with a true fight, i would be happy... but it was not in this case... i knew if i remained calm and composed, i could at least have a 50-50 chance...

and here i make a promise that i shall not play like this during imu cup... the win will go to M106 and i will always and forever play the game that i promised myself to play all these times... i've made these kinda mistakes sooo often i lost count of them...

there's always another game ahead... the season starts tomorrow.. that's always good to hear especially after a loss in no matter what sport it may be... and so i shall put this lost behind me and focus on what lies ahead... and i'm always glad that there are wonderful people beside me supporting and keeping an eye on me... i'm really grateful for that especially xan....

have to go back to my virology notes now... it's been hard sometimes concentrating on studies cuz my mind will drift back to the courts in astaka replaying those heart shattering moments when i threw it all away...

and here i vow it will not happen again.... ever....

and so i shall FIGHT!!!

I SHALL NEVER GIVE UP EVEN THOUGH I AM 2 SETS DOWN

I SHALL NEVER GIVE UP EVEN THOUGH I AM SUFFERING FROM CRAMPS

I SHALL NEVER GIVE UP EVEN THOUGH THE REFREE/MARKER IS SOME STUPID SHIT IDIOT WHO CAN'T REF PROPERLY

I SHALL FOREVER KEEP MY COOL IN MY GAME AND PLAY AN INTELLIGENT MATCH

I SHALL PLAY WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND GIVE 110% IN EVERY POINT

I SHALL NOT THROW AWAY POINTS AND SERVICES EASILY

I SHALL ALWAYS KEEP CALM AND NOT RUSH FOR ANY SHOTS. DELAY IS THE KEY

OH GOD PLS DO NOT LET ME FREEZE OR PANIC IN COURT BECAUSE MY OPPONENT CAN HIT HARD SHOTS

FINALLY, GOD BLESS THOSE WHO PLAY IN THIS TOURNAMENT AND BLESS EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM TO HAVE A SAFE GAME

F-I-G-H-T TILL I HAVE TO CRAWL OUT OF THE COURT, I SHALL NEVER GIVE UP EASILY

NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!! I SHALL PUT MY TEARS, SWEAT, BLOOD INTO EVERY SINGLE GAME THAT I PLAY......

saturday 9/9/06 2.40pm, astaka pj courts here i come.... i will try my best to not put anyone down especially MYSELF!!!

GOD BLESS.....

CLOSE CALL.. MY 4 SECONDS THAT NEARLY KILLED ME

i flitted with the angel of Death today... too close but not close enough... but it was enough to traumatise me for half a min with traffic coming the other way of the road and not doing anything... if cats have 9 lifes, i prob have used up one of it..
i wasn't driving too fast as i recalled... just that i got a msg from mum asking me to go back home for dinner, which i was already on the way back so i contemplated in replying her msg... which in the end i didn't reply... it was just a loss of concentration off the road for bout 2 seconds? while i took the cornering into kesas.. my car was a bit out of line i know.. it wasn't actually on the right driving line for a corner and i guessed i know i prob can't take the corner at such a line and at such speed, so i braked...

and i prob braked too hard...

and my car spun 540 degrees....

i swear that the 4 seconds that my car was literally flying out of control, i could only think of cutting my wheels right but for some reason, my steering was stuck... prob if i recorrected my steering, i would have drifted down the slope and smash into the bus stop.. or was it that i'm now imagining things that din actually happen...
since my wheels din cut back right, i spun 540 to the left till my car faced the opposite direction of the traffic... prob it was divine intervention that saved me for if i turned my steering, i prob would have crashed into the barricade and fall right down to the highway... and i'm damn shit sure swear i would prob lived today as my last...
if i would have crashed into the barricade and fall down to the highway, it would be like what.. a 10 meter drop? i'm lost for words now for how lucky i was that god spared my life today... or was it that i was carrying with me a four sided clover leaf that xan bought for me... i was just pure lucky today... and to the merc BEV 5401?/ 5410? who was behind me who managed to break in time and not smash into my front, i thank your angels who guarded you from accident and as well guarded me from being taken away by death.. i'm sure u know that your speed as well from that cornering would have easily landed myself in icu or instant death if we would have collided... somehow, divine intervention was there preventing an accident that would have happened...

