reflections of me

some ppl told me the other day that my blog shows alot about me... cuz my style of blogging gives way to a lot of things that i think of and do each day....

probably that was what hindered me to blog for a period of time... my last post was on the 24th of jan and now it's the 12th of feb.. it's been more that 2 weeks since i last posted something... i've got a lot to write actually.. about kkb, about the short holiday that just concluded and of course about my eating escapades that took place...

i take some time of thinking whether should i continue blogging.... or perhaps change the things i write in my blog...

but this is me... i'm known to my friends i'm a deep thinker.. i'm a person who says what i want to say and have no fear is saying out things that i feel that is supposed to be said.. but sometimes even my close friends wonder whether my actions denote what i think for they too get lost in my already jungled mind...

a blog tells about ppl.. that's true to a certain extend... cuz if u don't blog about urself, then it's hard to gauge what that person is going thru or feels at a certain point of time... have you ever thought some times that u want to get a msg across to somebody but u don't know how or at times u jsut can't? maybe those who created blogs had the intention of doing so, to share their intrinsic point of view perhaps to a selected group of people or maybe even to the rest of the world...

i believe mine's the latter...

i've got off hand comments that states my blog very emo, comments that my blog is somewhat rather personal...

perhaps this is how i like it to be... i hope i never had offended anyone with my post in my blog... it's just a style that i'm comfortable with..

or sometimes all u want to say in a blog is something simple like
"it's been a long day"
"things are just not in my way"
-or-
"i want to say something but i just don't noe how to say kinda feeling"

strange isn't it.. sometimes some things are easier said thru a blog rather than straight to a person.. u might think it's not but u'll be surprised when u actually have that kinda feeling u'll know there's never an end to ur blogging...

perhaps i'm here trying to change the way how ppl blog so they too can blog more about their inner feelings and thoughts so perhaps we can share and jump into their boat and dwell in their miseries or happiness...

or perhaps u r just waiting for a call to come but deep inside u know it won't come..

or perhaps u want to sms someone but knowing well that that person whom u are going to sms hardly replies ur messages prob that someone feels awkward to do so...

or am i just too complicated to comprehend?

i'll just let my blog speaks for itself....

the stay

it's horrendous.. it always is.. especially if it's ur first time to stay in that building which houses so many docs and nurses and of course sick ppl like me...

i was never hospitalised before... and sometimes when we study in BS and when jambu said that all the patient wants is just a chat and some kind assurance, i begin to understand why... i've stayed for 3 nites and 4 days after a massive gastroenteritis (layman's term:diarrhoea).. i'm down with an e coli infection and of course i suffered terribly with a record breaking toilet visit of 17 times in a day till i couldn't walk anymore... my butt is sore and at times my stomach makes noise as loud as a trumpet.. u don't need a stethoscope to auscultate cuz u'll go deaf... it's just as loud as a elephant's snort...

but i had xandra who never failingly came to visit me throughout my stay in hospital.. she came from morning till evening.. and i appreciate it a lot.. she kept me company on days when i felt that i was the most lonely person with no one to talk to... and in fact sometimes if there's no one else to talk to, you can actually cry yourself to bed because it's just depressing... i realy do appreciate it a lot... thank you dear..

what i did in bed was to talk to the person beside me... in fact i have a story to share with you all a true story... unabridged.. the best i could remember cuz the patient came in only on my last nite i'm gonna spend in hospital and i'm checking out the next day so we chatted till 1am.. and i was attracted to their story.. it's mix of love, tragedy, marriage and parenting...

the patient next to me was the ex deputy general manager of TNB.. yeah.. tenaga nasional.. and he came in with his wife who accompanied him... total accumulated clerking history time: 5/6 hours..

both of them met in uk back then during the japanese occupation.. she was 24 and so was he... he was studying in london polytechnic as an engineer and she, in bristol university in a degree in teaching.. they were of both opposite character... she, an introvert and he, a complete extrovert... in fact they were of opposites in many ways... she's a christian.. a very strong one.. and he, a buddhist a very strong one as well.. along the way of reliving back her youthful memories of dates at the cafe, drinking only tea cuz it's cheap and refillable and recounting back those days when he took her to the theater watching black and white screenings of the latest movie in town, she did shed a tear or two...

she came to know him from a friend of hers.. and since being an introvert, she rarely engaged herself in social nights or any function that normally brought the malaysian community together there at that time.. mind you during the colonial days, the no of malaysian students who were able to go to the uk to study were very very rare... so since the community was small everyone seem to know everybody... but he was a totally diff personality.. he was an extrovert who enjoyed parties and flirting with numerous girls dancing with them till the dance floor closed...

so both of them met somewhere at central london in 1953/4 through an acquaintance.. and he was dating another girl during that time and so was she, also seeing another guy.. but she was struck by his outwardness, his ability to express himself.. and his extrovertness at the beginning which she found was a bit too much to be tolerated, later began to enjoy his company day after day... then when both sides found out that even though they knew they were attached with someone else, they both took their chances together...

-here she didn't elaborate what 'took their chances' mean... i tried to press on but of course it's P&C-

her friend warned her about their differences.. even to the tiniest bit of religion and upbringing.. but she had faith... or was it blind faith that saw her through every tragedy that later came into her life with the man whom she put her life into... they both had a son.. one son.. their only child at the age of 30.. they were married at 26.... and it was then with the arrival of their son, which then spurn a story of mixed emotions, one that's filled with love, tragedy, arguements and distrust.. but it was then that she told me she found there was a god who guided them through every single rough patch in their life...

they fought over which school should their son go to.. they fought for which religion should the son be exposed to... and she knew that he attended church becuase he wanted to please her and not because he was a servant of god.. but she kept quiet and so did he.. little by little, differences that built up along the way that wasnb't expressed soon erupted when the son reached his turning point in life.. his tertiary education... what both wanted their son to become.. suddenly both parties couldn't compromise anymore...

she wanted her son to be a doctor and he wanted their son to be an engineer... and she recalled their bitter fights and his bitter scolding of harsh words in cantonese that inflicted wounds that were so deep that she cried everytime when she goes to bed... their son in the end went to edinburgh to do medicine and now is a specialist in a hospital in canada... but then they both fought becuase of their differences in everything... he compromised a lot in order the marriage to go on smoothly and so did she.. but we are humans.. and there will be a point when we all reach our peak and then we break.. and so did she...

it was then she found god by her side... guiding her throughout her ordeal.. she was hospitalised for stroke back then in the 1980's and whenever she felt alone, she always called out to god... and her favourite quote to me which i remembered real clearly was 'God is great... not a second early not a second late...'

they both made it through their marriage after years of differences but they both know one thing.. that marriage is of sacrifice and sown with heartfelt love... now he's admitted with a stroke that cost him his hearing on one side of the ear.. we became fast friends becuase i was watching how nadal nearly got upsetted by andy murray and he shared the same passion in commenting on tennis matches though both of us played no tennis at all... our friendship of being hospitalised together sparked off in that manner..

but before i left, she left something hanging for me to think about... she said...

