The Goodbye

She ran down the corridor that lead to the central station, her eyes searching the numbers above the doors that lead out to a maze of platforms. She told herself she wouldn't come; he had asked her not to, it was what he wanted... wasn't it? She had gone to bed refusing to set her alarm, hoping to wake well past the time for changing her mind. As if she would've slept; she tossed in her bed throughout the night, decided to set the clock as a trick to help her sleep, and was still awake when she shut off the alarm a half hour before it would've gone off.

Still she told herself she wouldn't come. They had already said goodbye. Why make it harder for them both?

She was aware of no moment when she had decided; she'd just grabbed her coat and headed to the station in a rush. Now she couldn't find the platform, the numbers don't seem to follow each other the way they should. She ran past a man mopping the corridor floor, then almost collided with a porter wo had just stepped through the swinging doors out onto a platform.

"Please!" she said breathlessly. "Is the the platform for the 6:30?"

"Yes ma'am," he said, "but it just pulled out."

She banged through the doors, from the corridor to the platform.

She didn't see however was her lover's best friend passed through that very moment, two doors away, moving from the platform to the corridor.

She stood on the concrete, damp with chill air of morning, and watched the last cars of the train round the long curve toward the main track, leading away from her, and disappering into the distance.

She thought for that very instant that she saw him, or rather his arm sticking out from the carriage window with her blue handkerchief tied round his shoulder.

She stood there quiet, staring into emptiness as the morning breeze carressed her soft face. Had she fought with herself earlier, she would have seen him for one last time.

All she wanted was to hug him again, to tell him how much she loved him and will wait until he return. She wanted to feel the warmth of his breath and his ever assuring smile to know that he will eventually return to find her, like how she would have done so, if she had to leave as well.

Only had she did it.

She stood still looking out to where the bend of the tracks end, phantoming and hoping the train would somehow turn back.

But it didn't. Her eyes became watery and clouded her sight of the railway track. A tear ran from her eyes down to her cheeks. She fought not to cry but her regrets were too overwhelming.

She had never felt more alone.