and for half a min i just gripped my steering so hard that my knuckles were pale white as ghost...

i just didn't breath... as other cars slowed down to see why there's a car on the opposite direction of the traffic, it then only came to my realisation that my car had spun... i just simply lost control... and it's a mistake that i guarantee myself out of 1 million times i would only make it once.. or maybe one in a zillion... i just hit the brakes too hard and the wheels just locked... and i swear that the screeching sound is still here in my head as the world in front of me went in a merry go round...
i thank god once more that i didn't fetch anyone today... if i would, and if anything happened, i would be sorry for the rest of my life... at least if i had made my own mistake and paid for it, it's still ok... but to let others suffer for my mistake is something that i can't take...
i thank god and his guardian angels for being with me today... and the lucky 4 sided clover leaf that kept me safe... it was prob a timely gift and that god spared my life.. and i swear that the 4 seconds when my car spun, i was imagining that it was my last day of living...
you'll never know when your time is up... steve irwin didn't know he would be killed by one of the most safest marine life, the stingray... and i didn't know i would have spun out of control today and not being hit head on by a merc...
if something would have happened to me today, i wasn't able to tell mum and dad how much i love them, my sister how much i love her, my other relatives, my girl friend, my buddies from school and in imu as well... i survived today prob cuz i have done something great in the past that god spared my dear life today...
one will not noe what will happen tmw or the next hour or next min... take the day as it comes.. and never hesistate to tell someone how much they mean to you for u will never know what will happen...
love you all.... and thank god for looking over my shoulders today...

MBPJ squash open 2006

yohoo!!!!
it's here... starting on 9/9/06 for the men's open category... well, the schedule is like playing on 9/9/06 at 6pm first round, then second and third round is on 10/9/06 9am and 7pm then quarters on 11/9/06 6.30pm, semis on 12/9/06 at bout 5.30pm and finals on 13/9/06 at 7pm... of course lar got the plates event but then the time wasn't given by the organisers so what the heck lar... i guess i should be looking forward to the plates rather than the main draw... =*( cuz there is definitely a good chance i think i might lose after round 1... haih.. should be more pumped up!! today's training was like on form wei... or maybe it's just samuel today off form... but then, just pray hard i can perform just as well as today or maybe better on the day of the competition itself... i hope so...
so my first opponent will be a guy max choong on 9/9/06 6pm... it's playing on a saturday 6pm.. damn out wei.. can't they like make it in the morning of afternoon.. my family dinner gone liao... and luckily i told dad it's like on the first week of school so he said still ok lar.. studies not yet damn kau kau deep yet... sem 2 redi wei... squash should take the back seat.. but then..... been training for like soooooo long for PJ open.. can't lose this chance...=P
how can i not look forward for it? i snapped my beloved ashaways about a week ago and now i've got a prince 18 on 28 poundsthat hasn't got 'conditioning' yet... i need to go and hit more balls lar... it's just a bit too tight... was debating on whether to change to my fav technifibre or not but then seems like my chief coach is giving this string to me free of charge... it's like RM55 wei this string... so what the heck lar.. it's free.. din think twice...=P but the feel is not as good as technifibre 18 or ashaway micro.. maybe need some time to accustom to it...
so okok... been busy this whole week, with orientation and all.... went for the IMCC variety nite yest and came back quite late act... but today have to get up at 8 for training... argh... i need back my beauty sleep...zZzzZZZZ..... din stay for my gp's imcc performance lar but then our gp performance went a bit unexpected lor.. kevin got raped not even the middle of the dance yet... wasted our effort practicing the dance steps...
neway, have to be mentally pumped up for next week's game... it's like my year long effort in putting my heart into training for a 5 day comp... have to at least reach quaters lar... if i play well, then i will meet my chief coach's son, elroy at the quaters on monday... ehehe... hope can win my rounds lar... if i do, then elroy, see u then...=P
okok have to eat lunch now.. later go granny's place to deliver the vegetarian dish my mum cooked... then back to uni for bbq nite... then maybe if got time go over to ristina's place a while for her bday party.. then come home and sleep.... hope can tahan lar today... but think i'm getting used to it...
semangat IMU membara di pj open... yey! cheer for me fellas...=P