- what if i followed the other man and not him? what if i obeyed and took my friend's advice?-

i had no answer... and all she ended it very well...

-we make choices sometimes we don't know of.. if we would have known do you really think we would cherish the ones we have beside us now? i took the road less taken.. now it's your turn.. use it wisely-

i left with millions of questions running through my head.. it's the 'what if's' that always keep us pondering...

but as i said earlier, if there's the 'what if's' there's no joy and happiness in life.. for everyday will be a joyful day and the day of sadness shall not come... but god made us into flesh and blood and a mankind of feelings.. and i know, he will look over everyone of us in anyway in whatever religion to guide us through the rightful path in life...

And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.

Isaiah 58.11

loving jay chou

he's the best...

better than the rest...

who dares to disagree with me??

ahahahahaha.... boredom... waiting to go out to celebrate hwei wan's bday and just listening to jay's song...

he's just soooo super duper califragalisticespialidocious good isn't he??

this one u have to agree with me...

no doubts...

ahhhhhhhhh.... how come i can't remember anything about general pathology now??? *sobs*

-back to reading pathology-

this post is randomness...

我爱你周杰倫!!! =)

bliss

what more can u get in a day after spending some time watching my fav 'curse of the golden flower' and later rushed out halfway of the show cuz sis' bag was in the car which i accidentally took without checking and rushed to usj 2 and back to the cinema in er.. 15 mins?

-palpitations-

what do you get after having 3 consecutive days of squash training which starts at 8.30pm and ends at 10.30pm?

-er... hungry stomach and muscle ache? oh.. and blogging at this hour...=P-

what do you get with multiple complains of muscle aches?

-free massage by this masseur who declines to be name.. ehehhee... but she goes by the name of mousy... was it free by the way? oh.. she charges very very exorbitantly high interest rates of a couple of thumps in the back... ehehhehe... bluek!-

finally...

oh and what feeling do you get while eating 2 packs of indo mee and downing a cup of hot milo kosong kau kau kurang manis after a long squash training nite and blogging while watching house md?

-ah... heavenly.. this is bliss-


this post is so pei-ish... this is so not jen lye's style... argh... stop infecting me!!!!! wwaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh~~~~

bluek!

the weird feeling...

i don't know why am i blogging at such an hour when i'm supposed to sleep...
perhaps my heart has got something to say but i just don't know how to say it...
or is it that exams are coming and i just went too sien reading notes...
or is it i'm wondering whether when the moon awakes, the same old dream repeats again...
it's just the same old dream...

but...

i can't seem to understand it... or are dreams not meant to be understood at the very beginning? i don't know what's the meaning of it, but what i see is just a lady, at a cliff, i can't make out her face, and she's veiled by the shrouding mist that covered most of her self...

she had a flowing lock in her hair and it was white... and her hair was long... shoulder length... and she's right at the edge of the cliff but she seems relaxed from the back... i stood there stunned and tried to tell her danger is approaching... but she doesn't seem to hear me... and everytime when i tried to approach her, i'll just wake up, my eyes blinked in shock, my dreams just stops right there...

just there... at the cliff, i tried warning but my throat is stuck...

i'm just wondering, who's she? why has it been my bedtime company for quite some time? what is the dream trying to tell me?

and the funny thing is that before i reached the cliff, i was dreaming i was in another place which i don't know of...

and the funny thing is instead of me trying to save her from falling, i fell instead...

sometimes i wonder when this dream started and at what time.. cuz the dream seems short when i put it out in words, but on some days, i'm awaken by this dream... as i regain my senses, i felt that my soul has left my body, detached, and my body shakes when i'm awake as if my soul returned from it's dreamland, (that's when i was having the free fall in my dreams...)

it's peculiar because i've tried to wait and see the face, but the lady didn't turn... i'm always awake before she turns her head...

she didn't turn... is that why the dream keeps repeating? till i find out who is it?

or somethings are just not meant to be found out?

or it's just a dream and it just remains as a dream?

i wonder...

New Year's Resolutions

chaching!!!!

starts off with losing weight and fats... over 2006 i lost 7kg from 72kg - 65kg... target now is 60-62kg... do i really look that fat? *vanity*

to learn how to cook mum's dry chicken curry... i don't seem to able to get it... somehow the chicken is half burnt... cuz too dry.. i don't noe how to control the fire.. haih...

improving my stamina... over 2006, my run of non stop 7km uphill and downhill takes me roughly 23 mins... should cut down on the timing and make it shorter... fitness level is still in doubt... prob that's why i still pant on court... maybe i should cut down to just 20 mins? i'll be super fit by then...

improving my damn shots... i seem not to be improving since pj open... somehow i seem to be stagnant there... perhaps a change in training technique? my drops still suck!

and finally to be able to make it to sukma 2008.. my last chance cuz they extended the age gp limit to U-23.. even though reserve good enuf lar.. that's why i must start off with losing weight and fats... and improving my stamina... perhaps it's jsut a dream.... haih.. my dad'll kill me if i miss eos 5 for sukma...

p/s: oh and yes... try.. yes just try not to have too many bak kut teh sessions with my kaki... it's killing me softly... starts off with endothelial damage, oxidation of LDL from the fats of bak kut teh, becomes foam cells, intimal smooth muscle migrates, formation of fibrous cap, then macrophage secretes interferons, fibrous cap ruptures, thrombosis, platelet aggregation, embolism and then... thromboembolism in coronary artery... then MI... blek!

that happens when u have too much of cvs during christmas and new year... happy new year to all of u!!!

oh... and praying someone would either
a) sponsor me a ticket to watch IL DIVO...=) or
b) get me the prince O3 tour racket... this one is a 2 die 4...=P

hugs~~~~
jens

xmas celebrations and reflections of the year...

dear friends,

well, i wanted to blog about this a couple of days ago but too busy.. it's like exam's on the 5th of jan and worst is that even on new year's day also have to study much less go to kl for countdown for the new year... initially i thought of going to bangsar with u noe, the 'bujang lapuk' ppl but then have to call it off cuz it's like super guilty if i do so... i'll spend the weekend watching fireworks from the tv while trying to cram blood vessels drainage and embryology of the heart...

the kitchen before the party starts...

