thoughts on life~勿忘我!!

it's xandra's birthday!

2010-07-11T12:36:00.003+08:00

hey folks...

been a long time since i last blogged.. but i don't have anything to say so far.. just that i've been staying up late a couple of nites to watch the games i *ahem* on.. haha.. save for the match last nite germany vs uruguay.. cuz i'm super drowsy after taking actifed..

sometimes i wonder why medical students abuse drugs.. this is the reason why.. cuz when we can't sleep, we take something that makes us go to bed with the use of it's side effects.. we seem to have the remedy for something that don't go rite. if it's a poison item, we make do with OTC that gives us the same effect or kick! lol.. ok la.. not all medical students but i know of some who do..

anyway this post is not about that.. this post is dedicated to my gf xandra ang!

ok la.. initially it was supposed to be a surprise party.. been calling ppl to come on fridays.. but then rite, after calling ppl, realised that her parents are coming on tuesday which is the same day as the plan! lol.. then have to expose the plans abit to her.. haha.. which then it wasn't really a surprise anymore.. ish..

part of the plan was also not to wish her happy birthday too.. and that's the reason i din msg or call even though i know i should.. haha.. anyhow, chris and denise brought cake to her place at midnite.. lol. and he also brought cake the next day. haha.. anyway thanks a lot chris poi and denise tan suyin.

so the dinner was at suria station and those who went were my hse mates wei liang, and hon keong. also there were de jun, chris poi, denise, sei yen, lie joo and wen leong. so total 10 orang.. haha. anyway for those who want to see the pic it's in my fb pics..

sorry for the not calling/ not messaging.. it was meant for everybody forget ur bday this and that.. haha.. want to kenakan u but tak jadi completely. lol.. anyway i hope u have had a nice bday and all the dim sum u had also.. hehe..

happy 23rd birthday xandra ang!

muax!

2010-05-13T22:19:00.002+08:00

this was from a doctor who left home to serve elsewhere and i do believe in his verdict, dont we all? as we are experiencing this as part of our system.

the doctor's blog id is ms mohammad. i do hope that he does share his anger, frustration and grieve to the public to enlighten them how things should be done instead of what's been going on here..

"I read an interesting article today about a few prominent figures addressing their concern over the increasing UKM and UM medical graduates who have left the country to continue their medical practice overseas.

After reading the news for 3 times, I called a very close friend, an MD (UKM) graduate to ask his opinion on how the news might have affected him. He has been working in Singapore for more than a decade as a Consultant Surgeon with a certain sub-specialty

"Why be a slave in your own country, when you are a king in another?" He replied.

Indeed, if anybody would want to find a reason why all of us left, either after housemanship, after being a specialist, or even after sub specializing, and now, even prior to doing housemanship, they need not look at our payslip, or the wealth that we have gained overseas, but only to the Medical System that has been rotting in the ignorance and politic-based stupidity that Malaysia has been well-known for (in the medical field).

I have served the system for nearly 2 decades of my career, waiting for it to improve for so long, and only finding myself in despair, quitting with a 24-hour notice and serving abroad. The system is, in my opinion, keeping doctors, since the beginning of their career as House Officers to the end of it, in the lowermost priority. When I was working there, doctors are so ill-treated, while the nurses and the medical assistants are overpowering us.

I still remember the days when I was doing seeing patients and rounds as an MO, while the staff nurses would mind their own business, having breakfast in the pantry, or having gossip chats at their own leisure. My House Officers would then have to do merely all the labour-work, up to the extent of setting intravenous drips, and serving medications. If I am to expect the nurses, my patients would have been dead, or the work would have been too slowly or incompletely done.

When I was a House Officer, I had to run down 4-5 floors just to review a blood investigation of a dying dengue patient. The ward staff would either be nowhere around, or will say that he is busy (busier than the doctor?) or the answer I got at that time:

"Doktor nak cepat, doktor turun sendirilah, gaji doktor lagi banyak dari saya"

Even when I was a Specialist, the staff nurses had to be called again and again just to make sure the management plan for the patient would be done. I was already used to answers from them:

“I’m busy with something else"

“My shift is already over"

...it was routine for me.

The Medical Assistants were worse. They would hide behind their so-called boss, the Head of Medical Assistant. They feel hiding behind him would make them not under our jurisdiction, that we have no power to instruct them in managing the patient, that they have power to manage own their own. I've seen them giving medications not as we prescribed, performing procedures without our knowledge, as if they are the actual "Doctors". They are in their own world, and we have to do their job, taking blood, labelling samples, and even cleaning gadgets from the procedures that we have done.

Oh, but the ministry loves this group. They even let them run a clinic now, instead of upgrading the clinics already run by doctors. The government feels that the MAs are very important and should never be ill-treated by those big bad doctors. One time when I was a District Hospital Medical Officer, I was conducting a delivery of a baby. An MA insisted that I remove my car which was block-parking his car. I answered through the phone that I was busy.

He came to the labor room and yelled "Semua orang pun sibuk jugak, macamlah doktor seorang yang sibuk!”

It is insulting that an MA or a staff nurse claims that they are BUSY, as busy as a doctor? As a Malaysian Doctor, I have even worked for 72 hours straight. I have experienced working until my 6 month old daughter did not recognize me at the end of the week.

Is that how busy they are? I am very sure that they are so busy, that they can only spend 2 hours at the nearby Mamak stall, or can only leave at 5:10 PM instead of 5, or can only have 1 hour of lunch.

The management staffs are worse. I have to beg and plead so that I can get my on-call claims, of RM25 per 48 hours of work. While sitting in an air-conditioned office, they will at their own leisure, process my call claims so that I will receive them by the next decade.

The state health or Hospital Director would just give another inspirational talk (of bollocks) on team effort and beauty of teamwork.

That is how Malaysian doctors are treated in the government sector: without respect, without dignity and without significance. Why?

It is because we are bound by ethics to try our best to save lives, despite how ill-treated we are. We hardly have time to complaint because we are too busy or tired, and we would rather spend the precious time resting or seeing our loved ones. The burden of trying to save lives is on our shoulders alone. No MAs or Staff nurses would shoulder it with us. They have their own bosses: the Sisters, Matrons, or Head of MAs, which job description is to ensure that the big bad doctors will not ask their underlings to do extra work.

This is how the Malaysian Ministry of Health have treated their doctors. I am very sure that in each and every doctor, there is a slowly-burning patience in serving the Malaysian people, which will eventually fade and cause them to surrender to serving a place that treats them better.

A few colleagues who graduated from UK choose to serve there:

"The pay is more, and we get the respect we deserve"

Another works in Brunei:

“Here the staff nurses respect Malaysian doctors, and they are very co-operative" (He ended up marrying one)

A few are consultants in Singapore (working with me):

"Here we are treated well, we spearhead the management, and every else do their work to the best of their capabilities".

A few even enjoys working in Indonesia:

“The work-load is horrible since there are a lot of patients, but we are well respected by every hospital personnel" (They have migrated there for nearly a decade)

I am sure that people will see doctors as power-hungry individuals who want to be the boss in the hospital. Trust me, after having graduated 6-7 years of medical school, earning a DEGREE, and subsequently MASTERS, and SUBSPECIALITY, you would expect a degree of respect and being considered important. We are trying our best to improve patient's quality of life, or making sure he lives another day. Is it too much to ask from the system that we are important?

I find that Malaysia is the only country that is making doctors' lives miserable and treated like rubbish. It was never about the pay in the first place. It is about the treatment we are getting and the false political-based promises. Do you know that the so-called circular about doctors can have the day off after working 24 hours straight released JULY 2009 is not yet implemented? Do you know that the raise of UD 41 to 44 does not involve every doctor in the government service?

We are waiting for improvement. We have waited a long time when we were working in the system. Somewhere along the line we decided to leave and wait outside the system. Until the system changes, we will continue to work overseas, in countries which are appreciative of us. Trust me, Malaysian-graduate doctors are considered highly skilful and competent in neighbouring countries, and the 15 % brain drain is more significant than you think.

We will return when the system prioritize us and gives us the quality of life we deserve.

If it stays the same, Malaysian Hospitals would end up having Staff nurses and Medical Assistants as "Doctors", and we would have to send patients to Indonesia for an appendicectomy.

Hear our voice. We hardly speak, but will usually fade away from conflict (and fly to another place)."

2010-05-04T22:34:00.002+08:00

it has been a long lay off..

i also don't noe why.. just didn't feel like blogging.. busy with this and that.. mind preoccupied with this and that.. i don't even remember when was the last actual time i actually penned something down..

perhaps having a marathon cardio class with prof chin is a perfect way to get deflated by the end of the day.. or perhaps that you just wait and pray that dr tai is going on call on the nights that you are on call too so you can try to squeeze a little bit more on the kind hearted soft spoken dr tai to learn something about mind boggling neuro from him which is already mind boggling enough...

sometimes when you take a step back and reflect on the thigns that all of us have gone thru to pass out from med school, we will come to a point and wonder whether that night call with dr so and so will shape our decision one day in determining a patient's outcome (not life and death issue dramatic la). perhaps a diff choice of drugs perhaps what one fine day we read during our EBM class with prof EBM could give our patient a better prognosis..

the point is that does it really matter? will we still remember the things that we were thought before when the time comes? or perhaps the best way is that for time to tell.. or it's just that the most important lessons in life have to be faced with much difficulty before we actually learn something from it? like i ambu bagged this 19 yr old girl last time when i was in sem 6 when she collapsed due to defaulted treatment for retinoblastoma.. when i looked back, the way i bagged prob caused her to have pneumothorax being this eager clinical school bound student who just wants to help but did not know the dangers of overzealousness..

it only took me till sem 8 to learn proper bagging from dr thiru.. only did i noe that small minor things like that matters alot..

and i guess this takes on as life lessons later.. that small thing counts and the best lessons in life are best learned from what a human can feel and do.. i guess that's what im' thinking tonite at this moment when i blog this post..

good nite world..

情歌...

2010-02-17T23:16:00.003+08:00

am i like this?

