journeys in life

it's 9.45 am...

i'm having pharmaco notes in front of me.. but i can't stop to put something here what my very heart is feeling now...

it seems to be only a couple of months since we started uni again.. but it already seems like half a year has gone by... maybe it was the numerous exams we have to take and we took 3 exams already... tmw is the forth... and i've been trying very very hard to get an A... oh god pls look over my shoulders tmw...

and there's something else that i'm thinking of... whether am i still the one whom you've been thinking of before going to bed and whether do the stars above still provide you with warmth and comfort that they have promised...

it's now that i understand i'm still not matured enough like a 21 yr old... and do things with an impulsive nature that sometimes leave my family members, relatives, friends and you hurt with remarks that i've made... i used to have a bad temper and now i've tried my best to keep them in check before i lose it... and i've still got a long way to go in my journeys in life and still got a lot more to learn...

i'm proud and happy to have a bunch of really good friends in imu to share the experience of learning medicine and sharing our journeys in life together... i'm thankful i have a great family and relatives who supported me with their never failing love and trust even though i've also hurt them in some ways.. and lastly, i've always looked up above and send a silent prayer to you to let you know how much u mean to me and that i'm always there for you...

there's nothing in life that can be certain... but the thing that makes us who we are, are the things that we go thru together... thru thick and thin... to those who still take me as their friend after i've made remarks that didn't mean to make, to those who still care for me even though i didn't show enough care in return, to those who tried to mould me into a better person but i just ignored thinking that i'm already good enough, and to those who still love me for all the faults i've made and that i'm not perfect and accepted me as who i am, i'm sorry... i'm trying very hard in improving myself... it's something honestly said from me...

i've always tried to be honest in whatever i do... comments that i've made... actions that i've done... maybe it's because my dad has thought me that honesty will not leave you worrying what have you said to someone... because you know that you mean what you say...

i believe in life there's always a time we will look back and reflect what we did in the past... i have put my thoughts this very morning here so when i'm in doubt again and when i feel that everything is working against me, i've always had a group of good friends (my sec school mates, f6 friends and imu) to help me out... the heart is too small to be filled with unhappy things... but it's always big enough to pour in some love and care... and i'm trying to put these wonderful things into those i feel whom i will stand by them just as they will stand by me in times of need...

i wear my heart on my sleeve maybe cuz life is short... if we do really care and mean to do it for someone, there's nothing wrong in doing it and showing how much you care... as long as it's honest and true from the heart... i feel that's the most important thing... i wouldn't mind showing to my friends how much i care for them becuase i really do... it's always great to have ppl around you who care and love you... i wouldn't want to look back some day and regret that i've not given my all to those who deserve the friendship, care and love from me...

at times of course i'm down and out, and sometimes the only thing that makes me happy is to play squash till i dropped... i remembered when kh ong was my coach when young, he pushed us like how he pushed his son... till we all had to crawl out from the court panting for breath... i love the way how i have to go for every ball in court... maybe cuz it shows that every ball i take is every chance i take and i don't wanna lose it... i appreciate what i have with me... especially you xan...

to all those who feel who has made an impact in my life, to those who reads my blog to know me better, to those who have worked their way out of their paths to help me and to those who forgave and accepted me for who i really am, you have a very big heart...

thank you very much... god bless u... you have my honest friendship, companionship and trust in return...

lastly, i'm happy with everything that i have with me and what i'm doing now... regrets we all have a few but it's how we pick up ourselves and cherish what we have that's with us now...

love you...
muaks dear....=)

p/s my 21st bday pics will be uploaded after exams... when i have the free time during cvs...

i'm sorry

will you forgive me?

i've turned 21 2 days ago...

it's a real big thing for me.. but being 21 means i have to be responsible for what i have done and for the actions that i've taken...

but i realised at such an age... i'm still making foolish mistakes... it's no more the days when you just can smile innocently and get away with a sorry...

i know this time i botched it up pretty bad... and i know a word of sorry isn't all gonna do good...

i've hurt ppl's feelings along the way throughout my schooling life.. i've hurt them because of comments that i've made that didn't go thru my brains and mind before i shoot out at others...

and worst of all i pulled the plug on a day which i felt was the most happiest day of my life... and i threw it all away...