christmas this year was great... but just the fact that knowing felicia is going for a scoliosis operation in UH on the 6th jan just put a cold towel a bit on our christmas celebration. this year aunt called in a carol from a church and they started of by singing amazing grace.. the carol group comprises of a mother and her daughters... and they were great cuz it's the songs that they sing and their voices brings warmth in a very hostile world outside... i've got to know aunt felicia becuase she's cai lin's mum... and i met cai lin way back when i was in form 1 when my aunt threw a party for her in sunway lagoon... that time she wasn't in the national swimming squad yet but after a shift from synchronise swimming to just swimming, she did very well after that... cai lin and her mum pops in during xmas now quite often and it was from christmas party that we renew our friendship... jen lye=21 yrs old with aunt felicia= 50+ yrs old.. and boy! she can really do the tango cuz she was my partner in some game for the party...

the carolling band...
but she'll be going into OT on 6th jan due to scoliosis.. it was pretty quite obvious now cuz the pain has become less and less bearable.. and when after the amazing grace was sung, she was already streaming with tears... i feel sad for her as well cuz it's a very dangerous operation and i do hope she'll make it out safely... i've gave my word to her to visit her and i will...

ah... we had of course plenty of food... great food with western blend and asian taste... it was in all great and we had turkey... boy after dinner i felt i weighed an extra couple of kilos... fine dining at it's best! =)
the eastern cuisine
the korean style food..
chinese style prawns... fuh.. i tell u... i ate 12 prawns!! clogging up my arteries...=P
a mountain of ferrero rocher and desserts..
more desserts and wines...
the turkey with cranberry sauce...
my uncle and me....
dining... that's aunt felicia with the polka dot blouse... pls pray for her ppl k? thanks...=)

i felt blessed with things that i have now with me... blessed that god has kept me safe in many ways... touch wood i've got nothing and i'm fine and both my parents and sis is fine... and i'm having a good education so that i can have a better future... of course we envy sometimes on what others have but then it's always one thing that i'll remember till today if i don't have anything that even though i crave for... god will provide enough... this christmas is a time to recollect back our memories of friendship and familial ties... and put our prayers into hope and faith that we'll do our best and live our life to the fullest with no regrets and god himself will take care of the rest..

as the year draws it's curtain behind me, i have to say that i will walk into the new year with full of hope, faith and love to share with everyone... mistakes that i've made in the past shall stay on with me as a lesson learned and not to be repeated... and sometimes even though i feel that friends around me who don't accept me as i am as in i'm somebody's friend's friend that kinda thing, i guess patience should be given and let time takes it course...

and one thing that i've learned throughout my 2006 is that time is a great healer... it can heal wounds that you never expect to heal... it can give a person some time for soul searching.. and finally it can give someone enough time to know what they really want in life... and while the clock ticks away, one keeps busy with daily chores to forget something that's painful and persevere on till one day the heart is finally ready to accept an apology that's been so difficult to come to terms with at the very beginning...

we all are humans.. we are nothing close to perfect... we throw away the bad and pick up the good so we can be a better person in some way... there's frustration throughout my year in 2006 and of course if everything was smooth, then even the good has no place for cherished memories...

finally, as the new year looms ahead, i shall walk into it with a heart full of confidence, of perseverance, of hope, of faith, and of love... i wish my family, relatives, friends and enemies alike a very happy new year... if i have ever said or did anything that have hurt your feelings in some way, i'm sorry... may your year ahead be filled with joy and laughter and happiness... and there's plenty of love to be shared around... do that and i'm sure the year ahead will be a better year that's awaiting us...

here are some undated pics about me throughout the year 2006...
posers unlimited with nina...
and with sis and nina...
the cousins.. nina, sis, and e wah...
family trip to genting...
my 21st bday....
the group who came for my bday... thanks!

steamboat at yuen's with xan, hwei wan, pei, denise and geoff..
as squash coach during my electives...
my dear jie whom i really do miss in moscow... thanks for being a great friend in many ways...

me and xan... muax!
the genting trip... wonderful memories...

with xan in wong kok char chan teng during kitty's bday...
gaik chin, me, joy and wei cheng... great senior friends from seremban... miss u ppl loads!

and finally the imu buddies whom i shall cherish and stay thru thick and thin...=)

signing off with warmest regards,
jens

p/s: i've post some pics from the party itself and of other occasions that i would like to reflect upon..
have a pleasant new year 2007..=)

My Christmas Dream

i'm all plugged into Il Divo's album and it's their 4 voices that serenades my mind this moment... even though some of their songs are in spanish but their vocals are really great... really really great...

and all i can do now is dream of attending their concert... IL DIVO LIVE IN KUALA LUMPUR... but the cheapest ticket which was priced at RM500 and even the RM800 were sold out... it was such a heart ache for me... in fact when anne told me that they were coming, i should just jump into calling ticket axess and book the ticket.. but it's like RM500.. yeah... cheapest...

and today after checking the ticket selling, the diamond seating(VIPs and Ministers, which i think it's priced at RM2000) were sold out.. left was only RM1500 and RM1000 tickets.....

and all i can do now is just to wait till the day i start working and i made myself a vow to watch them live singing... because their songs pierces deep into your soul and heart and it stays forever... i did watch their recorded concert at my aunt's place during their europe tour... they only sang 5 songs.... and i could just stare and watch the dvd replay and replay for 3 times... they were just sooo good... and they are...

as i said, it's just a christmas dream... a dream of a RM1000 ticket to watch il divo... their music brings a different genre altogether... it's different from others because they can just make music even without violins, cellos or guitars if they want to... it's their voices that keeps my notes reading on and on.... they made me enjoy music like how music is meant to be enjoyed...

don't get me wrong... i do love jay chou.... but il divo's in a class of their own... just a class of their own... untouched by anyone... it's not something that u get very often.. maybe a century you'll get a group that makes MUSIC.. yes... just with their pure voices...


to go to their concert is really a dream... perhaps sometimes dreams are called dreams because we are in a world of reality... maybe i'll get the chance to go when i start making money on my own... but till then, i guess i have to make do with watching them on dvds and listening to them on cds...

get their ancora album or their christmas album... plug it into ur ears and let them take you for a ride....

and i promise you you'll fall in love with them... just like how i did... they could make me shed tears over their singing... mesmerised... enchanted...

guess that enuf said....=) LONG LIVE IL DIVO!!

