圆谎

沉默是久了点谁该先说再见
虽然我早有了准备然而矛盾总难免
我以为能实现让你再快乐点
这些话说到了唇边忍不住泪流满面
真的很难两全其美我们己经试过多少回
避开了争辩却开始了另一种疏远
说一个谎言圆一个谎言我们爱的多么危险
谁也没发现是自己让这份感情毁灭
因为都想被安慰竟然以为承诺能减少眼泪
忘了真心的感觉早已经面目全非

friends for life...

the camera starts with me playing the guitar... with the song 'when you say nothing at all' starting at the background.. i see myself strumming the guitar and the few of us who were there in redang bay having hell lots of fun... it was the 2nd day i remember and we had time to kill before we went for snorkeling and then deep sea fishing... it was still so clear... and we had sai poh, gerald, kitty, brendon, chris, mei zhing, yee ching, suen chi, syn yin, li ying, yee may in the room...

the camera starts with me singing off tune, 'it's amazing how you can speak rite to my heart.....' then the group joins in... and then the camera shifts to kitty and mei zhing... who made obnoxious changes to the songs by adding my name and sai poh's name in it... and me... like we are gay partners lidat... ahaha...

then the camera turns to gerald and sai poh while it brendon's face and chris comes into the picture... chris was trying to say something to kitty but i can't really put a finger to what he was saying... the music starts. and suen chi's face as well as yee may comes into view... a finger of peace which i think was from wendy came into the view as the camera was facing yee ching...

'the smile on your face lets me know that you need me, there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me, the touch of your hands say you'll catch me whenever i fall, you say it best, when you say nothing at all..............'

then it ended up in a pillow fight... with gerald throwing his pillow to brendon and brendon hits chris in the head..

the video then stops.....

this was a little more than 2 years back... i remembered like it was yesterday... the laughters... the song, the lame jokes. the gay times.. whatever you want to call it.. then like it started, it ended just like that... all of us went separate ways, with brendon to uk, suen chi and syin yin in spore and the rest are here... but half of the gang in that room during that day will graduate by next year april...

boy....... how time flies.

i met up with wuan zhu today for breakfast and over bfast we talked about how life was then, when we were carefree regardless of what we do... she is leaving to spore next week after just finishing graduating from bristol 2 months back from law. she got a job in spore and following her boyfriend there to settle down... it was a nice meeting and at one point we were talking politics and economy.. and then it occured to me...

JL: eh.. we talking politics now! i can't believe it i'm having this conversation with you.
WZ: yeah of course. how time flies. gone were the days when it was about gossips and stuff! i remembered when u used to call me and talk rubbish for an hour!

yeah.. time really flies... and i guess it's left with just memories to take us through and like today after i met up for a hearty bfast, i went home then followed mum to sunway pyramid to buy sushi... then over dinner we were talking about how life will be in sban then...

suddenly as what wuan zhu said, how comes a time of separate worries... it's no more about achieving grades.. it's about carrying yourself out there to let ppl know we are worth every bit of penny paid for and then money comes into issue...

money.. $$$ *bling blings* yes... heck.. i don't even know whether dad will use my ptptn money during phase 2 in sban or not.. haih... money...

but then like now, like today, a chat with a very old friend, i looked back on pictures. group photos. videos.. things that all of our form6-ers did when we were together.. like how fat was i last time and got teased like mad for being gay with gerald cuz he's my best buddy...

then this video i saw brought me back my smile.. a smile that i know comes straight from my heart.. a smile so genuine that at the end of the video, i could actually cry because at least i knew i had some really fun and bashful crazy time back then... and it was worth doing my 2 years as a form 6-er... we went thru shit, thru mud, thru every damn dirt and sweat to finish up our 2 years together... that holiday in redang was our last... and yeah, it stayed and it remained close to heart...

i remembered how it was last time that i really wanted to do form 6 and not a levels... surprising huh... that i went in together with gerald, chris and brendon as the subang gang, and these guys i've known since primary school... with gerald my longest buddy since 4 yrs old.. we shared the same class from form 1 till form 6... a good 8 years together.. we know every damn bloody bad habit each and every one had...

but even the best song got to end, all wonderful things have to come to a close and as i look back, this video shows how much we have moved on in our own lives as we go thru our university days... then we will be outside into the cruel world, fighting for our dreams, holding it hard and keeping our heads level to what the challenges might bring...

but like always, this i've always held close in heart.. is a sanctuary of memories of good friendship bonding... never ending, never fading, close to heart...

i drop a tear, but i guess all hard times during studies back then was all worth it... and this video here, i dedicate to U6Sc4 gang... take care my dear friends...

the gang having one last hurrah!

prankster kitty!

best buddies!