2010-02-16T21:47:00.005+08:00

HUMANMETRICS

YOUR TYPE
E N F J
Strength of the preferences %
56 12 50 56
Jung Career Indicator™ determines careers most suitable for your type from personality type standpoint. Based on your personality type, the following is a list of your most suitable occupations along with some examples of educational institutions, where you can receive a relevant degree or training. Please click institution name for more information. Invite your friends to discover most suitable for them careers.
Career Educational Institutions
Social Service
Counseling
Psychology
Social Work
Education
Public Health
Physician
Science/Technical
Science
Computer Programming
Management
Management
Fashion Merchandising
Politics
Famous people of your particular type
Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, Clara Barton (Founder of the American Red Cross), Ronald Reagan

ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.

ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.

ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance. ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.

ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.

TRADEMARK: "The first shall be last"
This refers to the open-door policy of ENFJs. One ENFJ colleague always welcomes me into his office regardless of his own circumstances. If another person comes to the door, he allows them to interrupt our conversation with their need. While discussing that need, the phone rings and he stops to answer it. Others drop in with a 'quick question.' I finally get up, go to my office and use the call waiting feature on the telephone. When he hangs up, I have his undivided attention!

Functional Analysis:
Extraverted Feeling
Extraverted Feeling rules the ENFJ's psyche. In the sway of this rational function, these folks are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people, and especially on behalf of their beloved. As extraverts, their contacts are wide ranging. Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare.
Introverted iNtuition
Like their INFJ cousins, ENFJs are blessed through introverted intuition with clarity of perception in the inner, unconscious world. Dominant Feeling prefers to find the silver lining in even the most beggarly perceptions of those in their expanding circle of friends and, of course, in themselves. In less balanced individuals, such mitigation of the unseemly eventually undermines the ENFJ's integrity and frequently their good name. In healthier individuals, deft use of this awareness of the inner needs and desires of others enables this astute type to win friends, influence people, and avoid compromising entanglements.

The dynamic nature of their intuition moves ENFJs from one project to another with the assurance that the next one will be perfect, or much more nearly so than the last. ENFJs are continually looking for newer and better solutions to benefit their extensive family, staff, or organization.
Extraverted Sensing
Sensing is extraverted. ENFJs can manage details, particularly those necessary to implement the prevailing vision. These data have, however, a magical flexible quality. Something to be bought can be had for a song; the same something is invaluable when it's time to sell. (We are not certain, but we suspect that such is the influence of the primary function.) This wavering of sensory perception is made possible by the weaker and less mature status with which the tertiary is endowed.
Introverted Thinking
Introverted Thinking is least apparent and most enigmatic in this type. In fact, it often appears only when summoned by Feeling. At times only in jest, but in earnest if need be, Thinking entertains as logical only those conclusions which support Feeling's values. Other scenarios can be shown invalid or at best significantly inferior. Such "Thinking in the service of Feeling" has the appearance of logic, but somehow it never quite adds up.

Introverted Thinking is frequently the focus of the spiritual quest of ENFJs. David's lengthiest psalm, 119, pays it homage. "Law," "precept," "commandment," "statute:" these essences of inner thinking are the mysteries of Deity for which this great Feeler's soul searched.

Even more than the other Idealists, Teachers have a natural talent for leading students or trainees toward learning, or as Idealists like to think of it, they are capable of calling forth each learner's potentials. Teachers (around two percent of the population) are able - effortlessly, it seems, and almost endlessly-to dream up fascinating learning activities for their students to engage in. In some Teachers, this ability to fire the imagination can amount to a kind of genius which other types find hard to emulate. But perhaps their greatest strength lies in their belief in their students. Teachers look for the best in their students, and communicate clearly that each one has untold potential, and this confidence can inspire their students to grow and develop more than they ever thought possible.

In whatever field they choose, Teachers consider people their highest priority, and they instinctively communicate personal concern and a willingness to become involved. Warmly outgoing, and perhaps the most expressive of all the types, Teachers are remarkably good with language, especially when communicating in speech, face to face. And they do not hesitate to speak out and let their feelings be known. Bubbling with enthusiasm, Teachers will voice their passions with dramatic flourish, and can, with practice, become charismatic public speakers. This verbal ability gives Teachers a good deal of influence in groups, and they are often asked to take a leadership role.

Teachers like things settled and organized, and will schedule their work hours and social engagements well ahead of time-and they are absolutely trustworthy in honoring these commitments. Valuing as they do interpersonal cooperation and harmonious relations, Teachers are extraordinarily tolerant of others, are easy to get along with, and are usually popular wherever they are.

2010-02-13T12:27:00.002+08:00

seriously feeling damn babi hutan on new year's eve..

went to ss15.. after that when take care my car that time, the tyres are flat! like FLAT kau.. must have kena paku on the way back from sban for sure.. it's like zero air.. haih..

then after changed to spare which to me felt like ages thou was oni 20 mins only to realise that i have to settle my own brunch... i thought can eat mc d double prosperity burger without burning a hole in my pocket cuz eat with dad but in the end have to settle to eat at sukumaran cuz it's the oni restaurant open today..

only to realise some jackass idiot (i don't wanna name the race here but it's sukumaran so you'll guess it) didn't look at the back before reversing from the parking lot and reversed straight into me while i was stopping to wait for another person's parking...

knnccbwtf-to-the-power-of-infinity.. i got down from the car and the other party's father came and say sorry sorry sorry... my retort was like
'are you trying to ruin my cny ah?'
'sorry sorry didn't see'
'then teach your son to watch the mirror before reversing la man!'
'sorry'

after reversing out that guy's son didn't even come out and say sorry.. just drove off.. and that pissed me off! WEV 6730 mercedes benz. seriously... i was ok and didn't try to make a commotion... i mean ppl make mistakes la.. but then his son which is not much younger than me didn't even look at me in the eye and say sorry in fact drove off WITH THE F-CKING MIDDLE FINGER IN FRONT OF SUKUMARAN!!!!!! when it was him who knocked my car..

verdict? i'm going to usj police station and lodge a report for... ?hit and run, ?causing emotional trauma, or ?just-to-get-back-at-you.. the damage is in fact quite minor as compared to last time when i trashed my front bonet of my car... just some paint gone oni.. but too bad for that guy.. or am i just too unforgiving? i don't think so.. i guess i was ok after his father said sorry.. his son was the one who pulled the plug.. i mean has anyone hit your car and gave you the finger? i mean wtf!!! i was patiently waiting for another car to reverse, and the blind driver din look at the back of the car and just drove out hitting me..

no sorry with middle finger = visit to the balai and report = hope they come fine u $300 so you can't have that nike/adidas/prada/gucci/i phone/nokia/blackberry after paying the fine.. haha! lol..

2010-02-07T16:16:00.001+08:00

towards the end, you will have engaged in mutual fixation one too many a times, and as you continue to do so, ask yourself if these images of suffering are falling on your retina like so many layers of snow on a barren land, or whether just sometimes you might allow your eye to thaw and resolve itself into perhaps just one true tear...

2010-02-07T13:26:00.003+08:00

i see it's a full moon tonite.
it doesn't matter where you are in the world,
it's never bigger than your thumb.

*puts his thumb overlapping the moon as he walked down the beach with her*

Dear John

2010-02-07T02:20:00.002+08:00

On nights like this when i can't sleep a wink, i search for new upcoming movies and voila! this one is really really good. simply becuase it's from the novel of NICHOLAS SPARKS..

nicky sparks has always always been my fav author.. in fact, the books he wrote was so emotionally binding that when i read them, i could always revisit them at any time without having the thoughts of what would come next. simply because the style of writing was just so good that i can't let down the book when i'm reading.

the notebook, his very first one was my first book i read from him back then in sec school. and yeah.. dear john, from book to movie, i have no qualms in watching it.. because it's from nicky! and i have been reading a walk to remember, message in a bottle and bend in the road over and over again for the past couple of months..

it's always a welcome read, it's always a revisit to the past, it's always a drop of tear that roll down the cheek.

perhaps that he wrote it in a very down to earth heart warming way which captures my heart. and yeah.. i'm just soooo gonna get 'dear john' from mph soon.. plus the mesa that i've been dreaming about if my ang pow money is good this year around..

of late the time of this night,
i lay down to bed with the moon in sight,
whispering trees, will you walk with me?
embrace me in my dreamland to be?
hit the sack jen lye! come to bed with burdens light!
with a sigh, bade the world good night...

2010-02-06T18:54:00.003+08:00

if i was given a chance to love,
what more i would give in me?
like a rose that bloom from the earth,
i'd give That rose to Thee.

thou art so fair and so lovely,
locks of hair flutters gently,
Thy eyes captured of this story,
walk with me,
fly with me,
to between of worlds we flee.

jen lye
6/2/2010

2010-01-30T16:18:00.001+08:00

finding my way home after wandering away for a long time.. where the heart belongs to.. my sanctuary =)

2010-01-21T22:15:00.003+08:00

today is just sooo not my day..

to cut it short, i'm having a swelling on my proximal 4th phalanx as well as tenderness on palpation on the PIP joint.. haih.. the whole bloody trouble is that the ball wasn't in a powerful speed and neither was it a direct shot.. i just miscalculated the flight angle, dipping shot, bla bla... whatever la.. and instead of catching it, it hit directly on the finger straight on.. bloody shit.. and now it's odematous, can't flex the PIP joint, severe tightness on passive flexion and severely tender on palpation on the 4th proximal phalanx...

and then later came an elbow straight on the cartilaginous part of my nose and a direct hyperflexion of the ankle joint hit as i had a fantastic boot to boot contact with danny ferns.. now, my ankle is hurting like an old lady's and my nose.. thank god, is not looking like sandra bullock..

oh well. i'm having RICE now... plus a whole lot of fastum gel and PCM.. i used to have this strip of diclofenac where i bloody misplaced it.. so much for needing it and don't have it.. stupidity has taken it's toll.. i'm left with a kuchi PCM for pain control... and i'm spinning out of control... lol..

ok la.. all is whining oni.. i wonder if i hadn't gone for futsal, din get my regular workout, would things be better? but then.. the adrenalin rush when blocking a direct shot or diving for a save is PRICELESS..

so what's the verdict.. it's all in a day's job.. i guess it goes the same for HO who's in the A&E or be in some one who crashed in the ward.. as long as you know that you have put ur best foot forward.. the beating that comes later doesn't matter anymore.. as long as you know that you have gave your best... ahh!!! that satisfaction..

btw him heang penang tambun biscuit has been my supper for the past 2 days.. gosh it's damn good.. especialy when u take it with a steaming hot cup of lipton tea, no sugar of course.. then take a nice swig of that hematuric looking tea and voila! u have a nice and happy stomach..

i guess it's back to disorders of esophagus.. ENT is like boring as the ents in LOTR.. heard of TREEBEARD in lord of the rings? they are called ENTS if i'm not wrong.. this is just soo random of me.. ah.. what the heck la.. another mouth of tambun biscuit dissolve in my amylase enzyme of my buccal cavity as it goes through the buccal phase, pharyngeal phase and then esophageal phase..

why do medical ppl like to use jargons even when off duty? for me to know and for you to find out.. haha..=P

p/s this post is the most bloody random thing i've ever blogged about.. lol..