無間道

無間道 - 梁朝偉 & 劉德華

梁︰不　我不願意結束
　　我還沒有結束
　　無止境的旅途
劉︰看著我　沒停下的腳步
　　已經忘了身在何處

梁︰誰能改變　人生的長度
　　誰知道永恆有多麼恐怖
劉︰誰了解生存往往比命運還殘酷
　　只是沒有人願意認輸

梁︰我們都在不斷趕路忘記了出路
　　在失望中追求偶爾的滿足
劉︰我們都在夢中解脫清醒的苦
　　流浪在燈火闌珊處
合︰去不到終點　回到原點
　　享受　 那走不完的路

劉︰一路上演出難得糊塗
梁︰一路上回顧難得麻木
劉︰在這條親密無間的路
梁︰讓我像你
劉︰你像我
合︰怎麼會孤獨

合︰既然沒終點　回到原點
　　我想　我們都不　不在乎

無間道(粵語) Mou Gaan Dou

華︰我　要為我活下去
　　也代你活下去
　　捱極也未曾累
偉︰忘掉我　有沒有在陶醉
　　若有未來依然要去追

華︰生命太短　明日無限遠
　　始終都不比永遠這樣遠
偉︰不理會世上長路太多終點太少
　　木馬也要去繼續轉圈

華︰明明我已昨夜無間　踏盡面前路
　　夢想中的彼岸為何還未到
偉︰明明我已奮力無間　天天上路
　　我不死也為活得好
華及偉︰有沒有終點　誰能知道
　　在這塵世的無間道

華︰如何能離開失樂園
偉︰能流連忘返總是情願
華︰要去到極樂條長路遠
偉︰吃苦中苦
華︰苦中苦
偉及華︰熱永不間斷

華及偉︰快到終點　才能知道
　　又再回到起點　從頭上路

the unending road...
never ending...

complicated minds

minds...
they can be wonderful...
they can be strange...
they can be tactful...
they can be far thinking...
but worst... they can be deceiving...

please welcome...
THE DEPARTED...

i've spent today watching this show and not reading my cvs notes... i'm supposed to study embrology but heck... it's soooo good till i can't resist the tempation... and no regrets... it's the BEST.. yeah D BEST in terms of BEST movie on undercover police...

basically it's about cramming the whole wu jian dao "infernal affairs"無間道 1,2,3 into a single 2 and a half hour show... it's so copy cat but somehow i love watching these kinda undercover trying to be somebody else, influencing and playing mind games and see who cracks first... story line is EXACTLY the same man... i wonder how lame can the directors be... EXACTLY the same... the scene where leonardo di caprio was shot in the lift on the way down was like exactly how tony leung got shot too... and how his boss got thrown down from the building and killed was exactly how inspector wong died in infernal affairs..
both shows also boast a star studded cast with infernal affairs led by andy lau, tony leung, lai meng, wong chau sang, edison chen and shawn yue.. that goes as well for 'the departed' with stars like matt damon, leonardo di caprio, jack nicholson, mark wahlberg, martin sheen(from the west wing) and alec baldwin...

i love infernal affairs.. all 3 of them... becuase it's real cool.. triad members wearing shades and shooting policemen... and of course it's tony leung and andy lau man!!! super star!!!=P

it was all a repeat of infernal affairs but this time with hollywood actors.. but it was great cuz leonardo's acting was 1st class... seriously... in fact i think his expression was far better than tony leung's in infernal affairs 3... in fact this show was exactly the same but without infernal affairs 2... cuz i think they didn't have the time to remake all 1,2,3 and left out part 2.. but they managed to do a pretty good job though the story line is the same...

but what i'm impressed is that this show was actually based on true stories of undercover police officers who dwell deep into the hong kong triad back before 1997... they have to lie in order to survive... tortured to prevent the truth from leaking... and when even get the stares of own fellow policemen who cast the shadow of doubt even after the case has been resolved...

sometimes they lie till the don't know who they really are... finally matt damon (who played the role of andy lau) tries to eliminate all jack nicholson's (who played the role of eric tsang) spies in the police force only to be killed later in the end by mark wahlberg (who played the role of sam cheng)... he tries to take out all spies because all he wants to be is to be with his doctor girlfriend and to be a good guy... “我要做好人”-劉健明... and of course, he killed his very own boss, jack nicholson just like how andy lau shot eric tsang... i'm actually a big fan of infernal affairs and when i got to know hollywood's reenactment of this trilogy, i was thrilled.. but the only draw back was of course by comparing both the chinese version and the english one... but of course, we have to take into account that infernal affairs was a trilogy... the departed is just a single shooting...

and it's like a one for one substitute for acting... even dad could predict what happens next... even when matt damon face to face with jack nicholson in the crossfire of policemen, how jack nicolson found out that matt damon betrayed him (by calling his handphone) was just the same like how eric tsang called for andy lau when he was cornered...

but as i said, it's real good acting.. both matt and leonardo really did a good job... but what makes me love watching this show is that how much a person is willing to lose to go so far into what they are doing... lying to oneself at one instant and seeing a psychiatrist later to pour out his pent up feelings not knowing that the psychiatrist is actually his rival's girlfriend... ahahha... so farny lar... somehow both matt and leonardo didn't meet till the rooftop incident.. and the face off with a handgun at matt damon's head is just the same like in infernal affairs..

last but not least, for those who love infernal affairs, i suggest to give the departed a shot... try not to compare that much and let the movie take u for a ride... i of course talk too much cuz was soooooo eager to comment everytime when i see a similarity between both the chinese and english version so i already started evaluating right from the start... i guess that took pretty much of the fun away...

oh and yes... finally... as for fans of jay chou (like me), don't forget to catch his 'curse of the golden flower' coming out on 21st dec before christmas!!! oh boy! i love christmas and of course an avid fan of jay chou!!! so pls pls pls don't forget to watch ok????? you will love it!!! i promise you!!! =) ehehehhee...=)

he's so cool isn't he... you've got to agree with me...=)

christmas love

the season is here...

first of all, season greetings to everyone...

i close my eyes and let the wonderful air of christmas rejuvinate my senses and mind...

it's lovely.. it's heavenly.. no words can describe the feeling of christmas...

ah.. and thanks titus, if you are reading my blog, thank you for inviting me over for the christmas party... the story about the painting really does touch the heart... good job.. every year i'll always look forward for your christmas invitation because i know that it's after the party that i realise how christmas is such a meaningful day for everyone of us...

and today i went to berjaya times square and then later to subang parade to do some shopping... i didn't study today and i've always had this nagging feeling that if i don't study for the day, there will be a profound sense of guilt that will overwhelm me...

but today, that feeling didn't come... i find it perplexing that the guilt that once haunted me isn't there... how come? i guess becuase the season is here... and when everytime i hear christmas songs, my whole soul seems to have a profound sense of rejuvination and the elimination of tiredness and fatigue... it's good.. i love that feeling...

i left berjaya times square with my purchase of gray's anatomy at border's and then later at left subang parade with a purchase of a shoe... dad and mum bought books at mph and then only we went back...

ok... well... that's for today... however yesterday was a total contrast...

dad's car got smashed up in an accident involving 2 other cars near the ss18/ss14 U turn junction.. apparently some proton saga did the U turn without stopping and rammed into dad's car and dad's car hit another kancil which the kancil spun and landed on the divider... my dad's perdana was total wreck... and seems that need bout 2 weeks to get the repair done... but luckily everyone was ok except for mental trauma...