KND!

my old junkie car entered the service center on wed and oni today can collect... hospitalised due to multiple prob... and just i got a call from them and guess what...

the tulan bill came up to RM690!

wtf......... i really KND by them and when dad called and asked why the hell so damn ex...

I ALSO KND again.......

what they did was...

a) change timing belt
b) change lock of my back left door
c) change brake pads
d) change black oil and filter
e) change fan belt

and plus manual work and stuff = whopping ass price!!!

my car is old redi.. what to do... haih... btw later i have to send to air cond guy... this car air cond is now not blowing enuf cold air during a hot day... what the hell~

haih... a car is a liability... luckily it isn't some honda, volvo, or even toyota.. if its that, i lagi KND!

what a day...

when you're gone...

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
mMm



i miss you. i really do. muax!

dilemma

the other day leroy msg me and asked whether i want to play national u-23 from 5-7th nov...

u'll prob wonder why i'm not registering... of course i would! until i found out that it's like 7th nov is repro exam...

wtf.............................................................................

and then when say play in duta and not in jalil....

wtf............................................................................. *again*

i wonder i won't make it till the 7th nov game also... prob play on the 5th nite and 6th nite oni.... and repro on the whole oni makes 3.5% of our eos5 marks...

should i go? should i not?

i really want to... not like next year i will get the chance to play also... but that means i might miss menopause and rohini's lecture cuz i think we'll just play the whole day...

aduh... i'm seriously in a dilemma!!!! gulps*

randomness of il divo

been listening to il divo since morning... funny thing is that it's not even christmas yet but i just love to hear their christmas album... ahaha...

but nothing beats their 1st and their ancora album! yippie! i could just keep playing it and dreaming my way waltzing around while plugged into it...

so can anyone guess what's my fav il divo song? clue clue: it's from a very old english song even during my dad's time... and it's a song that my dad always and never failingly sing whenever he goes to karaoke with mum... ahaha... and it's just so nice that il divo resang it and my dad as well is all hooked up to it....

those who can guess... ehehe.. gets a free lunch! =P

randomness....=)

PJ open

tmw is pj open... aih... 1st match at 10am and 2nd match is at 2.30... that's if i win la... funny thing is that i'm feeling so tired and sick rite now...

aduh... fever strike now... blocked nose and joint aches... plenty of phlegm as well... haih.. i'd better go to bed... need everything i have tmw... those free do drop by k? at astaka pj... ahaha...

p/s: dear, so happy to see u... muax! thou it's just walking aimlessly but glad we could spend time before class starts...

muax!

落叶归根

落叶归根

词曲:王力宏

举头望 无尽灰云
那季节 叫做寂寞
背包 塞满了家用
路就 这样开始走
日不见 太阳 的 暖
夜不见 月光 的 蓝
不得不 选择 寒冷的开始
留下 只拥有 遗憾
命运 的 安排
遵守 自然 的逻辑
谁都 无法 揭谜底
喔～ 远离家乡 不甚唏嘘
幻化 成 秋夜
而我 却 像 落叶归根
坠在 你 心间
几分忧郁 几分孤单
都 心甘情愿
我的 爱 像 落叶归根
家 唯独 在 你 身边
但愿 陪你 找回
所 遗失 的 永恒
当 我 开口 你 却 沈默
只剩 一 场 梦

finally i think lee hom has surpassed jay in making mtv.. simple and meaningful... but then, as some say, love is eternal flame... lee hom's ex 'fang bu xia'? ahahaha...