The Lost Soul

2010-01-19T19:53:00.001+08:00

The sky was blue, and clouds were white,
A wanderer with a search in sight.
Wandered he closely by the shore,
With hope of searching a saying that implored:

“Oh Heaven’s shine! Thou art feel bright!
For love is all in your might!
Embrace it tight! Caress it light!
Let it not be lost of sight!”

And with all the strength he could muster,
Shouted he out loud to the deeping waters.

“To the Sea! To the Sea! The white gulls are crying,
Nor’easter wind blows, and the white foam is forming.
West, west away, the round Sun is falling,
O’ Mother! Do you hear my calling?
Voices of despair cried before me,
I took leave in a world that bore me.
For many days are ending and my years are failing,
I shall pass the wide waters lonely sailing.
In search of a lady, embarked I on this journey,
A fair and lovely maiden as glory.
Searched I high and low,
My boat, powerless, goes where wind blows.
Sail I to the ends of the world,
With hope and faith that shone like pearl.
Yea Faith! Desperately I cling on to you,
Till I see land, my faith shall never be subdued.

To the Stars! To the Stars!
My companion and guide, thru’ many darkness thus far.
Brightly cascade you in the sky,
Oh, what beauty to me when on the deck I lie.
Above lonely shadows where mighty Gods dwell,
Till I found my maiden, I shall not bid farewell.

To the Moon! To the Moon!
An icon of love, I seek you out soon!
Thru’ toils and snares, I am not dismayed,
For bewildered I was on enchanted ways.
I wandered far from northern strands,
Beyond counted days on mortal land.
Blindly in the foam my little boat fled,
Unheralded in my quest I sped.”

And by chance on land he saw,
A lovely maiden stood by the shore.
The locks of her hair flew with great beauty,
A fair lovely maiden it’s got to be!
“Lady! Lady! Come abroad!
Lest I have my boat to dock!”

“Knight! O’ Knight! Come what thee for me?
For I have nothing to offer thee.”

“Gold my Lady! Gold I carry!
On our journey home, shall we be merry!”

“Hearken to me dear Knight, thee shall hear!
Offer thee not happiness I fear!”

And magically she disappeared,
A beautiful butterfly however appeared.
He chased and chased with little thought,
What agony to him this chase had brought.
The harder he chased, the farther he chased,
She eluded him more like a maze.
Chased he till he could chase no more,
For his feet on the sand begin to sore.

“Leave me not my lovely Lady,
Regretted I for giving wrongly.
Accept my apology for I have learnt,
For it is happiness that I yearn.”

He knelt down there and begin to cry,
That night, his eyes were never dry.
Then he heard a whisper in the distance,
A sweet and charming voice he listened.

“Knight! O’ Knight! Thy armour gleamed so bright!
Thou art chased with all your might.
Sadly, feelings in thee, I have not,
Thy chasing is, in all but naught.”

With that, the butterfly changed its form,
To the most beautiful maiden ever born.

“Go O’ Knight, speed away,
For I am only an illusion to stay.
Seek deeper in the word of love,
For another maiden who better deserves.
Thy love, thy care, spend them not on me,
Take my advice well with thee.”

And with great sorrow he heaved a sigh,
A heavy heart, he let out a cry.

“Here at journey’s end I lie,
Beyond all seas deep and high.
In darkness never have my light so dimmed,
Because it’s in thee, that happiness I foreseen.
Knelt I here this day,
With hearts so broken,
Wait I thee for everlasting days,
Till thy love is spoken.
Lost to me, lost to me,
Whitherward fled?
Gone from me, gone from me,
Shadow-ward sped.
Hearing thy voice, to me,
Echoing still.
Seeing the flight of thee,
Will of my will.
Lost is the wild song of me,
Notes that belong to thee.
Love torn and strong to be,
Mute in the Sea.
Shame to me, shame to me,
Set has the Sun.
Silent thou art to me,
My chasing forth is done.”

-jens-

2010-01-18T00:46:00.002+08:00

i don't noe where to begin.. i don't noe where to start..

but to start with an apology to me, is a good way to start something.. apology for things that i've done wrong. and actions that i've taken which may cross people's feelings or hurt them.. i'm truly sorry...

i'm supposed to be studying. there is dhingra out there. pages splayed wide open. there is the ohcs. there is the toronto notes.. and lastly there is this book 'the purpose driven life' by rick warren.

i have watched many movies today. listened to many songs. and spent the last 2 hours reading back my old post. i'm surprised that i could write and blog so much those days.. and wondering why am i staring blankly on my computer screen. i'm trying to conjure up poems.. but without avail. and so here i am reading page 154 of the purpose driven life.. trying to find meaning to it.. trying to understand each sentence and praying each day to find back the meaning of why things happen in a certain way..

this brings back to my very very old post on the day that i was admitted to sjmc where i met this old friend of mine (a patient who i befriended). his wife went thru many things with him and finally something that stuck in my head till now. 'God is never a second early, nor a second late. He arrives at the precise moment'.

hmmm.. i guess i just have to be patient..

and here is the best part of the book.

Emphasize reconciliation , not resolution. it is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything. but one thing to take home is that reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem. when we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often becomes irrelevant.

i have certainly over many days realised that i have not been what i used to be. i can't laugh till the cows come home anymore. i can't make silly jokes and laugh at myself anymore.. and i looked at myself in the mirror.. where have i lost it?

the toll was the studies and the workload.. and yes.. i do agree it has taken over me.. but i'm in control of myself.. i can only let it take over me if i allow it to.. not that i should slack but there are times when i need to focus, i focus with all my heart. i still have my sane self which i need to keep intact.. it's me.. it's within me.. i must find that magic back...

sorry this post is all about me only.. but tonite, i have thought about alot of things.. i want to reconnect with people whom i have lost, talk to people who means most to me, touch people hearts when and where it matters most.. this is me, this is myself.. and i can't lose that.. or i lose everything.. i give my heart best in everything i do.. and that's a promise i made today...

i begin to accept that i can only be good only if i let everything go.. learn how not to be too aggressive, learn to control my emotions, learn to talk in a more gentle manner... and learn to listen to those who mean most to me... i have lost these things along the way and i plan to learn from these mistakes which brought me down.. to keep improving and to be a better person... sometimes i just want to be the best.. but i know it's impossible to be the best in everything.. as long as i'm in peace with myself that i have indeed given my honest best, then i can go to sleep soundly at night..

the night is late. and it's time to hit the sack.. tomorrow a new day awaits.. awaits with open arms.. how this day or many more days to come depends on how one control one's feelings and carry one's self... i must say i must learn to better myself... this is a promise i made tonite..=)

good nite.. and God bless...

Saturday's midnight..

2010-01-17T01:53:00.003+08:00

星期六的深夜歌词
星期六晚上
哪都不想去
也无法入睡
看着电视机
持续在发呆
喝了七分醉
闭上了眼睛
试着不想你
但已来不及
忘了如何
让眼泪停止流下
还好没人看到
还好没人看见
没人会说话
星期六深夜
我想起了你
没什么特别
只是回忆
你让我自由
我很感激
星期六深夜
永远不会有任何人
能代替你
这就是遗憾的滋味
陪着我形影不离
明天我会面带微笑
但无法忘记你

-Lee Hom-
seriously.. he has taken over jay chou.. just so happen this is currently saturday night... haha.. good nite everyone...=)

newest motivation...

2010-01-17T00:26:00.002+08:00

move aside jay! i'm still a fan of jay's.. but after listening to this song, this is my new motivation.. to sing it...=) haha.. lol.. sorry! syok sendiri.. haha... lee hom style..=P

serenades in a lonely room of mine,
you keep me company,
i listen to the voices of time,
while i drown in the sea of symphony...

-jens-

2010-01-14T22:24:00.002+08:00

Weary eyed I took a stroll
Though was late, but work has taken its toll
I needed a break and to grasslands I went
In search for the stars that leads me to neverland
I cried to the stars littering the skies at night
I wished I could pause this moment and enjoy the sight
But tonight the sky is veiled by the jealous clouds
I stood and stared with increasing doubts
Of late the sky has been crying
And the clouds above have veiled your feelings
Gone when I could see your lovely jewels
Where each and everyone shone brightly as pearls
Your beauty is one that never lies
I’ve enjoyed watching you beyond the distant skies

Where have you been my beloved star?
You’ve been my guide near and afar
With you’ve been veiled I’ve lost my way
I’ve been circling wildly lost for days
Each night I’ve waited with little thought
What agony to me this wait has brought

And as though you have heard my cries
I caught a glimmer of you up high
Your light was faint but it persevered
Like how you taught me when everything went weird
I stood there entranced by your beauty
The clouds cleared and your sight is heavenly

Little by little you light the heavens
Your beauty has always captured my imaginations
You fill my hearts with warmth and wonder
For your presence with me is forever
Wherever I am you’ve always been my guide above earth
Back to a place where I’m warm with love
Your magic never fades throughout the years
Your light shall be my guide through all my fears
And when I’ve lost hope like I always do
Your tiny beacon of light still shines brightly through