one thing that i hate most are the tow truck drivers... they are like vultures who come and swoop down on their weakened prey (the mentally traumatised drivers) and when they pursuade the drivers to tow their cars away, they literally force the drivers to sign an agreement which states that their cars will be taken away to their very own workshop not in favour of the driver but of the tow truckers... and boy, what a fracas took place when me and dad went to the ss17 police station to report... cuz when we arrived, there was arleady 2 other accident cases there and tow truckers were making lots of fuss about getting the car out and demanding payment...

it was a nightmare...

but all said and done, i guess it was by all means god's grace that no one was hurt and of course though the car was smashed no serious injury happened... just that lots of paper work to be done... insurance claim yada yada... but anyhow, dad's on leave till the 23rd of dec, which he will then work for 2 days then off for christmas till dec 30 where he will be going to china till 13th jan for company trip... sis will be off to hong kong on the 13th of dec and back oni on the 20th... well, looks like everyone's going SOMEPLACE but i'm just here stuck in the library preparing for cvs ica...

but nevertheless, i'm happy.... i'm happy because it's christmas... i'm happy that i'm able to celebrate christmas every year... i'm happy that my family is fine... i'm happy that xandra is fine... i'm happy that xandra's family as well is fine... i'm happy my friends are doing ok... and finally i'm happy because i want to be happy...

i love my life... and every bit of it... our life don't always promise sweet journeys but it always promises hope and dreams to be fulfilled and love to be shared...

god loves all of you... i love you too...=)

have a merry little christmas... share the love around...

yours,
jens

silence

here i am...

staring out the window as i observed the last drops of the angel's tears that fall from the heavens above... i sucked in the fresh air to rejuvinate tired eyes but it doesn't yield any effect...

i'm tired.. i'm exhausted... i'm spent...

and thinking it's just only the 2nd week into it, i wonder whether i could still plod on without having the fear in me of not knowing enough on what's going on... i wonder sometimes whether this am i cut out for this... or whether am i just driven by the little faith in me of pushing myself harder and harder...

dad has always emphasised on pushing oneself to the limit... to know the limit we can go to.. to know that with every success comes hardwork.. and with hardwork comes satisfaction...

but somehow or rather, i lack motivation... the drive in me is failing... i can sense it... is it due to the awkward time table? or is it due to the fact that i've not known the reason anymore why am i doing here at the first place... i'm here because i've chosen this path to walk.. i've no regrets... need i battle this issue with myself anymore?

sometimes u feel that everything is moving fine and you try your best to keep up... but there are times when you feel that you've given everything and still find yourself behind the things that you are supposed to know... it's like having a rug being pulled underneath you.. you fall even though you have had a firm footing on what you perceive as a solid ground...

it's darn frustrating... and it's eating me up bit by bit...

no doubt i've become very kiasu when i entered imu... perhaps i'm driven to study hard because i know that i've made up my mind and i'm committed into delivering the results... somehow or rather i don't want to lose the real me along the way... i'm a crazy guy... i laugh till my belly ache and tears flow out, i sing aloud trying to impress everyone with my singing but only to know it rained the hardest on that day, i laugh at my own jokes at times, i tried imitating david beckham's free kick only to see my shoe flying off and hit jolyn's head... but somehow, this me has been slipping away without me realising it... or now that i've sensed it, is that what is called by 'growing up'?

but i miss the old me... when i could sing and the whole class boo-ed me, when i made jokes but nobody laughs except me and to laugh out loud when no one's laughing...

but now, all i can think of is bruit, paradoxical embolism, hyperplastic arteriolosclerosis...

have my life took a sudden change now without me realising it? that i was funny and i don't have to try to be funny and now i'm trying to be funny even though i'm no more funny anymore...

sounds wierd? or am i still wierd?

i can still run 5km without stopping... but i wonder can my brains run 5 more weeks before cvs ica without stalling further?

i've always counted on faith in everything i do... and i put my whole heart into it... in everything.. yes.. in everything...

i hope faith hasn't left me in the dark alone now...

i'm a believer and i believe in myself, i believe in everything i do... and most of all i believe in my very own whisperings of my heart...

i reckon that should be enough...

IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!!

菊花台...

and finally the moment that i've been waiting for since his last debut in 2005 with initial D...

WELCOME JAY CHOU IN CURSE OF THE GOLDEN FLOWER!!!

he's here!! he's here!! damn.. i'm such a fan of jie lun.. he's just soooooooooo super duper cool... 21st december!! everyone take note!! i'm soo going to buy his ticket... it will be good especially with chow yun fatt and gong li in it..

actually when i came to hear this song in his new album i stumbled into it by chance actually.. it was up in you tube when i was surfing for his new album and then only i realised that he was already involved in this project by zhang yimou and playing a role beside GONG LI... u can't imagine the fact that u are acting beside a legendary actress who shot to fame with 'farewell my concubine' in 1993... i'm also a fan of gong li and zhang zi yi ok...

then the icing on the cake was of course none other than the rising star ZHOU ZIE LUN... he's the best... better than the rest!!! ahaha... been watching short clippings preview of the movie on youtube and sony pictures... he's not so kaku like before in inital D.. but then come to think of it, takumi fujiwara is memang the *blur* kind so suit jay's personality in some way...

but this time it's a different ball game.. thinking of jay's acting skills in sword play and spear play.. boy! i'm already high in adrenaline just waiting to watch his 2nd movie... i use to loathe the sight of jay at the beginning but he's definitely getting better by the day/album/ movie... whatever...

so guys do watch his show k!!!

i promise you it's gonna be great.. just like the song.. which i can spend hours listening to the playbacks without getting bored..

jay rawks!!!=)

i wanted to sing this song for the friday nite performance but then... my singing sucks.. aih.. guess i'm just limited to bathroom singing...=P

菊花台

曲：周杰倫
詞：方文山

妳　的淚光　柔弱中帶傷

慘白的月彎彎　勾住過往

夜　太漫長　凝結成了霜

是誰在閣樓上　冰冷的絕望

雨　輕輕彈　朱紅色的窗

我一生在紙上　被風吹亂

夢　在遠方　化成一縷香

隨風飄散　妳的模樣

＊菊花殘　滿地傷　妳的笑容已泛黃

花落人斷腸　我心事靜靜躺

北風亂　夜未央　妳的影子剪不斷

徒留我孤單　在湖面　成雙＊

花　已向晚　飄落了燦爛

凋謝的世道上　命運不堪

愁　莫渡江　秋心拆兩半

怕妳上不了岸　一輩子搖晃

誰　的江山　馬蹄聲狂亂

我一身的戎裝　呼嘯滄桑

天　微微亮　妳輕聲的嘆

一夜惆悵　如此委婉

REPEAT＊＊

我爱你周杰倫!!!!!!!!!!!

just thoughts...

ah...

wondered what does a team manager do during any event? especially without proper sleep the nite before coupled with community clinic visit the day before?