SIPMA games

hey folks...

just a little update on where i'm going to be in the next couple of days...

first of all, this is such a last min thing.. the trials selection and the meetings and stuff lidat... the games that i'll be playing in is the SIPMA games, short for kejohanan sukan institusi pendidikan malaysia... this is the first time the IPTS, which is the private education wing is taking part in this games...
the letter that sends me to kedah... haih.. can it come during a better time?

there are couple of games contested actually.. there are athletics, football, hockey, swimming, squash, bowling and swimming.... so i'll be playing in squash...

there are 7 contingents which are the MSSM, the Majlis sukan institusi pendidikan tinggi swasta, kolej komuniti, institut perguruan, majlis sukan universiti di malaysia, kolej matrikulasi and politeknik uni.

the funny thing is that when we had our meeting in marriott hotel putrajaya, i was the only i mean really the sole guy from IMU... even the cyberjaya college of medicine sends 4 reps for the athletics... what happen la to our IMU ppl? kinda sad actually... but it's kinda cool anyway cuz there are 193 athletes from our private education wing... so it's a big group and get to mix with other athletes from other unis....
the squash athlete team mates...

the biggest contingent was from the TAR college and Uni KL... in fact, we are going to kedah with 2 Uni KL buses... the football team left already and last teams to leave are squash, bowling, and badminton... and all the games are held in University Utara Malaysia in Sintok.. supposedly there's a games village for us there wor... ahaha.. wait and see la...

well, for the squash event, got 5 guys and 5 girls.. and playing round robin style.. so going to play against everyone.. we start of with playing against MASUM at 2pm on the 22nd... the final game day is on the 25th and bus only leaves kedah on 26th... so very very sorry k chan yee pei... i'm so sorry tak boleh attend ur 21st bday dinner...
our round robin time table of our matches for the week...

konon it's my hols but play squash like damn pack lidat.. after this event is the PJ open which runs from 2nd of sept to 6th sept... then have imu cup sumore... haih... PJ open draw is out and i'm playing against paul hong on 2nd sept at 2pm... pack eh... i haven't even watch ocean's 13 finish yet also.. ahaha... and packing for kedah for 7 days is no fun.. don't noe what to pack, trying not to pack so much and worst is that later overpack come back carry like shit... ahaha...
the PJ open draw...

well, i wish those who are having their hols now, enjoy the very last few weeks... it's been hectic for me but i hope u all are enjoying ur electives... which i did, and gained lotsa weight from it... ahaha... and to those who are outstation spending time with your families, i wish u and ur families well... life is fragile and short... that's for sure... u'll never know what's going to happen next...

finally wish me all the best, and pray that the bus driver fetching me isn't a devil on the road! ahaha...=P

cherios!

The Tung Shin experience

Dear Drs.Yap BH, Low EH, Paul Lim, Lam KS, and Chong YS,

First of all, i would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to you all for allowing me to undertake my attachment though i'm still fresh and still don't know most cases you all see.. it's been a pleasure really for it has opened up my eyes in the field of internal medicine, orthopedics, ent, oncology and radiology. thank you very much. it's been a great experience, really and you all have thought me alot of things.

i went in on the 1st of aug under the supervision of Dr. Yap BH and Dr. Low EH... Dr Yap being an internal med specialist, i have to say have exposed me to things that i haven't seen before in my life... the past 2 weeks of medicine i've seen is all under dr yap's cases. though i don't know many things, u have been patiently guiding and teaching me how to pick up clinical signs that i've come to know not only from the textbook but through your 25 years experience as an internal med specialist...

i've seen 3 cases of scleroderma, which according to u, it's once in every 5 years... must be pretty lucky to have seen those, especially when they show the full fledge CREST syndrome with them... and to see how you have treated a 20 yr old pt with renal failure and fits that caused her to bite her tongue till bleed, due to post dengue infection really made me wonder how bad can such cases be... or a 27 year old pt who is a Dr. himself graduated in adelaide as a skin specialist being diagnosed of lung ca. as you've said at times, life is a tough shit...

i've seen procedures like underwater seal, how you puncture the lungs to drain the fluid out... trephine biopsy and bone marrow aspirate for suspected marrow aplasia... ogds and colonoscopy for stomach ca or colon ca... it's been a real eye opener in watching procedures for i will not be able to see when still studying in BJ...

as for the oncology department, i begin to und that NPC is so common like a bread and butter cases for the oncologist. and i've seen hepatoma that has spread to the lungs giving it a classic cannon ball appearance to both the lung fields... lung metastases normally have only 20% of survival rates... and it's such a sad thing to see patients suffer real bad... metoclopramide as we all know is classified as a drug that increase gi emptying but with anti emetic effect... in onco, it's used primarily as an anti emetic.. then you have the lignocaine which we studied as an anti arrythmic but it's used primarily as a local anesthetic in hospital setting... ondansetrone is also used as an anti emetic in the chemotherapy treatment but of course, it's more expensive than the metoclopramide....