I’ve stood and stared long enough a time
To have thought of this poem as a nursery rhyme
Your presence above has been a gift from God
It’s you the stars in loneliness I sought
You make me realize that even in the darkest of night
Your guidance will lead me through with my burdens light
Here now I walk into a home
Knowing there’s you’re always there when I’m alone
Thank you O’ Stars I shall seek you dearly
For you will forever be in my heart eternally

-jens-

2010-01-14T15:57:00.002+08:00

i shall take the steps baby like, to keep giving as it makes me happy too... i can only think of happiness with that comes as you smile in glee... and love is about giving unconditionally..=)

2010-01-10T13:49:00.000+08:00

When the two of them started spending weekends at the quiet Wisconsin lake, they were young and had little money. Her relatives let them use a tiny cottage in a wooded hollow, a mile or so from the water.
He worked odd hours, so often they wouldn't get there until after midnight on a friday. But if the mosquitoes weren't out, they'd go for a moonlight swim, then rest with their backs against a tree and drank wine and talked about their future.
His parents were not around anymore. Divorced a long time ago, they only gave him money, but he was deprived of the most wonderful thing on earth, love. He spent most of his time doing things alone. Not until his sophomore year when he met her. She probably wasn't the most beautiful girl in the university but she was nevertheless charming enough to make heads turn whenever she walks into the lecture hall. She breathed in a new life to him, as someone who was always there to help and hold his hands when he needed emotional support.
One summer the young man bought an old motorboat. They'd ride along the shoreline, looking at the houses and wondering what it would be like to have a place on the water. He'd just shake his head; these houses were just too expensive and cost more than he could afford. Even if he could, he would land himself in such heavy debt with a meagre income.
Years passed. They had kids. After a while, they didn't go to the little cottage as often. Finally her relatives sold the place.
The Lady Luck was smiling on him. He got lucky in his work, making more money than he ever dreamed they'd have. Remembering those weekends, they went back and bought a cedar house on the water. The place was surrounded by huge old oak trees, coupled with spruce, and the land sloped gently down the shore. It was perfect. No words could express his feelings.
They hadn't known summers could be that good. In the mornings, he'd go fishing before it was light. She'd sleep until the birds woke her. Then he'd make breakfast, toast and jelly and sometimes they ate omelettes on the deck.
They got to know the chipmunks, the squirrels and a woodpecker who took over the biggest tree. They got to know the grocer, the butcher who smoked his own bacon, the farmer who sold them vine-ripened tomatoes.
The best part of their day was dusk. She loved sunsets. They'd always stop to watch the sun go down, changing the colour of the lake from hues of blue to purple, to silver and to black. One evening, he made up a small poem:
The sun rolls down,
Like a golden tear,
Another day,
Another day,
Gone.
She told him it was sad, but that she liked it. What she didn't like was October, even with the beautiful colours and evenings in front of the fire place. She was a summer person. The cold wind wasn't her friend.
In November, they would store the boat, take down the hammock and lock everything tight and drive back to the city. She'd always sigh as the left.
Finally spring would come, and when they knew the ice on the lake was gone, they'd be back. She'd throw open the doors and wondows and let in the fresh air. The she'd go out and greet the chipmunks and the woodpeckers.
Every summer seemed better than the last. The sunsets seemed more spectacular. And more precious. They held hand, with fingers intertwined, his thumb caressing the smooth skin of her hand, her head against his shoulders, while whispering the beauty of nature that played in front of their eyes. She liked it when they both held hands, for they had been doing so since they were teenagers in love.
Then one weekend, he went alone to close the place down for the winter.
He worked quickly trying not to let himself think that this particular chair had been her favourite, that the hammock had been her Christmas gift to him, that the house on the lake was his gift to her.
He didn't work quickly enough though and he was still there at the sunset. It was a great burst of orange, the kind she loved best.
He tried but he couldn't watch it alone. And definitely not through tears. So he turned his back on it, went inside, drew the draperies, locked the doors and drove away.
Later there would be a 'for sale' sign out front. Maybe a couple who loved to quietly watch sunsets together would like it. He hoped so.

surprise party

2009-11-13T22:10:00.027+08:00

hey fellas..

it's been some time since i last blog about anything.. and since seremban is pretty boring a place at times, a surprise once in a while can be quite entertaining..

so it was the 12th of nov and on that day hon keong and wei liang went out dinner like themselves without telling me after they said that they wanted to go out makan together.. i thought i offended them liao becuz that day i ask prof teng, 'do we have to submit 2 ebm actually ar?' then like immediately wei liang sms me.. 'eh u LT house mate, pls think before asking'..

so ah.. i thought i already kena tu lan by them already.. then left me alone sumore after promising wan to makan together.. then xandra also another one say that dinner is 7.30.. i was like.. huh? normally dinner is 5-6pm and that day din eat proper lunch felt very hungry so ask to go for dinner but asked to wait..

and so i waited and watching 'troy' the movie and eating muruku my cfcs pt gave to me to tahan lapar..

so xandra drove and we left from my hse at about 7.30 even though i haven't watch finish troy yet.. haha.. then halfway denise call la.. then xandra said ok... then ask that time what did denise say she said that 'call wrong no'. denise call wrong no ar? like so blur until THAT blur meh..

so i did not have any inkling of idea that i would be surprised on that day and that i did not catch anyone's car that are familiar to me.. all i did was just walked in and then 'wah lau eh.. hon keong and wei liang there la.. sumore say that they are at secret recipe in jusco sumore... and then saw the WHOLE gang there.. okok.. total of 24 ppl turned up and all i can say that i am blardy surprised.. cuz it's a week before my actual bday.. so i din expect any parties to come up.. so here i am at tarot cafe in seremban having a surprise party for my upcoming 24th bday.. the funny thing is that i am blogging still even though i haven't had an actual party for my bday yet.. haha..

anyway i post some pics and let the pics do the talking.. the pictures are the courtesy of wei liang who brought his camera along..

giving a little speech after cutting the cake..

jeremy, diana and phing phing..

i wonder why this pic is here and not together with the other pics.. sorry i look like er... not dressed the way i should be? cuz i wasn't supposed to be up there.. haha..

this is the wah lau eh part.. KENA SMASHED KAU KAU...

group pic of those who came.. thank you very much!

the 2nd group pic..

xandra the person behind this surprise party.. haha.. thanks alot ya

when the cake is here.. haha.. so windy and have to shield from the wind before the candle goes out on its own..

wen leong, hon keong, me, wei liang and zher lin! this is really a great night..

before the dinner begins..

wen leong always looks just as blur as ever in all the pics!

vanessa, valene and esther..

tai jih and esther..

denise tan suyin and ian zing..

ee pian and hui yan..

diana and phing phing..

hon keong.. can u believe it when i called him he pass the fon to wei liang and conned me they were in jusco seremban! aduh.. what hse mates i have! haha.. thanks for being part of the plan!

kee and wei liang..

me and the little rhino raindeer from tai jih and esther! thank you.. i din noe got sound until someone pressed the body of the raindeer! haha..

tarot cafe.. the place where live music and food come hand in hand..

before the dinner began..

2009-11-01T23:34:00.003+08:00

there was a story of a guy who made an everlasting promise to love a girl who meant a world to him. after long years of dating before eventually saving enough money to settle down, the girl then left him broken hearted with a confession that she doesn't love him anymore.. so sad the guy that he told himself that he would try his very best to salvage anything to save his one and only love.

day by day he wrote little poems and left them under her working desk. or at times a short sms to tell her how much he loves her or by just making a cup of coffee and putting it in a plastic cup as he rushed to pick her up before she leaves on the bus. he called her every night to tuck her into bed and wrote little stories to her about ancient lovers who used the stars where they wished both of them were watching the same beauty together.

the girl who was already lost of love fell all in love again. perhaps this is another way of courtship all over again. or perhaps that she realised that it was just part and parcel of a relationship that one has to sacrifice in order to know how much each relationship is actually worth. she made a silent promise that she will do the very same thing if the guy has wandered away in heart.

the silent promise she kept dear to her heart but little did she know that the wait for the guy to fall out of love will be a long wait for before he could lose faith, god loved him more. there on the day where he lay still under the lovely warm lights of god's love she wrote this poem to him:

so cold the autumn wind that blows,
my heart pains free tears flows,
'i'm sorry baby' i whimpered out,
your heart is here save and sound,
come to me in dreams of dreams,
take my love like a never ending stream

jens -12am 2/11/09

phuket 2009

2009-10-26T23:46:00.009+08:00

keegan, gerald, me and rudy.. man.. this is a trip surrounded with many friendship and laughters. more to come!!!!
eh.. wait!!! this is not my main posting pic! haha.. but fb can't seem to upload pics at all tonite so i have to make do with blogger.. and it also takes ages to load a couple of pics in.. but there is just soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to say about phuket cuz we had a seriously full 4d 3n and we din even do lots of things.. but anyway we did MOST of the things there.. from snorkeling, to aqua show, to phuket fantasea to shooting, to bungy jumping.. u name it we did it! haha.. managed to cram practically everything under the sun into phuket in about full 4 days.. but anyhow, let the pics speak for themselves. i have sooo much more pics to show.. this is just a few.. but internet here is real bad and i just don't noe why fb can't upload pics and blogger is taking ages.. maybe should change to p1w1max.. anyhow this is just a minute few of the 600+ pics from my camera, that hasn't included amy's and joyce's camera.. i think got 1k plus pics already.. haha...

this is Jung ceylon, the shopping mall that is very near our hotel.. i tell you it's so nice and the mc D there is not just a lousy mc d like here.. it's called MC CAFE... cool isn't it... i upload the pic but its missing! urgh! more to come next time..

this was taken up on the hill that oversees phuket.. there are 2 viewing spot and this is the 2nd one.. we were tyring to take keegan getting kicked by joyce.. but then camera too late d.. haha.. crap...

what do you get when you try to stare into rudy's eyes? u get a gay lou model/singer with a whole load of laughter when he manages to hold back his laughter. you laugh first.. trust me man.. try staring into his glasses... i can't hold back my laugh though.. haha...

ok.. this is taken in simon cabaret.. and mind you.. this is actually LADY BOYS! goodness.. this one is the best of the best of all.. she/he (shim) name is KONICA... goodness i wonder what name is that but anyway to take a pic with an aqua it cost rm4.. but anyway we all chose to take with 1 aqua and i just can't load everybody's pic inside but rudy as always takes the limelight with his 'yam' smile.. haha..