STONE...

ah... wondered how i got into this mess? not mess actually.. just that prob without proper sleep i was just stoning there kau kau watching the U-17 charges from subang play their respective games and making sure that no one goes missing and go astray...

so here i am early this morning leaving my house at 7.45 am fetching my sis for the opening match at 8.30am and at the same time over look all the subang team players who are playing before leroy comes at 11am... not enuf sleep and driving daily to uni and to jinjang prob has taken it's toll.. once i reached there, i was just craving for my daily milo kosong panas with fried mee/nasi lemak/ curry mee/ whatever to satisfy my bfast hunger but then have to stay there until the whole 4 players finish playing in this team event...

then i rushed to jalan gasing to tapau 2 packs of nasi lemak and rushed back to astaka.. then oni i realised that had i leave 10 mins later, there's a stall set up in astaka selling food.. aih... waste time and petrol oni.. but nasi lemak was great... *cheng cheng cheng*... =P

and all i did today was just wasting time watching them play and the SINGAPOREANS play as well...

speaking of SPOREANS.. no offence to my sporean friends ok.. there are a nice bunch of ppl... really.. honestly.. but i guess their kiasuness are so inevitable that i sometimes wonder is there a specific gene that codes for kiasuism in their DNA... ahaha.. speaking on medical terms... but then u ahve to admit it... ok.. the players stay at hilton pj and of course, since so near to astaka they would obviously be there as early as posisble...

but the thing was.. they sent in a total of 8-9 teams and every court in astaka was just taken up by them...

i can't believe it myself either... 8 courts ALL by sporeans.. and our msians still stood there like dungu waiting for them to finish warming up.. one thing for sure i know is that once u enter there's no exit unless being chased by the tournament comittee.. and there i was standing there trying to look courteous and ask them to scoot off... since btw it's ASTAKA PJ.. not some Raffles Sports Hall.. eh.. even we msians when play in spore also know what's the meaning of leaving an empty court as a courtesy for we are the host of the event...

and i have to say as well, the players are damn LAN SI!!

ok.. today wasn't really a good day lar.. telling honestly lar... and the best part of the day came when milo van which was the official drink came to set up the free milo give away like they always do in any mbpj tournament (except for pj open), the commotion and the crowd gathering around the tap for some small cup which i think was less than 3 Oz, was shocking...

those days i have to admit even myself couldn't care less about not drinking thru cup and POURING AWAY MY WATER IN MY BOTTLE TO FILL IT WITH FREE MILO...

now i understand why was it so embarrasing to do so since i've already grown up... and worst is that u see the U-17 players as well doing that.. shit! i mean it's just milo man... go home and ask ur mum to make for u.. and like they haven't seen a milo tong before lar... all gather around and go for refills after refills... ish.. i think i waited for 3 mins before i got my turn...

so basically the day was just watching others play, talking to the kaki lang squash gang, playing 3 quarters, and warming up the players with drills before each of them start their games... so much so for the day.. best part was i brought my Lily's to read about ECG and guess what.. nothing obviously entered... wondered how come the kiasuness of not studying for 1 day is eating me up that badly... have i got infected as well?

okok.. so tha'ts just about it.. i'm just ranting aimlessly for no apparent reason just htat my itchly little fingers crave to type something in my blog... as i said earlier, it's my diary and trying hard to keep up with it but duh... it's not updated regularly though i've been trying hard to do so...

and the sad thing is that i'm damn bloody sure i can't make it into the sel team for sukma lar.. even though they made it U-23 and in 2008 i'll be 23, but since i saw how the other sel team players play i guess i could even lose to the last player in sel team A... i guess that's why i'm not in bjss but imu though they share the same location..=P

ok.. back to ECG and thani's lecture.. damn it lar pbl 2 is on monday and i haven't found a damn thing yet... i normally do my pbl thru books like i did for the previous one but now i guess i need the help of the internet even though it's not really reliable source of information.. haih.. i hope my fuel is enuf to keep me going...

that's all for now peeps...=)

p/s: oh.. and being so frustrated and been STONING prac the whole day and not being able to play myself, i entertained myself with a total 12 cups of milo and before i left, i EMPTIED my 500ml SPRITZER BOTTLE AND FILLED THEM WITH MILO much to the dismay of aunty mary...
what the heck... not like i'm the ONLY one doing it... was fun cuz reminded me of the old days... speaking of embarassment... ooooppppsss!!!!=P

journeys in life

it's 9.45 am...

i'm having pharmaco notes in front of me.. but i can't stop to put something here what my very heart is feeling now...

it seems to be only a couple of months since we started uni again.. but it already seems like half a year has gone by... maybe it was the numerous exams we have to take and we took 3 exams already... tmw is the forth... and i've been trying very very hard to get an A... oh god pls look over my shoulders tmw...

and there's something else that i'm thinking of... whether am i still the one whom you've been thinking of before going to bed and whether do the stars above still provide you with warmth and comfort that they have promised...

it's now that i understand i'm still not matured enough like a 21 yr old... and do things with an impulsive nature that sometimes leave my family members, relatives, friends and you hurt with remarks that i've made... i used to have a bad temper and now i've tried my best to keep them in check before i lose it... and i've still got a long way to go in my journeys in life and still got a lot more to learn...

i'm proud and happy to have a bunch of really good friends in imu to share the experience of learning medicine and sharing our journeys in life together... i'm thankful i have a great family and relatives who supported me with their never failing love and trust even though i've also hurt them in some ways.. and lastly, i've always looked up above and send a silent prayer to you to let you know how much u mean to me and that i'm always there for you...

there's nothing in life that can be certain... but the thing that makes us who we are, are the things that we go thru together... thru thick and thin... to those who still take me as their friend after i've made remarks that didn't mean to make, to those who still care for me even though i didn't show enough care in return, to those who tried to mould me into a better person but i just ignored thinking that i'm already good enough, and to those who still love me for all the faults i've made and that i'm not perfect and accepted me as who i am, i'm sorry... i'm trying very hard in improving myself... it's something honestly said from me...

i've always tried to be honest in whatever i do... comments that i've made... actions that i've done... maybe it's because my dad has thought me that honesty will not leave you worrying what have you said to someone... because you know that you mean what you say...