cost is a factor that most docs keep in mind in treating the pts... normally those who are admitted are arleady mostly presenting with CCF, pulmonary edema, cardiomegaly and with the textbook findings of kerley b's, bats wing appearance and orthopnoea.... and of course, u get to see some rare cases of tardive dyskinesia which is due to prolonged intake of anti psychotic drugs.... and maybe u're lucky enough, u'll get to see pts with impaired vision due to stroke and get the docs to teach you how to check the pts visual acuity...

bilateral pedal edema is very common here in tung shin... in every 10 pts i visit, 8 will have it for some reason... in the orthopedics, of course we haven't studied it's a real tongue twister in pronuncing the ligaments and bone structures... but after spending bout 5 days in the orthopedic clinic, it's not too bad... there's flexion deformity, varus deformity, OA, ant and post cruciate ligaments, collaterals, meniscus... the list goes on... then u'll just watch as how the doc does his routine checkups on the pts and perhaps if ur lucky, they teach u how to read bone x ray and ct scan of L1-S4

radiology is a real bore.. but then it's a experience.. basically ur work bench is facing a 5 panel x ray board flourescent light, a u/s room, ct scan room and an x ray room... it's a great thing to learn how to read ultrasound under dr chong... differentiating betw a cyst and a growth, which one is a prob metastatic and which is a primary tumor... here, i learnt how to read x ray with great detail... with dr chong as a radiology expert, he teaches u to read mamograms, ct scans, x rays.. yada yada...

my attachment sums up with some real juicy time watching the orthopedic ops... i watched for 3 days during my 2 weeks here... it's no fun cuz u have to stand.. but it's great seeing how an op is done... being able to witness total knee replacement, hip replacement, hip revision, arthroscopy, bone grafting, excision of some subcutaneous tissue that causes pain in the heels makes the attachment here even more interesting...

but of course, while it's good to see these things on a positive note, there are others as well whom defaulted treatment in TB, or be it ca and coming back later with treatment only having to face the scolding by the docs who treated them initially... sometimes, they take a longer time to recover but most ca cases who have defaulted treatment, it's usually a death penalty for the tumor has metastasize... most defaulters, 1 more year they have left...

as what the doctors here say... it's ok to treat the pt and the disease but it's a hell lot tougher to deal with the emotions of the relatives... i mean how would you break news to the relatives of a 20 yr old girl who got ARF due to dengue and having fits, biting her own tongue till her mouth is frothy with blood and having to undergo dialysis due to creatinine levels sky high and prob have to do so for the rest of her life? and rest of her life is with a mean of 10 yrs.. means she'll go at the age of 30? having to tell her mum that she'll need a kidney transplanted to cont living is a real tough shit to deal with...

first time seeing a tumour marker AFP 4,000,000 where the normal reading is within the range of max 30... 4 million... full blown hepatoma... 45 year old only... i mean how tough shit can one face? but on the looks, she looks very ok to me save for her SOB...

so in all there are so many things that i've seen, and a little tricks in the trade that i've picked up from the docs here... ACE inhibitors are better in some pts while the ARB are not that effective... u can also actually put the pts on all the 3 types of diuretics if their HT is off the wall... and of course, once in a while, u get to see huntington chorea.... mitral stenosis and regurge murmur i've heard twice and that collapsing pulse thing, felt once...

a pt with VSD, the smaller the hole, the louder the sound, and palpable thrills can be felt beating onto ur palms as you palpate them on their chest... it's a real thing that i've felt and will not forget the presentation of a thrill, cullen's sign, CREST syndrome, tardive dyskinesia and other rare cases... once u've seen it, u'll not forget...

i guess that once we have chosen this medical field to go into as our life long career, there are things that we have to do to protect our very own sanity.. oncology is a real dog shitty fucked up depressing place to be and it's the worst place to start of with if you haven't been hosp attachment at all... this is because of the naiveness of the patient who ignored the signs and symptoms and come in late in the progression of the disease... most are diagnosed with stage 4 with presence of metastasis... the less depressing ones are the orthopedics... even ent you have the NPC which is now a real common ca case... radiology is the best but u don't interact much with patients and u just do u/s, ct scan and x ray and intepret them.. earn hell lots but get exposed to radiation kau kau.... not worth it in the long run...