the simon cabaret ticket... we are sitting in the VIP seat.. woot!

me and KONICA... i can't still fathom the fact that her aqua name is konica. beat that...

after the show where ppl throng the alley where the aqua lines up to take pics.. they will blow kisses at you and ask you to take with them.. 40 baht!!! good ness.. not all of them are pretty thou..

ok.. activity of first day is SHOOTING! what can i say.. this is my fav sport at the moment and we posed after the shooting for this shot.. everybody shot today.. which cost RM89 for 10 bullets only.. a bloody rip off but what can you expect.. it's phuket wat.. sure very ex la.. but anyhow this is a damn good experience for them and me as well as i have never shot a .45 caliber..

my target of a .45 caliber.. okok la.. not very good.. of course la.. never play 1 year alreayd.. and din have enough sleep since arriving at airport at 5am for a 7am flight.. and i have never shot a .45 caliber before. the recoil is BEH TAHAN... haha..

my 1911 with the remaining 5 bullets.. i shot a video actually of my shooting.. but can't load to youtube.. try later perhaps..

buying the target and the bullets.. comes in a package.. haha

taking aim before firing.. while standing up.. the first 5 shots i shot standing up the 2nd 5 i shot sitting down.. i don't noe my better score is which.

the line of firearms that you can choose.. i was so tempted in shooting a 9mm but i already shot a 9mm.. so i took a 1911... after i have read so many reviews on the 1911, i think it's pretty easy to shoot though.. it's heavier than the glock 19 of course.. but .45 calibers are always heavier..

we were at a temple at the first stop of the day. i dont noe what temple it's called but it's really huge and there were many stray dogs.. rudy was in such hurry to make friends with a stray one and there it is CAUGHT IN ACTION.. haha... but surprising thing is that the dogs weren't infested with fleas.. which is a good thing..

the shooting alley.. shit.. i just wonder why does blogger mess up the sequence of photos? haha..

amy and joyce.. wasted no time in choosing a hat for the trip...

the temple.. just one builidng of many buildings..

i have my old old buddy and brother to thank for this trip.. gerald soh han loong.. damn.. already has a dslr.. when will be my turn? haha..

rudy 'ma lan' face..

at the flight.. me, rudy and keegan

joyce and amy.

chan mian....

2009-09-27T11:01:00.000+08:00

golf

2009-09-21T23:41:00.002+08:00

over this couple of days, i've been playing lots of golf.. in fact just finished playing at kota permai and i can say, boy this course is really a memorable one... you might just wonder why i said that since my home course is saujana, u noe la.. saujana ppl will say that they are still the best in msia.. i don't disagree.. but after laying off for quite a while, and also having played at tropicana golf and country club just 3-4 days back, i would say that kota permai is giving saujana a real fight...

to start off with, a par golf magazine poll once voted kota permai as the most memorable course.. hell yeah! i agree.. i can remember the details of the holes that i played.. i can't remember any tropicana holes to begin with.. all i remembered was the weather on that day when i took on 18 holes at tropicana was FANTASTIC.. other than that my caddie got a while in deciding what club for me to use as i am such a big hitter i overshot greens with her selection of iron choices... yeah.. tropicana uses indo caddies.. and i got a female caddie.. gosh! after about 2-3 holes, she was writing down some notes on my iron shots and then she gave advice on the slopes around the greens.. i would say service is 1st class.. but the course? errrr....... i think after playing at kota permai, i would say kota permai wins hands down..

not that tropicana isn't giving a good fight, but kota permai grass were just wonderful and marshalls were all over the course and at one time i forgot to replace the sand in the divot that i took i kana warning and went back to replace the sand... i mean.. come on la bro... it's just one heck of a divot.. but to my surprise, all the divots taken on the fairway were filled with sand.. and i realised that the drainage system of kota permai is just so good it was dry even after a downpour in the afternoon.. and the fairway is so well maintained.. darn.. today i am just happy playing at kota permai...

anyway tropicana was ok.. besides close to having a heat stroke at the beginning 4 holes, where the sun isn't blocked out by the clouds, the rest of the game were played in very shady conditions.. good relaxing game.. that's the beauty of playing during public holidays and working days.. and i'm just wanting to try a game under the floodlights when playing at night in kota permai.. i haven't played any night golf before and would like to try that out...

i haven't played at saujana too for ages.. so playing at other 4/5 star courses of course brings back remnisence of your own home club.. but much has changed in saujana apparently.. fairways lengthened, greens making faster than before (already fast la, want to make faster, think rollercoaster ar?) and also bunkers which are deep enough to swallow you in.. you see the diff is that i don't mind catching bunkers in tropicana or kota permai, which i visited alot due to inacurate iron play when approaching the greens.. but you can easily pick the bunker shots off kota permai and tropicana.. but wait till you get swallowed in bunkers in saujana.. my record of bunker escape? (a WHOPPING 7 STROKES) just to get out of that silly bunker in the palm course of saujana.. mulligan that hole! haha..

so what's up for the next couple of days plan? my car broke down. haih.. can't start.. hopefully that tmw the service centre is open.. have to service lor the car.. haih.. holiday come and breakdown.. anyway what can i do, i dont decide the car to break down wan ler.. i think this one is quite a big prob liao.. hopefully it can be repaired! haih.. sadness...

BUT BUT BUT.. today hearing the sound of my 6 iron that got onto the green approaching at 175 metres away and hearing that sweet spot sound with the lovely pure contact of iron to the ball leaves my heart melting away.. it's like ecstasy.. man.. i wanna go back and tackle another round of kota permai! haha.. it's just good la.. like seriously no joke good..=)

ok la.. that's all about golf.. i need to sleep early for tmw servicing car.. it's been a long day today... but a rather enjoyable one.. waiting for the next game to begin...=P which i don't noe when thou...

day 2

2009-09-04T21:35:00.002+08:00

haha....

i'm sittin on my bed with my cousin's mini laptop, the ones that dont' have the dvd player wan and just chilling out in my 'hotel room' yeah.. really... my room here looks like a hotel room.. it's super cool at k residence.. ahhaa... and yeah.. blogging...

i just got back from pavillion after dinner.. went to ministry of food at pavillion for some rm 15 ice cream.. crap.. i'm so fat.... but then lets see what i did for the day..

last nite i slept at 3am actually.. after bathing i went back out and watched the us open tennis.. and saw prob one of the best gripping matches of all times.. it was dementieva vs melissa oudin.. man.. dementieva is a 4th seed and oudin is unseeded 17 year old only.. and oudin won playing with an injured thigh.. haih.. i cried watching the match man... cuz at one point, oudin was like choking back her tears because she was injured and stuff, and she was holding serve so she strained her thigh a little and she was holding back her tears, and the crowd was just silent.. but roared to such intensity tthat prob she will remember this match for live..

then sleeping only at 3am, this morning i woke up at 10.30.. had some muffin and a cup of coffee while taking in the morning wind of kl at the 16th floor of k residence.. and yeah.. surprisingly traffic is CLEAR!!! ahaha.. we went to ah yatt restaurant for lunch,.. ate dim sum, some black pepper beef, and clams and abalone.. then it was back to the apartment to chill out.. played call of duty :modern warfare.. ahaha... it's super cool cuz it's like on a 27" dell flat monitor and altec lansing home theater sound system.. even you snipe rite, the sound just richochet across the room.... boy.. i just love it! ahaha...

so went to isetan to do some shopping for grocery.. cooking mee siam for tea and bought some slices of freshly baked honey ham for supper.. darn.. buying food even before the time to eat.. ahaha.. so went back and watched the replay of jankovic and the roddick's match.. then went to 5th floor to use the gym.. and what can i say?

THE GYM IS EFFFINNG SUPERSTAR CLASS..

i started with cardio alrite, and the treadmill is a touch screen! man.. i went to california fitness and i've never seen such a high tech treadmill.. and on the screen is a button to press for fan, meaning the treadmill has a build in fan to blow at your face when you press that button.. how cool! especially when you wanna cool down.. ahha.. and the tv is on the screen where you adjust speed/adjust the gradient... super cool.. and after a good workout of quads and my back muscles, it's the pool time.. where the pool view ends at klcc.. like the pool that ends to the sea kinda view, yeah.. it's something lidat.. ends to the view of klcc... shit.. this is good...

so after a good workout, and then a shower, dinner is rendang chicken, siew yok, a huge chunk of salmon, unagi, brocolli and tofu... this is dinner man for me, cousin, uncle, aunt, and another aunt who dropped by too.. this is humongus dinner.. and now it's 9.50pm and already i'm gonna make my sandwich of honey glazed ham and some lettuce.. ahaha.. this is superb.. food non stop.. hehe..

ok ler... feels wierd still to blog everyday since i haven't been blogging for a year plus.. guess this is my revival of the blog.. ahaha.. but i don't think anyone knows of the revival of my blog still.. ahaha.. but nvm.. it's a good thing to write events out like a diary..

so it's back to call of duty and coffee and ham sandwich..=P this beats o brien's sandwich hands down...=)

1st day at k residence

2009-09-03T20:28:00.002+08:00

yoyo

this is my first day at the k residence where i can literally see klcc by my doorstep.. u noe like just 500m away... ahahaha! this is cool.. and at nite its really cool. it's like majestically lighted up like jewel... man... this is really nice..

so what i had for dinner?