a person's heart is as delicate as glass... a simple knock can shatter and spill it's inside... it's the saddest thing to know that the glass that just broke was the one whom i've poured my love into it and am still pouring into...

i'm sorry... and this comes from a honest heart from me to you... i'm so so sorry...

it shall not happen again.. i promise..

i know i'm not perfect... and i've made mistakes... and the worst thing is that i'm making it on you... i want you to know that i'm very sorry...

i love you... i do.. now and always...

starry night

Weary eyed I took a stroll
Though was late, but work has taken its toll
I needed a break and to the field I went
In search for the stars that leads me to neverland
I cried to the stars littering the skies at night
I wished I could pause awhile and enjoy the sight
But tonight the sky is veiled by jealous clouds
I stood and stared with increasing doubts
Of late the sky has been crying
And the clouds above have veiled your feelings
Gone when I could see your lovely jewels
Where each and everyone shone brightly as pearls
Your beauty is one that never lies
I’ve enjoyed watching you beyond the distant skies

Where have you been my beloved star?
You’ve been my guide near and afar
With you’ve been veiled I’ve lost my way
I’ve been circling wildly lost for days
Each night I’ve waited with little thought
What agony to me this wait has brought

And as though you have heard my cries
I caught a glimmer of you up high
Your light was faint but it persevered
Like how you taught me when everything went weird
I stood there entranced by your beauty
The clouds cleared and your sight is heavenly

Little by little you light the heavens
Your beauty has always captured my imaginations
You fill my hearts with warmth and wonder
For your presence with me is forever
Wherever I am you’ve always been my guide above earth
Back to a place where I’m warm with love
Your magic never fades throughout the years
Your light shall be my guide through all my fears
And when I’ve lost hope like I always do
Your tiny beacon of light still shines brightly through

I’ve stood and stared long enough a time
To have thought of this poem as a nursery rhyme
Your presence above has been a gift from God
It’s you the stars in loneliness I sought
You make me realize that even in the darkest of night
Your guidance will lead me through with my burdens light

Here now I walk into a home
Knowing there’s you’re always there when I’m alone
O' stars I shall seek you dearly
For you will forever be in my heart eternally

Wan Jen Lye

11/11/06

i'm staring at my blog page with nothing in mind to blog about...

should i blog about what transpired during the nursing week? neh... everybody's blogging about that.. mine's just about similar but not the same though... but if u read a few of them u will know that mine's roughly the same.. just diff wards and slightly different things we did... but we still took bp, temp and pulse and assisted whenever we can...

well since there's nothing on my mind, and i currently not in the mood of the ah pei kinda blog and i'm kinda drained after camping in the library today, i'll just have a run of the mill kinda style of blogging...

so what's in my mind now? eat... cuz now it's already 7pm and i'm waiting for mum to go out with me for dinner... it's just dinner with mum tonite cuz sis got some prefect dinner and dad's in a meeting... well... i guess i'm getting used to it... think tonite's dinner will be at yu kee bak kut teh..=P it has just rained and the weather is a bit chilly so well, bak kut teh will be the right choice!=P speaking of food, nothing beats ss14... bak kut teh alone got 7 shops, tai chau got about 4 also, mamak got 4, petrol station got 3(which means car washing service also got 3), u can now even buy a proton car cuz we have a showroom here now(that's where i got my wira), u can do the laundry, repair ur shoe with the cobbler, buy reloads, and we have the clinic... 2 in fact on the very same row...

this is seriously boring... ahahaha... cuz i don't noe what to blog... if i start about nursing week, i'll definitely be emo wan... see how patients suffer from all types of disease from COPD to mental disorder to SLE to hydronephritis to Hodgkin's lymphoma.. it's seriously pitiful to look at their condition much less be in their shoes and know what they are going thru.. we are just like from the outside looking in... there's more suffering than what meets the eye...

i'm trying to carve a poem out from my granite head but i just can't... ain't know why.. on some days it comes out fluid as water and on some days, i spent days trying to write about something but it's just not coming out... i'm tired perhaps.. been waking up early to seremban and then back to library to catch up on what i've left out and this and that... i guess after summ2, i will have to take a break... this time i'll prob just spend a day in the club doing some swimming and eating lunch off the plate served beside the swimming pool sipping iced lemon tea.. ahaha.. i'm just dreaming! oooopppss! but nothing wrong wat... everyone has got to have their sanctuary... to feel safe sometimes whenever things are getting tough... i guess my sanctuary is just golf and a relaxing swim and prob catch a movie and later of the night stroll on my field praying hard that there's no clouds so i could catch the stars again....

always remember guys, when u feel lost sometimes, always look up above into the velvet sky and be mesmerised by the beauty of the stars that glitter like jewels far more than any price we could pay on earth... that's beauty and that's an everlasting beauty...