equally as depressing is internal med.. u are the jack of all trades and by being so, u mostly see pts of terminal illnesses of every damn thing... but mostly those patients who send u up the wall are those who default treatment... and screw up and expect u to pick up from where they left off... really sometimes PIA(pain in the arse)...

so back to the point... seeing patients of critical stages, sometimes as a med student, we have pledge to do our best for them, to save them, to help.. but at times the most simplest help is to do nothing.. and being a person whom i would never give up it's real fucking hard at times to just sit and stare for the only treatment u noe is palliative care... u put up a brave front on the pt and their relatives, and then choke back tears as you enter the staff lift, away from the public appearance.. there u can cry, or u can curse or can just stare through the windows wondering how helpless it can be even to the best doctors in town...

sometimes it's just as what i said earlier, tough shit...

i've finished today my 2 weeks in tung shin... it's good to expose ourselves but one thing i realise is that we have to accept sometimes that do no harm to the patient is as simple as doing nothing and watching them live their lives off being happy and not receiving treatment... it's the one thing that i have not yet able to come to terms with...

perhaps time will tell... as for now, i'm thankful for everyday i'm alive, still breathing and being able to enjoy happy moments with my family, with YOU, and with my friends and as well as those who held grudges against me.... there is no point in hating someone anymore... life is short... and i plan to live it by being the most contented person i can ever be....

thank you to all the fabulous doctors who inspired a medical student into believing in himself..

thanks...

feeling blue

i think i'll be going tioman island alone this time...

sounds so uncool ar? yeah... guess this time i'm just gonna spend my 4d 3n stay in some bloody chalet alone...

sometimes i wonder whether is it cuz i got face problem that no one wants to go with me or i'm just not a good friend to be with... i'm just so willing to even help arrange all the stuff redi... just pay me and you'll get to go...

and everyone's sms is like... 'hey man, sorry pal, can't make it, got something on'... u noe the whole works..

suddenly i feel everything i did or what i've been trying to do just have no effect... so i guess maybe it's just a way of god trying to tell me that i need that time alone... perhaps i can think through things that i thought can't be solved actually can be solved easily instead? or perhaps i'm able to do some soul searching, being able to talk to myself and probably come to a realisation on issues that i've never ever thought of thinking about...

i don't know.. or perhaps i should just pocket the money my dad gave and spend it on some of my favorite stuff.. perhaps a racket? a shoe? but suddenly materials are not what i want.. i just want some company...

sometimes is it just so hard to get? friends? or am i just a lousy one?

argh... just emo lah!!!!

i ain't know what to put as the title header as of today... i've been thinking on what's good to do during the hols but sometimes i guess i'm a little too institutionalize to can't able to sit still and not doing anything...

perhaps i'm just not getting used to lazing around and enjoy the breath of freedom.. why? i do'nt noe myself.. prob i'm just afraid i get too complacent with things and then unable to concentrate when i start the next semester...

but come to think of it, i'm on hols.. but what will hols be if there's this gaping hole of i don't know what to do, or perhaps the computer box has become so boring it's no more compelling anymore... or the tv that i wasn't used to watch programmes now become even more boring?

when i went back to uni i was greeted with many surprise faces... 'what are you doing here?' 'u passed rite?' 'go home and enjoy urself'....

but the surprising thing is that at home, i'm just feeling useless... i don't noe why... i've been cooking alot lately cuz i just want to get over the feeling of not having anything to do... experimenting different types of dishes so i don't get bored with the same old thing i eat.. the irony is that i feel i can cook pretty well, and next week i'm doing cooking as an elective, no thanks to 'you know who' who happens to be my tutor who insisted that no medical attachment as an elective... boy, he really did screw up vivian for wanting to do medical elective in australia.. i mean can't he have some sense? or shall i beat some sense into him?

my hiccups have stopped since monday nite.... i don't experience the uncomfortable feeling of saying something and then *hic*! thats some progress... and now i think i'm going on a lose weight prog which i set myself to cut from 65-60kg...

heck it will work... i obviously can't stop eating whenever i'm the one who cooks in the house...

oh well, i remembered how i spent the 2005 year rotting at home and wanting to do something, and now it seems that i'm prob sucked into that same predicament as well... it's kinda going in that direction anyway... so what the heck...