JAPANESE.. nippon tei.. the shop beside sakae sushi rox! man. i had like a salmon tepanyaki set and the soup was good, the rice was good and it was a lovely dinner to finish with an ice cream.. so i'm up to some call of duty now with my cousin and yeah... lets have loads of fun multiplayering tonite...

and also.. the feeling of doing nothing and drinking coffee while taking in the cold after-rain wind while watching ppl walking below at klcc is just

BREATHTAKING!!!

i love k residence.. like seriously...=P

till here then.. tmw is er... fish paste noodles and prob o brien's sandwich to try out tmw.. =)

don't say goodbye

2009-09-02T13:35:00.002+08:00

this was the song that my sis first said was the hit of dbsk.. i'm in love with dbsk actually.. and this is the song that will always be played when i'm in for a ballad.

sadly though that the house is empty when you are not around.. just like when the fights of who gets the bigger part of the chicken or who gets to use the toilet first when we get home.. the idioticity of our fights just amuses our neighbours as well.. and the best part is we fight to see who gets to feed brownie...

omggwtf-to-the-power-of-infinity!!!

now that i have the toilet all to myself, i still use dad's toilet.. he scolded me last nite cuz apparently i make a mess out of his toilet.. that the floors are always stained white (due to the soap and the toothpaste) and there are shaving cream stains on the sink.. come on man don't you noe how to use your own toilet? i'm like ok whatever since coming from someone who is in hurry to go to work...

and then there's always a fish now in our every meal since you hate them so much.. there is no more chicken cuz mum says that chicken sucks... and that i have to eat whatever that's balance from the lunch meal since that you are not at home to usually do the bandaraya cleanup of the fridge balanced food...

aunty saro and aunty lim keeps coming over and giving cakes, food thinking that mum is busy with teaching and no time to cook and making me fat... i'm still waiting for the curry chicken that she cooks when i'm back.. now that i'm back for 2 weeks and still no curry chicken so i wonder actually was the chicken meant for you or for me... wtf...=P

ok la... now that i check the bloody bag its only a dunlop racket inside.. the tecnifibre is gone.. perhaps it's time to get another dunlop... i just wonder how much of junk that you keep in your room that when i entered with mum to pack things up to fly over, the tnt box that we dump ur stuff into is filled with nothing but crap to me... don't be a rubbish collector like mum or it's just in our genes too...

ok sorry for all the rant but man the house is quiet... quiet with just my noise of anti-you-know-who but it's just talking to myself now... dad doesn't entertain my talks and mum is into her own tv shows.. i just end up laughing to myself and talking to myself.. ahaha... anyway, out of boredom i played call of duty the 7th time and i have completed all the levels and even not dying at all at all the stages... speaking of true boredom..

but anyway on the lighter note, you are in WHARTON.. god.. i have to tip my cap for that... and at least u got your elmo and a very big room in morris hall.. not bad for starters...

oh well so what i have been doing? it's just eating, packing to stay at avenue k for a couple of days.. searching for good fares to koh samui/bangkok/china.. this time gerald is coming along too.. so yeah.. if can't go redang, we'll go koh samui... or bangkok... dad says 'who's paying for you?' my reply is the person who is asking it! ahaha..

so well, plans for the next couple of days are shopping at klcc with sharine, and prob eating at chakri's palace which is my fav... and then having loads of chill out time at the pool and hanging out with uncle geh.. and drinking coffee while taking in klcc lights just 500m away from me.. i love K RESIDENCE!

till here then...

see you later.

back alive

2009-08-28T21:20:00.004+08:00

okok.. it's back alive and kicking...

i'm writing this while i'm eating my er... last stick of tobelerone? or how u spell that choc? darn.. fattyness....

i think this is much an awaited post.. ahaha.. perasan nye me.. but then i have to say that my current moment is good and getting better...

so what to start off with after a year plus since i last blogged? simply because that the internet is super duper efficient in googling someone up that once i tried googling my name.. and my blog appears.. so ahem.. i have to becareful what i write cuz it's like super public ah (the noris slang).... ahaha.. okok.. forgive me of my lameness... cuz i just recovered after down with some diarrhoea and a fever.. i got it like super last min on a wed morning and thought was ok until i took this metronidazole tab which the gp gave me (he thinks its giardiasis) i think was a viral diarrhoea/fever.. and he say play safe wor.. mana tau i ate d... then super fever.. like fever until can't play futsal la.. sorry man.. i was actually able to play cuz i was already on smecta and loperamide... don't noe? read bnf.. and downed like er.. 8 cans of 100plus with 5 sachets of ORS.. i'm back in track.. then mana tau allergic to metro... can u believe it? i sensed something was not quite rite cuz after makan metro i kena the fever.. after 2nd tab i was like shit.. this is not what i should feel.. then i say no more metro and just ors with loads of 100plus.. i think i can get diabetes... or if my dad owns F&N he would be proud of making me a spokesperson...

ok... i'm back on track on a fri nite.. just came back from badminton.. and played my heart out... this is damn good man.. get to sweat it out like super alot.. which was good.. meaning it was a good workout... then it's off to seeing my sis off on a sun nite... which comes to the conclusion of IRONY...

bear with me fellas.. it's been a year without blogging so i do have a little to elaborate..

when i was in F6, i wanted to do business, econs.. bla bla.. med was like the BOTTOM of the list.. and ironically i wanted to go to wharton.. noe why? cuz Charles Prince was the CEO of citigroup.. ok ok.. sorry that he is out of favour now. but back then.. he was like the greatest guy.. and yeah.. he was my idol.. sorry to say that but cuz i read alot of fortune magazines back then.. and fortune writes about american banking and econs stuff so i kinda looked forward to go to wharton.. he endorsed wharton.. heck trump was from wharton.. what more can u want?

somehow it's reversed.. my sis is going to wharton!!! gosh.. man... to an ivy... u noe what? after so long of bickering at home.. i think u deserved it.. no matter what i said that u kinda sneaked ur way in.. ok la. u won on a fair fight... ahhaa..

ok and lets see what's on the plans for the week... looks like only after merdeka can i renew my passport.. think i may wanna go like bali or koh samui.. and darn my housemate CHANG HON KEONG!!!! i can scream his name until the rain falls cuz he said that he is going to go to bangkok with me but then he went with his cousin.. aduh! ok la.. go there prob with mum i think.. and yeah... we will be going to ipoh to bunk at CHK place.. so it's a road trip coming up soon...

and yeah... i will be blogging now for some time until when i have no time.. but i have nothign much to blog also unless i blog about whether i'm on my throne or not.. ahaha... just like twitter...

anyway i just love the i touch.. darn... my sister is one lucky fella... my laptop is dying thou.. i think it's time for a new laptop.. keeps dying on me whenever i stream movies to watch.. I WANT A NEW LAPTOP!!!! DADDY CAN YOU HEAR ME????????????????????? rofl lol omg to the power of infinity!

till here then folks..

p/s: my latest movie i'm watching? JAWS! darn good movie.. and next on the line is ET.. when i make money perhaps i should pay spielberg a visit.. hehe. that's if i'm invited of course..=P

2008-04-08T21:29:00.002+08:00

'he's a useless chap. good for nothing'

htin aung said this to me when i we had a tutor tutee meeting when i was in sem 2.

until today, i finally know that it's not just the grades or thinking that i know everything is good enough. perhaps there's a chinese saying that goes 'eat salt more than i eat rice' which does hold some truth.

it's so true his words. at that time i was really angry with him because he said to me in front of other juniors who were having csu that time and it was so horrible i didn't know how to react.

but now, i'm humbled by his words of wisdom. because simply, i have none. i'm raw, naive and an ego maniac who in actual fact doesn't know much. i do not have the perseverance to keep on studying, i have failed his expectations.

if it wasn't for him, i think i'd already dropped out of imu. honest. he's not in the dark on his tutee's activities, knowing fully well who does what and the grades that we get. honestly, he's the father of us all in imu.

i've regretted not able to listen to him earlier, not able to learn that there are so many things that i do not know and to pay heed to his advice. now staring at the whole pile of notes that i'm bound to finish, it seemed impossible to complete everything and do well. but dr, it's you that motivated me to continue our fight and never to give up in chasing knowledge like how you've done before.

yeah. looking back, i'm a worthless chap. i really am. thank you for pointing that out to me for i know where to work on now. i work hard not to be better than others but to be the best out of myself. thank you for pulling me back whenever i was astray.

2008-03-31T23:46:00.005+08:00

it's 11.50pm now and i have to wake up tmw at 8am to go to skool.. exam's this fri and heck, i just can't go to bed... i just can't close my eyes and take a wink.. hell is that i don't sleep now, tmw after a meal i'm just gonna crash and doze off like usual..

i haven't been blogging awhile and i thought an update would be good..=)

first things first, happy bday angelene teo ling zhi... 生日快乐玲智!! turned 21 redi... it's a big day i know and i hope u had great fun on this day.. btw u still owe me lotsa pics.. ahaha...

second thing is that i applaud the fact that the opposition running the selangor government has so far done a good job. the flood lights that illuminate the park right in front of my hse is working and that the selangor govt has approved that the first 20 cu m of water be given free. which means this levy is bound to help many middle income house hold. though u might think it's just 20 cu m but it means alot due to the increase in development of residential houses.

when abdullah stepped into the PM post, he was given a 100 day grace period to get things going. his promises and his machinery in the running of the government was supposedly tailored to bring corruption and money laundering into the light failed miserably. now, since the opposition has taken office, i strongly believe that they should be given this grace period to set the mechanism right, especially the selangor government has never been run before by an opposition party. this is a major step in the vast and ever changing political scenario that is about to enfold.

umno is fighting a war within. we've seen the perlis MB and terengganu MB being selected based on the choice of the sultan. now, we must always remember that the perlis sultan was our previous agong and the terengganu sultan is now our agong. certainly BN must have stepped on the royalty's toes for them to go against the candidate that was chosen by the PM. never in history that such a commotion of choice of candidacy for MB is being played to the public. i remembered during the days of mahathir, he ruled with an iron fist and those who stood by his path had their political career put into oblivion. the power of the sultan and agong was challenged upon by mahathir himself and i believe, the sultans now due to the turn of the tide have realised it's now or never to exercise their rights again. this is a signal to the ruling coalition on what powers that are left of the sultans (which was taken away) that can influence the lineup of the state ruling.

however i must say that the sultans have somehow stood by their rights and appointed the MP of their choice and went against the PM's decision. for more than a week, it was claimed that idris and ahmad both were the MP. in law, ahmad said is the rightful MB because he was sworned in by the agong. idris jusoh however had 22 exco backing him and pledged not to work with ahmad said.

for once in the malaysian political scene, rapid waves of change is seen here. both are from the BN and the BN is fighting a major war within themselves. this war actually is from the UMNO-putera members specifically. and the fear of losing important ties in major GLC makes alot of the politician edgy, for once they weren't in power, many bureaucracy would render their application of contracts difficult.