Happy 50th bday Mum!

Ah...

First of all defination of TGIF= Thank God It's Fridays...

My defination of TGIF after everything(makan and paying bills) = Thank Goodness I'm FAT! and Froke!!! (short for Friggin Broke)...=P

I've got intoxicated by unlimited rounds of coke, a bunch of bottomless french fries, one big slab of beef and chicken, some choc shake that taste like mc flurry's and a quarter of a piece of cake...

It's mum's bday! and it's her 50th bday... i have to say we are very happy about it cuz it's half a century old! can't imagine once u put out the word 'century' it sounds terrible old but...

yeah... 50 IS OLD...=P sorry mum...

so what we had was we went to TGIF at subang parade and were USHERED in.. wow... can't u believe it... tsk tsk.. cuz i told them in advance that my mum is coming... 'make way for the queen'... so we had like 3 TGIF ppl coming and usher us to our seats...

ah... u can't imagine the crowd on a monday nite.. in fact rite.. i later found out that there were already 4 bdays before us... (they came in during lunch hour) and after dinner i found out that my mum was the 12th time they sang happy bday to.. wow.. so many ppl bday on the 6th of nov... when were were dining, it heard at least 5-6 happy bday songs sang by the waiters and waitresses of TGIF... no wonder TGIF is 'the place' to go to...

well, words can't express what we had but then I PAID FOR THE MEAL... ehehhe... u can't imagine how much was the bill but then we ordered oni 3 stuff... my mum and sis shared... me and dad ordered our respective meals and drinks... and it was a whopping RM 149.30!!! and when i found out the tax, i nearly fell dead... tax was RM 21...

well, i guess let the pics do the talking...=P
The TGIF restaurant in Subang Parade... 1st time i'm visiting this restaurant...
Mum and dad taking pic.. wow... both already 50.. damn romantic.. =P
Me and sis cam-whoring while waiting for food to come... ish... this is soooo angelene teo-fungus style... sowee... jkjk!!!! somehow i got infected... ooppss..=P

My wonderful er... chicken and beef grill served with brocolli and mash potato... i hardly can finish my mash potato but i whacked ALL my dad's french fries.. guess fried stuff taste better.. ehehe.. think of the amount of FATS i'm gonna put on...=P








Dad's burger... er... think it's some swiss burger something lar.. can't heck remember already.. i remember whacking ALL his damn fries lar... way much better than Mc D's... i mean DUHHH...
Mum and sis shared this tower fajita thing which they can't finish which I ENDED UP EATING MOST OF IT...
Dad as usual.... just 'TRYING TO BE FUNNY'... trying to tunjuk and flex his muscle... 'I'M STILL MACHO MAN'...
My mum tucking in her fajita tower... seriously rite... never seem my mum eat so much before...
The crew singing to my mum her 50th bday song... mum was pretty surprised...=)
The free cake that TGIF gave to my mum... pretty cool eh... looks nice but seriously taste like crap.. ahaha... think nobody buy that's why they keep giving free cakes...=P
Mum blowing the candle on the cake... HAPPY 50TH BDAY MUM!!!

Dinner: RM 149.30...

The family shot... & ...............................
seeing my mum smile this BBBBIIIIIGGGGG smile............

PRICELESS!!!!

For everything else... you have...............

MASTER CARD / VISA...................................

Yeah... no joke... i'm 'froke' now...=P
it was a great dinner.. and boy.... i'm soooooo full i think i gained 2 kilos after walking out... ah and lastly....

THANK YOU T.G.I.F.!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'VE MADE MY MUM VERY VERY HAPPY TODAY!!!!!

p/s: dear xan... mum told me u called and she was kinda er... shocked but glad to get ur wishes.. er... i din tell her ur heart was racing sooo fast & she din tell me EXACTLY what both of u talked about but she's nevertheless want to say thank you..=)