and here i am, blogging away cuz there's nothing else to do... i would love to go do some hiking or some outdoor activities but all needs $$$.. haih.. had i only have that much $$$ with me...

but anyway, i guess for the next couple of days after my cooking electives, you will prob find me in the library.. i guess i feel more comfortable there than sitting at home and watching some shitty prog or playing my transformers game which i can't pass the level where ironhide has got to take out one of the decepticons...

i ramble too much i guess... but that's how life is after less than a week the results are out... some ppl are going langkawi, some to spore, some vietnam, and i'm sure there are some, whom like me, just sits at home and wait till the sun rises and falls without much anticipation... i don't noe, i guess i'm just bored...

i can't wait to go tioman.. so those interested who's reading my post, pls do like u noe, call me at my no, or drop me a msg here before the 23rd of july... those who have absolutely nothing to do, very the free free kinda person, the tioman trip is on 15-18 aug... if nobody goes, i think i'll just go myself anyway...

*sunken into the gaping hole called boring-ness...*

cranky...

sometimes you know when it comes a time your body starts to slow down and gets cranky... some things happen to you you just don't know what the hell cause it and u can't bloody hell for the f**king reason put a finger to what's going on...

this is one of those days.... in fact it started since the day results came out...

fair enough, i passed the dreaded exams... the results was kinda satisfying but i really did put a lot of effort into it.. thank you for giving me back faith in myself that i used to questioned earlier in the semesters...

but now i just can't bloody hell put my finger to what going on inside me.... or rather what's going on with me...

i've lost sleep due to it, i've started having gum pains due to it(or was it a coincidence) and my temper's flared up for no apparent reason cuz i've in no capability in stopping it from happening..

it's just so disrupting whenever i try to say something then...

*hic*

and i timed it, it's really idiotic.. not random but very mechanical.. like 8 sec 1 hiccup... i hiccuped all the way while watching transformers again with my family today and to the extent i nearly couldn't take it anymore i just wanted to find myself a gun and shoot me dead... bloody irritating and the worst is it's friggin tiring... try hiccuping for 2 days non stop from the time you get up to bed till the time you go to bed... ain't funny man.. it's worst than doing court runs for 3 times in a row.. you'll just get so sick of it i think i went into type 2 respi failure...

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BREATH....

tmw i'm just going to hit the clinic and check what the hell is going on with me... is it due to the sore throat as well? or it's just over reacting? but i noe for sure hell is that...

IT'S KEEPING ME AWAKE AT THIS POINT OF THE NIGHT!!!!

KNN CCB!!!!

i need my sleep and you're ruining it....

A moment to remember

sometimes what we do today might be the very last of what we do...

so why do we still fear anything? i guess there are ppl out there who would do anything without fear anymore for they do not fear anything else for there are much other things to fear.

or am i just too emo? i believe we do fear to a certain extend... but i just have to believe in myself that i can do this and not fear anything else....

and i guess the biggest fear is not remembering what we studied... but isn't it much worst if we can't remember anything at all?

i will fight till the very last end with all my heart...

and it will see me thru the darkest times...

p/s: a little clip on a movie i watched last nite... a moment to remember...

holding on

at times like these,
sometimes i wonder to myself whether can i hold on for another week...
its different cuz suddenly what ive been working for and towards now all boil down to this one more week...
and at times when i flip the notes of gi, haemato or be it cvs i can hardly believe it that ive mostly spent my life in the library, missing out gatherings with old friends especially my form6 friends.
how much i would like to catch up talking to suen and yin, admiring the fact that they are on work and holiday in the US. or just like today meet up with my friends at salmon steak..
ive chose a different path, and i'm ready to walk this path... because i believe in what i'm doing.. but i'm human too... a little reminder from a friend at the wee hours in the morning did some good in telling me to hold my sail steady in the rough winds ahead...
ive sacrificed a lot... i really did. i hope that my sacrifices pays off in the end... to be someone whom ive dreamt to be after all these years, and to those reading this, i hope u will too become a good doctor when u grow up...
ive made promises and promised that if i make it thru this sem, i will at all times remind myself that i am not alone in this preparation and at the end of the day is to believe in myself that i am able to do well because i believe that the effort that ive put in only god will know the honest work ive done....
so i take this opportunity to reach out to those who think they are alone slogging thru heaps of notes and wanting to give up, DO NOT EVER GIVE UP... we have came a long way together and we will get through it... at times i do feel like giving up, but as long as we are being reminded of our purpose here in imu, we shall always fall back to each other when in times of need like now...
all the best M106.