after much drama enfolded, ahmad said finally is said to be backed fully by abdullah badawi and that he quashed all qualms on his stability of his PM seat which was rumoured to be eyed upon by a few top notch politicians. and recently the muhyiddin idea of abolishing the quota system in the next upcoming UMNO general election has created another stir among the politicians who are hardcore AAB and those against him. this notion was shot down instantly by Muhd Taib saying that the system was still applicable and had no necessity to be abolished.

najib however took a middle stance and said that the final decision is to be made by the UMNO supreme council. he stressed that his personal views are irrelevant at this point of time.

the tussle for the top leadership post is obvious and it doesn't take a layman or even a secondary school going student to understand that the UMNO is in dire straits for a change within. we must also bear in mind that the revival of Anwar's political career is coming soon(his suspension from active politics ends on april) and many has said that his wife, azizah will pave way for him to launch a political comeback barring all unforseen circumstances. a by election will take place and it will not be long before anwar is back in the parliment.

this is a new era of politics. the mainstream media should pay heed to this and report more transparently on the ongoing issues. in order for them to be in this business, news must be precise and of no sense of biasness. they have learned that now the internet knows no bounds. we are able to think rationally and not to follow blindly.

in every field, be it in economics, financing or even in the medical field, a breakthrough or a major change is inevitable in every 30-40 years. this happens when the cycle is completed and the wheels are now already in motion. lets just see our voice of PKR-DAP-PAS prove their mettle in the successful ruling in 5 states. our eyes are on them now. and if they deliver, we will expecting a continuation of this change in many more elections to come.

it's 12.28. and it's time to go to bed.

yadav-csu-joe pereira-zuhrah beevi

it's a lethal combination. dying for a shot of valium/phenobarbitone..... the list continues...

oh and yes... i've been itching for so long to do some shooting.. and yeah.. something random...

i love GLOCK 19!!!!! i love 9x19mm luger parabellum. the bullet doesn't have the large size of an .45 ACP which eats up space in the mag therefore fitting as much as 15 rounds per mag, on stock recoil, if you keep ur hands 'choked down' and have a firm hold, this gun shoots magnificently. and the design is just so simple, (the frame, the recoil spring, and the barrel) that's all that's needed to be taken out on a brief strip down of this gun... unlike other guns, the glock doesn't have unnecessary parts that makes cleaning difficult. and yeah.. i wished they had warmups for our interossei and lumbrical muscles and of flexor carpi radialis and ulnaris. my wrist and hand hurts after shooting.. crap must be the grip...

the GLOCK 19.. it's the best. smooth, sleek, hassle free and once loaded, it goes off wonderously smooth.

hail my sleep and hail glock.. i'm just going to stone in csu tmw...=P

The Aftermath

2008-03-09T17:56:00.000+08:00

I stayed up till nearly 4 am to catch a little of what hope to see our PM, AAB to give a speech on the aftermath of the elections. I too was hoping to catch the parlimentary seat vote count for the Selangor state especially for the Kelana Jaya seat.

However as things unfold, though at that time, there were no news of our beloved Datuk Lee Hwa Beng, i called it a night. I knew that more bad news were to come, for political giants have fell ungracefully in the very own system that brought them up. The People's Voice.

Penang to start of with was the first state that I had my eyes on. This state which i thought had a little advantage of influence of our PM at Kepala Batas would have a very strong fight. I silently knew that because of the economic background of the people of Penang, BN might lose the state and the opposition, with some luck, would be able to eek out a 2/3 majority. Nevertheless, i was never expecting what the result would turn out to be. Penang was a white wash. With much abuzz of Koh Tsu Koon going up to contest a parlimentary seat and with the fight among the Gerakan leaders on who to succeed the CM post in Penang, I thought the people of Penang would at least give some face to Gerakan. I really didn't expect such humiliating defeat in Penang. Gerakan are left with nothing in a state where there were a force to reckon with.

Next was Terengganu. I honestly thought that Terengganu would be back into the hands of PAS, knowing how well they wrestled it during the 1999 elections. Kelantan obviously the stronghold of PAS and BN with Khairy shouting 'PADE DOH' in Kelate during the press conference certainly did nothing but to unite the wills of the Kelantan people further to prevent the change of BN to take Kelantan.

But as the results came rolling in, states like Kedah, Perak soon fell. Perak which houses power horses like Lim Kit Siang of Ipoh Timor certainly put the opposition in the driving seat by winning of such a huge majority. Soon Ipoh Barat also went to the DAP and Taiping which was spear headed by Kayveas also fell to Nga of DAP.

All was not that bad to swallow till the arrival of the news of Samy Vellu losing his Sg Siput. This incumbent here is the strongest I personally felt to retain his seat. What his lost actually mean? How come he's being betrayed by his own people whom he claimed were behind him to the very end. I remembered during a press conference he gave to The Star which he bravely commented come what forces or an army he shall defeat it. The lost of all the top leaders of MIC, Samy, Sothinathan, his youth chief and the MIC wanita chief also were booted out. MIC is in crisis. And so is Gerakan.

MCA in this case still had a little salvo compared to MIC or Gerakan. Ong Ka Ting survived a scare which initially was thought had lost his seat as well. And surviving this election was also Ong Ka Chuan. However many deputy ministers and were shown the exit and even Datin Paduka Chew Mei Fun as well as Donald Lim were thrown out. Never I had expected Tony Pua to have unseeded Chew Mei Fun by a whopping 19k votes.

The best one came from Teresa Kok who garnered 36k votes more than her opponent, a rookie, Carol Chew. Teresa Kok, who was attacked by comic strips of her hanging in the very streets of Sri Petaling showed that BN, who used banners depicting images that degrade her as a women, that the people were offended by the disturbing supposedly hilarious comic. What irked the people was she was contesting with another women who did not make any noise as these degrading comics were put up.

Which now leads to the womens minister Sharizat losing her seat to Nurul Izzah, Anwar's daughter. At approximately 12am, there were reports on 14 uncounted ballot boxes in Lembah Pantai and this threw in speculations of BN wanting to win and cheated on these ballot boxes. However the results still were the same and Nurul Izzah won the Lembah Pantai seat.

Coming on to my very own KJ seat which saw our Lee Hwa Beng against the VK Lingam video shooter Loh Gwo Burne. Tables were turned and saw Loh overthrowing Lee with about 5k votes. I would have thought Loh shall lose. I thought Loh WILL lose. But the people made a radical change in their minds, especially the Subang Jaya people who stood by Lee during his tenure in the state government. When i got this news, i realised that things have certainly got out of hand. A radical political change has taken place. The old replaced by the new.

Now, with BN denied the 2/3 majority, and with states like Selangor, which never has been in history ruled by an opposition party, still proceed on with development as promised? Will projects be continued? Will an LRT line be built through the housing estates of Subang Jaya? Will the MPSJ now be watch closely as ever by the DAP? Even though the DAP won 15 state seat as opposed to Keadilan 11, Keadilan sec-gen Khalid will be our Menteri Besar and DAP's Teng Chang Khim will be the deputy MB. It has been agreed upon that should the opposition take Penang, it will be DAP that will be elected as the CM of Penang. And so Keadilan was given the position as the MB of Selangor.

This day is a day of political reformation. MIC's party has turned to shambles. With Mahathir and Ling Liong Sik retiring gracefully from the scene, (not much of Mahathir but more to Ling Liong Sik) Samy Vellu's lost was a way of him quitting politics in an unorthodox fashion of disgracefulness. Never in his life he would have thought of this day. Never in his life he would see his top guns fell one by one in the hands of the Indian voters, the very people that brought him up at the first place. His time is long overdue. And certainly HINDRAF issues were now shown out bright that the Indians are a marginalised lot.

What holds for MCA and Gerakan? Gerakan acting president Koh Tsu Koon is expected not to continue his political involvement in Gerakan. Which leaves the president post suddenly vacant. Will internal power struggles for Gerakan doom it's fate? Or will Koh remain steadfast and stay on and plod on in Gerakan to do major corrections for the next elections in another 5 years?

This results here today showed the world that the BN indeed has always done things unchecked, and we have set down our ultimatum. We are fed up with the empty promises that were given on manifestos before the 2004 elections which were undelivered till today. Corruption is rampant and has to be stopped. Progress must be made in order to restore the image of the ruling coalition.

I personally feel that MCA and Gerakan were the victim of the atrocities of UMNO. UMNO is already paralysed. A vote for MCA or Gerakan or MIC is a vote for UMNO. A vote for UMNO will only let them continue their legacy of corruption that plagued our nation for ages. This is a strong message to the PM that every action that he takes now, will be scrutinised to the very core. Contracts will be tendered openly. Khairy overzealousness in entering the political scene and racist remarks certainly made BN pay dearly for the innocent leaders of coalition parties. Controversial sale of ECM Libra and his appointment in several major posts have shown that he is abusing his position as the son-in-law of the PM for personal gains. His rise into politics is nothing but short cut due to his position as a relative of the ruling government. He was from a nobody to a somebody in just a matter of 3 years. Though his participation in politics were angered by some UMNO politicians, they have decided to be mum on the issue for they themselves know there's a pool of money to be made. This is the reason for the downfall of other innocent hardworking politicians.

MCA, Gerakan and MIC were dragged into the net by UMNO. The BN is shakened up. The people have spoken out loud. Change is what is needed. The people now voted not for the leaders of respective constituency but voted against the government because of pent up anger and frustrations that were too much to be handled. Even though in my opinion, Chew Mei Fun and Lee Hwa Beng or even Donald Lim had indeed kept a clean record, the people has put a cross on the opposition because they were sickened by actions not of MCA nor Gerakan nor MIC but of UMNO. Due to the coalition, when a puncture is done on the boat, the boat sinks and along with it, and so does the parties that make up BN.

People now do not believe much in the mainstream media. The young have uses the internet which now bloggers become the political watch dog of the government. The newspapers and the radio now airs news that much has been cast doubt upon. The mainstream media now isn't the main source of information but of the internet. However, I would say that only certain not all information should be believed in blindly. One should always use their faculty of thinking to process every information and not to be followed without reasoning.