i believe in life there's always a time we will look back and reflect what we did in the past... i have put my thoughts this very morning here so when i'm in doubt again and when i feel that everything is working against me, i've always had a group of good friends (my sec school mates, f6 friends and imu) to help me out... the heart is too small to be filled with unhappy things... but it's always big enough to pour in some love and care... and i'm trying to put these wonderful things into those i feel whom i will stand by them just as they will stand by me in times of need...

i wear my heart on my sleeve maybe cuz life is short... if we do really care and mean to do it for someone, there's nothing wrong in doing it and showing how much you care... as long as it's honest and true from the heart... i feel that's the most important thing... i wouldn't mind showing to my friends how much i care for them becuase i really do... it's always great to have ppl around you who care and love you... i wouldn't want to look back some day and regret that i've not given my all to those who deserve the friendship, care and love from me...

at times of course i'm down and out, and sometimes the only thing that makes me happy is to play squash till i dropped... i remembered when kh ong was my coach when young, he pushed us like how he pushed his son... till we all had to crawl out from the court panting for breath... i love the way how i have to go for every ball in court... maybe cuz it shows that every ball i take is every chance i take and i don't wanna lose it... i appreciate what i have with me... especially you xan...

to all those who feel who has made an impact in my life, to those who reads my blog to know me better, to those who have worked their way out of their paths to help me and to those who forgave and accepted me for who i really am, you have a very big heart...

thank you very much... god bless u... you have my honest friendship, companionship and trust in return...

lastly, i'm happy with everything that i have with me and what i'm doing now... regrets we all have a few but it's how we pick up ourselves and cherish what we have that's with us now...

love you...
muaks dear....=)

p/s my 21st bday pics will be uploaded after exams... when i have the free time during cvs...

i'm sorry

will you forgive me?

i've turned 21 2 days ago...

it's a real big thing for me.. but being 21 means i have to be responsible for what i have done and for the actions that i've taken...

but i realised at such an age... i'm still making foolish mistakes... it's no more the days when you just can smile innocently and get away with a sorry...

i know this time i botched it up pretty bad... and i know a word of sorry isn't all gonna do good...

i've hurt ppl's feelings along the way throughout my schooling life.. i've hurt them because of comments that i've made that didn't go thru my brains and mind before i shoot out at others...

and worst of all i pulled the plug on a day which i felt was the most happiest day of my life... and i threw it all away...

a person's heart is as delicate as glass... a simple knock can shatter and spill it's inside... it's the saddest thing to know that the glass that just broke was the one whom i've poured my love into it and am still pouring into...

i'm sorry... and this comes from a honest heart from me to you... i'm so so sorry...

it shall not happen again.. i promise..

i know i'm not perfect... and i've made mistakes... and the worst thing is that i'm making it on you... i want you to know that i'm very sorry...

i love you... i do.. now and always...

starry night

Weary eyed I took a stroll
Though was late, but work has taken its toll
I needed a break and to the field I went
In search for the stars that leads me to neverland
I cried to the stars littering the skies at night
I wished I could pause awhile and enjoy the sight
But tonight the sky is veiled by jealous clouds
I stood and stared with increasing doubts
Of late the sky has been crying
And the clouds above have veiled your feelings
Gone when I could see your lovely jewels
Where each and everyone shone brightly as pearls
Your beauty is one that never lies
I’ve enjoyed watching you beyond the distant skies

Where have you been my beloved star?
You’ve been my guide near and afar
With you’ve been veiled I’ve lost my way
I’ve been circling wildly lost for days
Each night I’ve waited with little thought
What agony to me this wait has brought

And as though you have heard my cries
I caught a glimmer of you up high
Your light was faint but it persevered
Like how you taught me when everything went weird
I stood there entranced by your beauty
The clouds cleared and your sight is heavenly

Little by little you light the heavens
Your beauty has always captured my imaginations
You fill my hearts with warmth and wonder
For your presence with me is forever
Wherever I am you’ve always been my guide above earth
Back to a place where I’m warm with love
Your magic never fades throughout the years
Your light shall be my guide through all my fears
And when I’ve lost hope like I always do
Your tiny beacon of light still shines brightly through

I’ve stood and stared long enough a time
To have thought of this poem as a nursery rhyme
Your presence above has been a gift from God
It’s you the stars in loneliness I sought
You make me realize that even in the darkest of night
Your guidance will lead me through with my burdens light

Here now I walk into a home
Knowing there’s you’re always there when I’m alone
O' stars I shall seek you dearly
For you will forever be in my heart eternally

Wan Jen Lye

11/11/06

i'm staring at my blog page with nothing in mind to blog about...

should i blog about what transpired during the nursing week? neh... everybody's blogging about that.. mine's just about similar but not the same though... but if u read a few of them u will know that mine's roughly the same.. just diff wards and slightly different things we did... but we still took bp, temp and pulse and assisted whenever we can...

well since there's nothing on my mind, and i currently not in the mood of the ah pei kinda blog and i'm kinda drained after camping in the library today, i'll just have a run of the mill kinda style of blogging...

so what's in my mind now? eat... cuz now it's already 7pm and i'm waiting for mum to go out with me for dinner... it's just dinner with mum tonite cuz sis got some prefect dinner and dad's in a meeting... well... i guess i'm getting used to it... think tonite's dinner will be at yu kee bak kut teh..=P it has just rained and the weather is a bit chilly so well, bak kut teh will be the right choice!=P speaking of food, nothing beats ss14... bak kut teh alone got 7 shops, tai chau got about 4 also, mamak got 4, petrol station got 3(which means car washing service also got 3), u can now even buy a proton car cuz we have a showroom here now(that's where i got my wira), u can do the laundry, repair ur shoe with the cobbler, buy reloads, and we have the clinic... 2 in fact on the very same row...

this is seriously boring... ahahaha... cuz i don't noe what to blog... if i start about nursing week, i'll definitely be emo wan... see how patients suffer from all types of disease from COPD to mental disorder to SLE to hydronephritis to Hodgkin's lymphoma.. it's seriously pitiful to look at their condition much less be in their shoes and know what they are going thru.. we are just like from the outside looking in... there's more suffering than what meets the eye...

i'm trying to carve a poem out from my granite head but i just can't... ain't know why.. on some days it comes out fluid as water and on some days, i spent days trying to write about something but it's just not coming out... i'm tired perhaps.. been waking up early to seremban and then back to library to catch up on what i've left out and this and that... i guess after summ2, i will have to take a break... this time i'll prob just spend a day in the club doing some swimming and eating lunch off the plate served beside the swimming pool sipping iced lemon tea.. ahaha.. i'm just dreaming! oooopppss! but nothing wrong wat... everyone has got to have their sanctuary... to feel safe sometimes whenever things are getting tough... i guess my sanctuary is just golf and a relaxing swim and prob catch a movie and later of the night stroll on my field praying hard that there's no clouds so i could catch the stars again....

always remember guys, when u feel lost sometimes, always look up above into the velvet sky and be mesmerised by the beauty of the stars that glitter like jewels far more than any price we could pay on earth... that's beauty and that's an everlasting beauty...