Tantrums

A tantrum is an emotional outburst wherein higher brain functions are unable to stop the emotional expression of the lower (emotional and physical) brain functions. It can be categorized by an irrational fit of crying, screaming, defiance, and a resistance to every attempt at pacification in which even physical control is lost. The person may not stand or sit on their own. Even when the "goal" of the person is met, he or she is not calmed. -wikipedia-

Why need to be so scientific...

Let me show u MY term of tantrums...

Exam stress plus work out in the squash court 2 weeks before EOS...

double combo fracture... seems like err... complete/closed/comminuted or displaced fracture r?haha... sumore dunlop say it's a titanium racket.. pang pui la.... (pang pui is fart) ahahaha...

i seriously thrashed this racket up real bad... haih...
the broken head....

well, so now what? next racket... Wilson N Tour used by anthony ricketts... not bad.. and it seems to be better than the current prince racket i'm using... but heck! no $$$!!!
fuyoohhh.... look at him man... so hot...=P already he so hot ar... imagine me playing.... wahahha.. so hot u'll just melt la...

www.anthonyricketts.com.. later u'll see me in...

www.jensthemagnificent.com... wahahahahahahahahaha..... dun pray pray ar....=P

okok super lame... stupid stuck at neoplasia since i came back... wth....

WAAAAAAAAAAA.............. sob sob... really KND(ka-na-do) la today... chi pek!

Israel and the Palestinians

On the seventh day Jews everywhere celebrated Israel's deliverance from danger. But 40 years after that tumultuous June of 1967, the six-day war has come to look like one of history's pyrrhic victories. That is not to say that the war was unnecessary. Israel struck after Egypt's President Nasser sent his army into the Sinai peninsula, evicted United Nations peacekeeping forces and blockaded Israeli shipping through the Gulf of Aqaba. Israel's victory opened the waterway and smashed its enemies' encircling armies, averting what many Israelis sincerely expected to be a second Holocaust. And yet, in the long run, the war turned into a calamity for the Jewish state no less than for its neighbours.

Part of the trouble was the completeness of the triumph. Its speed and scope led many Israelis to see a divine hand in their victory. This changed Israel itself, giving birth to an irredentist religious-nationalist movement intent on permanent colonisation of the occupied lands. After six days Israel had conquered not just Sinai and the Syrian Golan Heights but also the old city of Jerusalem and the West Bank—the biblical Judea and Samaria where Judaism began. In theory, these lands might have been traded back for the peace the Arabs had withheld since Israel's founding. That is what the UN Security Council proposed in Resolution 242. But Israelis were intoxicated by victory and the Arabs paralysed by humiliation. The Arabs did not phone to sue for peace and Israel did not mind not hearing from them. Instead, it embarked on its hubristic folly of annexing the Arab half of Jerusalem and—in defiance of law, demography and common sense—planting Jewish settlements in all the occupied territories to secure a Greater Israel.

The six-day war changed the Palestinians too. They had been scattered by the fighting that accompanied Israel's founding in 1948. Some fled beyond Palestine; others became citizens of the Jewish state or lived under Egypt in Gaza and Jordan in the West Bank. The 1967 war reunited them under Israeli control and so sharpened their own thwarted hunger for statehood. When, decades later, Egypt and Jordan did make peace with Israel, the Palestinians did not recover Gaza and the West Bank. This has left some 4m Palestinians desperate for independence but in a confined land choked by Jewish settlements—along with the fences, checkpoints and all the hardships and indignities of military occupation. Ariel Sharon, it is true, dragged Israel out of the Gaza Strip two years ago. But so what? The Palestinians will not consider peace unless they get the West Bank and Arab Jerusalem too. And Hamas, the Islamists who now run what passes for a Palestinian government, says it will not make a permanent peace even then.

Is there a way out? Yes: but making peace will take courage, and too much of the energy that should have gone into peacemaking has been squandered on the blame game. There is, admittedly, plenty of blame to go round. What right had the British, in 1917, to promise the Jews a national home in Palestine? Why did the Palestinians reject partition in 1947? Why did Israel colonise the territories after 1967? Why did the Americans let Israel get away with it? Why did the Arab states leave the refugees to fester in camps? The Palestinians are terrorists, Zionism is racism, Israel's enemies are anti-Semites. Yasser Arafat should have accepted Israel's “generous offer” at Camp David in 2000. But, hang on, Israel's offer was not so generous...