Happy 50th bday Mum!

Ah...

First of all defination of TGIF= Thank God It's Fridays...

My defination of TGIF after everything(makan and paying bills) = Thank Goodness I'm FAT! and Froke!!! (short for Friggin Broke)...=P

I've got intoxicated by unlimited rounds of coke, a bunch of bottomless french fries, one big slab of beef and chicken, some choc shake that taste like mc flurry's and a quarter of a piece of cake...

It's mum's bday! and it's her 50th bday... i have to say we are very happy about it cuz it's half a century old! can't imagine once u put out the word 'century' it sounds terrible old but...

yeah... 50 IS OLD...=P sorry mum...

so what we had was we went to TGIF at subang parade and were USHERED in.. wow... can't u believe it... tsk tsk.. cuz i told them in advance that my mum is coming... 'make way for the queen'... so we had like 3 TGIF ppl coming and usher us to our seats...

ah... u can't imagine the crowd on a monday nite.. in fact rite.. i later found out that there were already 4 bdays before us... (they came in during lunch hour) and after dinner i found out that my mum was the 12th time they sang happy bday to.. wow.. so many ppl bday on the 6th of nov... when were were dining, it heard at least 5-6 happy bday songs sang by the waiters and waitresses of TGIF... no wonder TGIF is 'the place' to go to...

well, words can't express what we had but then I PAID FOR THE MEAL... ehehhe... u can't imagine how much was the bill but then we ordered oni 3 stuff... my mum and sis shared... me and dad ordered our respective meals and drinks... and it was a whopping RM 149.30!!! and when i found out the tax, i nearly fell dead... tax was RM 21...

well, i guess let the pics do the talking...=P
The TGIF restaurant in Subang Parade... 1st time i'm visiting this restaurant...
Mum and dad taking pic.. wow... both already 50.. damn romantic.. =P
Me and sis cam-whoring while waiting for food to come... ish... this is soooo angelene teo-fungus style... sowee... jkjk!!!! somehow i got infected... ooppss..=P

My wonderful er... chicken and beef grill served with brocolli and mash potato... i hardly can finish my mash potato but i whacked ALL my dad's french fries.. guess fried stuff taste better.. ehehe.. think of the amount of FATS i'm gonna put on...=P








Dad's burger... er... think it's some swiss burger something lar.. can't heck remember already.. i remember whacking ALL his damn fries lar... way much better than Mc D's... i mean DUHHH...
Mum and sis shared this tower fajita thing which they can't finish which I ENDED UP EATING MOST OF IT...
Dad as usual.... just 'TRYING TO BE FUNNY'... trying to tunjuk and flex his muscle... 'I'M STILL MACHO MAN'...
My mum tucking in her fajita tower... seriously rite... never seem my mum eat so much before...
The crew singing to my mum her 50th bday song... mum was pretty surprised...=)
The free cake that TGIF gave to my mum... pretty cool eh... looks nice but seriously taste like crap.. ahaha... think nobody buy that's why they keep giving free cakes...=P
Mum blowing the candle on the cake... HAPPY 50TH BDAY MUM!!!

Dinner: RM 149.30...

The family shot... & ...............................
seeing my mum smile this BBBBIIIIIGGGGG smile............

PRICELESS!!!!

For everything else... you have...............

MASTER CARD / VISA...................................

Yeah... no joke... i'm 'froke' now...=P
it was a great dinner.. and boy.... i'm soooooo full i think i gained 2 kilos after walking out... ah and lastly....

THANK YOU T.G.I.F.!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'VE MADE MY MUM VERY VERY HAPPY TODAY!!!!!

p/s: dear xan... mum told me u called and she was kinda er... shocked but glad to get ur wishes.. er... i din tell her ur heart was racing sooo fast & she din tell me EXACTLY what both of u talked about but she's nevertheless want to say thank you..=)

dear friend

i know it's tough... i could hear it from the very tone of your voice... it doesn't take a genius to tell me that you are heartbroken.. it doesn't take a smart ass to understand the pain that you've been going thru... but its just plain stupidity sometimes to let it drag on till u feel ur life was at the bottom of the pit...

prob the wisest thing now is to let time take it's course... time is actually therapeutic... i realised it myself... the wound will heal but the scar still remains.. but then the pain will be gone and the scar will be there for you to realise that there is nothing perfect in this world... there are ups and downs.. there are heartbreaking moments you have to face.. let the scar be a reminder to you that when you get what u wish for, don't let it go away...

i can't say that i'm a perfect counsellor.. neither were u prepared to hear me out... but always noe that when u are down and out, when u feel that the air in u have been knocked out by a metal studded punch, always know that my fon is ere to air ur grieviences out.. but of course, it doesn't come free.. heck.. nothing comes free these days... so you know what i mean... *hints*

u can't just end something wonderful becuase u just have a hinge that something better will come along the way... u can't just let it go because u feel someone else might have feelings for u... it's just not right... u should be happy with what u have...

there is never end to 'what might have been'... it's what is going on is the most important thing.. u might think it's better the other way, but how sure can u be? be grateful for what u are having man... you can't forsee the future... you were once a happy guy but look at you now... you look terrible... i'm your friend for quite some time so i can safely say that you look terrible... yes.. and i mean it...

people make mistakes.. i'm not perfect myself... but u learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them... don't worry so much.. take a day at a time... if you think reconcilation is no more an option then move on... get busy with life... it's hard.. i know it's hard... but u have to pull ur socks up... suck it up... it's your mistake... so at some point, u have to pay for what u have done...

honestly, frankly, downright truthful from me is you should reconcile... wonderful things shouldn't be thrown away jsut like that... it takes some sincerity within you.. she's got to know you are sincere and want a second chance.. if you think she's all that you've got, then i wish u well.. we make mistakes some times... but important thing is that after we make them we must know it's our fault and make up to it...

i wish you well... it's been great to know that you didn't do anything stupid... don't do anything irrational.. be the person who you were once... sometimes things happen for a reason.. maybe something better will come along the way? i mean who knows?

i'm happy with my life now... and to let u know, i really do cherish what i have with me.. to know that now you are down, i'm willing to help you come out from this pool of mess... heck, i'm trying to study here but then i know you will read what i write... so i hope this will get to your senses... don't let me know that my efforts are in vain... just suck it up and apologise... maybe i wear my heart on my sleeve as what u say... but it's me... i'm true to what i do... you've known who i am...

i will remember you in my prayers man... just take care and hope things will turn out fine again...

you really owe me one...

yours as always,
your friend