And so the quarrel spins, growing more bitter with each revolution and spreading far beyond the Middle East. What started as a national struggle between two peoples for one land is gradually, and often wilfully, being transformed into a war of religion, feeding poison into the wounded relations between Islam and the West as a whole. It is scandalous that the occupation has persisted since 1967. This conflict should have been resolved long ago, and its continuation is an indictment of all involved, from the warring parties for their intransigence, to regional powers that have exploited the Palestinian cause for self interest, to the great powers for their lack of sustained attention. It should end—but how?

The answer has been obvious at least since 1937, when a British royal commission under Lord Peel reported that “an irrepressible conflict” had arisen between the Arabs and Jews of Palestine and that the country would have to be partitioned. More recently, the manner of the division has become obvious too. Despite all Israel's settlements, demography and justice still point to a border based on the pre-1967 lines, with minor adjustments of the sort Bill Clinton suggested in 2000.

As Mr Clinton's failure at Camp David demonstrated, securing agreement for such a deal will be hard. The Clinton solution would require Israel to give up the bulk of its settlements in the West Bank, uproot a great many more settlers than it did in Gaza and share sovereignty over Jerusalem. The Palestinians would have to accept that most refugees would “return” not to their homes of 60 years ago inside Israel but to a new state in the West Bank and Gaza. Such compromises will hurt. But for either side to give less and demand more will merely tip the difficult into the impossible.

Right now both continue to offer too little and demand too much. Israel has at least abandoned the dream of a Greater Israel that bewitched it after the great victory of 1967. The illusion that the Palestinians would fall into silence has been shattered by two intifadas and every rocket Hamas fires from Gaza. Israel's present government says it is committed to a two-state solution. But it is a weak government, and has lacked the courage to spell out honestly the full territorial price Israelis must pay. The Palestinians have meanwhile gone backwards. If Hamas means what it says, it continues to reject the idea that Jews have a right to a national existence in the Middle East.

What self-defeating madness. For peace to come, Israel must give up the West Bank and share Jerusalem; the Palestinians must give up the dream of return and make Israel feel secure as a Jewish state. All the rest is detail.

mika's encouragement

i haven't the slightest idea could hold on till 2am...

and i'm still going on... haven't finish my quota of 9 notes a day...

and still going on...

cuz it's ur song that accompanies me through this nite... perhaps in many more nites to come...

no wonder u've got such a big fan club... ahaha.. and i'm one of urs as well...

and this is my fav song by U...



thanks mika...=)

TOYS

ahaha....

i would love a wilson n tour, or even an prince o3 tour...

but...

doesn't do any harm if you are still using a new racket...

my new toy...

from

the broken n code....

TO
this... prince o3 silver... ok la... not my fav n tour but still it's o3 tech... worth a shot...

welcome to my latest toy...=)

吻别

前尘往事成云烟消散在彼此眼前
就连说过了再见也看不见你有些哀怨
给我的一切你不过是在敷衍
你笑的越无邪我就会爱你爱得更狂野
总在刹那间有一些了解
说过的话不可能曾实现
就在一转眼发现你的脸
已经陌生不曾再像从前
我的世界开始下雪
冷得让我无法多爱一天
冷得连隐藏的遗憾都那么地明显
我和你吻别在无人的街
让风痴笑我不能拒绝
我和你吻别在狂乱的夜
我的心等著迎接伤悲
想耍给你的思念就像风筝断了线
飞不进你的世界也温暖不了你的视线
我已经看见一出悲剧正上演
剧终没有喜悦我仍然躲在你的梦里面
总在刹那间有一些了解
说过的话不可能曾实现
就在一转眼发现你的脸
已经陌生不曾再像从前
我的世界开始下雪
冷得让我无法多爱一天
冷得连隐藏的遗憾都那么地明显
我和你吻别在无人的街
让风痴笑我不能拒绝
我和你吻别在狂乱的夜
我的心等著迎接伤悲
我和你吻别在无人的街
让风痴笑我不能拒绝
我和你吻别在狂乱的夜
我的心等著迎接伤悲


我不会忘了你。。。