A lot of tears were shed. And those were neither tears of joy of rookies that made the lines of the opposition. But tears of supporters of incumbents who felt that because they were in the BN coalition, their position is compromised due to the hatred and frustrations to the government. Now however lies this BILLION DOLLAR QUESTION.

Will the opposition now deliver? On states like Selangor and Kedah who were never ruled by opposition on a whole, will the opposition continue development? Would now scholarships or entry into the local universities for tough courses like medicine or dentistry be given more based on meritocracy? Must well deserving students go to Micheal Chong with result slips be shown to the public in The Star because being denied a scholarship by JPA or denied a place in the local universities? Or the more important question is the GOOD GOVERNANCE of the town councillors e.g MPSJ, MPAJ etc.... Will progress be continued as promised by the BN since the BN is still in power although with reduced majority?

These are questions that will be answered in phases over the next 5 years. We have voted and we have voted for change. Should things not go our way, we should blame ourselves because we have chosen and decisions were made. Let us now look for a change for the better. Let us now make our voices heard in the government. This is what we are looking for. Ministers who do things unchecked and hoping to be kept in silence will now think twice before doing so. More and more scrutiny and transparency will be called upon.

Waves of changes now hit our shores. Let us now embrace this change, for this change is what we have voted for. It is not a time to celebrate on the streets for we voted against the government not because of lack of development but more to the misappropriate usage of funds and for a better transparency at every level of the government. In the end, it's our money that we care for and not should not be used simply.

I here now look to the future. The old replaced by the young. It's the change of an era of governance. That's what we need. The young (21-25 yrs old) which comprises of nearly 30% now of the population should be aware of changes that are to come. We unite for a better Malaysia. For a fair Malaysia. For an equal Malaysia.

Malaysia Boleh!

DECISIONS

2008-03-08T12:07:00.008+08:00

i have never expected to blog about this. neither that i will be so fired up upon to bring myself to write this. but times now have changed so much that to a certain extent, we young voters should now come out and make our stand and exercise our rights in doing what's best for us and for our country.

it's not that the ruling coalition is bad. it's not that subang jaya roads are filled with pot holes and abandoned projects. i applaud YAB datuk lee hwa beng for having put his toils and sweat into making us subang jaya the subang we now live in.

however ruling party isn't only 1 ruling party. it's a coalition. i love the party that brings progress. but, the picture has to be seen in on a whole. things have got out of hand. for example, zakaria built his house like a mansion that dwarfs even the very own house of the beloved datuk lee hwa beng. how such a plan of renovation able to take place? has he used his powers to approve the very own renovation plan of his house?

people like in subang who lives like me in a double story terrace house of 24x70. we can't renovate to the maximum length of 70 feet. we have to leave a space of about a foot because it is claimed to be the govt land. land office will never approve that kind of renovation. if found upon u pay a fine. and my neighbours did. they find fault with us. what about zakaria? a slap in his own wallet (which of course we all know where his money comes from) and get away just like that? this is the abuse of power and money and the ranks that's happening now in the corridor of power that the ruling coalition has to tackle in this elections.

SAYA MENYEBELAHI PARTI SAYA. BILA SAYA KATA SAYA MENYEBELAHI PARTI SAYA TIDAK BERMAKNA SAYA MENYEBELAHI PEMIMPIN PARTI.

Umno has become completely paralysed. It cannot do anything (to correct itself)

the point is that if we vote and BN wins, we give the impression that the LEADER of the ruling coalition is much favoured upon. is this what we want? is this what you want? no matter how much you love the leader of your choice (in your state seat or parlimentary seat), because he's in the same boat, the coalition boat sinks and he has to go with it. “It is for certain that in the coming general election, a lot of money would be spent in vote buying... if the ruling parties do this, we would be governed by a government that is outrightly involved in corruption”- Dr M during his perdana leadership foundation.

“For RM200, people are willing to sell their votes. They are not just selling their votes. Dia jual maaruahnya (he is selling his dignity).”

saya ini bukan bloggers yang guna perkataan yang kesat. saya tak maki hamun kerajaan. saya dengan sesungguhnya meluahkan perasaan yang terpendam dalam hati saya. yang benar yang saya perkatakan. bukannya cakap sebarangan.

i wish not to make the bloggers become a targeted lot to be the fighting point of the government to brainwash the citizens not to listen to us. therefore i leave no harsh words nor foul languages because i do not wish to have the intention that we bloggers are of no class or education that we have to resort to using these words to air our grouse against the government.

we cannot deny now that money politics have been going around. securing votes especially on 'hot' seats where chances of winning is more or less a 50-50 fight. and when why the other political members who recognise the rot that has been going on did nothing, they said, 'kita pun keluar cari makan. kita sama sama cari makan. tak sokong nanti takde kontrak'.

that's the truth. that's the political situation that we are now facing. not that it can be rectified with a vote. we have to UNITE! unite we stand or divide and we shall fall. divide and no change will be done. it's your choice! must we put up with ministers speaking broken languages on al-jazeera when interviewed on the recent BERSIH rally? our menteri penerangan who made us look bad in the eyes of the world by voting a person whose english is so broken and can't even speak properly. do you want such a leader to reflect our nation? or a minister who sleeps in meetings?

today is the day my friends. exercise your rights. your stand. your future. vote wisely. vote for WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. VOTE WITH YOUR HEART AND REASONING.

the campaigning roofs of BN
dad walking across.
checking of polling stations
the keadilan tents. and the polling station itself. which is guarded by police and no handphones and pictures are allowed to be taken inside the room.

Deal or No Deal...

2008-03-02T21:59:00.009+08:00

ah...

well well well.. suppose to blog about the penang/ipoh trip but then.. i've got something more exciting to blog about before the school starts again... and zhang ling zhi, i want the pics in ur camera from the trip!!

btw, penang trip was awesome... besides the fact that it isn't easy to go about with a map and no thanks to the one way streets in penang, sometimes to get to one place need to take one big round to do so...

anyway...

today i did one of the most random thing in my life... i went for the 'Deal or No Deal' audition that was held in 1U at the new wing... btw, i missed last week's audition at IKANO cuz was involved in our IMU open day so this week Non called me to go... and it's a great exposure to go on stage in front of the ntv7 camera shooting me and they asking me questions for about 10 mins.. like what i do, why i'm suppose to be chosen on the show... bla bla... ahaha..

the audition supposed to start at 1pm but then ppl were already there registering as early as 11am! i slambe oni go and reach about 12.30 lidat.. by that time i was already no 46... sien...

i went cuz Non, who is the show's host plays squash with us every mon nite... asked our squash kaki to go for audition, cuz thinking we might have the chance in the running to win that RM100k... so i just go lor.. but then it's my first time on a tv camera... so i was a bit nervous and i'm the only guy who's still studying.. the rest are mostly uncle and aunty or working redi...

and mind u, looks as easy as it seems but when u on stage and with so many onlookers from the 1U shopping complex, u just sweat ur balls out cuz it's kinda nerve wrecking a little... ahaha... i just stood there and be myself.. i actually din noe what to say so i just said everything that came to my mind.. like what if i won that 100k? i said i will give 20-30% to the kampung angkat scheme from IMU.. and the balance to do post grad studies.. come to think of it i'm like WHAT THE.... i din believe i act said it.. hahaa...

after the audition ate at dave's deli.. i din have any bfast till the auditino was over which was about 2pm.. i wasn't hungry till then.. but after that i was kinda super duper hungry and i had a steak and later 3 pcs of sushi and 2 crab sticks from jusco.. ahaha..

by 5.30 we're already home for dinner...

waiting to be interviewed.. i'm contestant 2046...
can u describe urself and why must we put u on the show? to increase rating???
i chilling giler.. u see that guy at the right wearing a suit? that's Non! and seeing my face on the screen in front of the interviewer like make me bangga giler babi... first time... ahaha...the pie that xan ordered.. too bad i din take my steak pic.. was too hungry and forgot about taking pics.. ahaha...

the real toils and struggles of life

2008-02-17T23:10:00.004+08:00

Dear all,

i'm not a politician. i'm not on whose side whatsoever but i'm one who believes in this story that was written by raja petra himself. this is the toils and struggles that even my grandfather 'suffered' thru in sending my dad and my uncles to school.

i wasn't born during the prewar/pre1956-1969 period and neither have most of u my friends. i'm writing this because this anecdotes and personal experience brings back memories of stories that my own dad and mum shared with me when they were young. as chinese in malaysia where we were none other than '2nd class citizens' and with no privileges. we had to borrow money now and then just to put food on the table and i have to say that for the chinese malaysian during the post war period the times were hard and many things have been put to test.

what makes me want to share this story which u can read on your own on RPK's blog is that the similarity of RPK back then with all his connections didn't make him to take the easy way out. and with the implimentation of the ali baba system in the business foray of late due to the 'uneven balance' of the NEP the chinese/indians were found the going tough in the business line.

the ali baba system of business requires a bumiputera to sit on the board of directors in order to bring them out of their 'ulu' kampung in order for them to survive in the dog-eat-dog world. however this plan has a major misfiring. if the chinese were being pressed to include a bumiputera into the business for the sake of helping them don't ever think the chinese will ever teach them the tricks of the trade. it all has to begin with the bottom rung where they have to learn from scratch. put one bumiputera into the business and let them be a sleeping partner, give them a yearly cheque of 50-60k after summation of director's bonuses, they will know nothing of the trade even though the company is growing by leaps and bounds. and these lazy buggers are more than happy just to slot in their names and let the hard work being done by others.

i mean... who wouldn't want a free cheque every year? i would. just fill in your name, and sometimes turn up for directors meeting where u can doze of just like our beloved PM and drink some coffee, shake some hands and the cheque is yours to collect.

and what makes me respect RPK is that he wasn't one of those who cut some slack and took the easy way out. he could have done so but his father knew what was the RIGHTOUS thing to do. RPK started from the bottom up. so did Tan Sri Syed Mokhtar Albukhairy himself. Tan Sri Syed Mokhtar Albukhairy was once a rice peddler who stuck to a chinese businessman and worked his way thru the business studying every trade and business deals. he wasn't born with a silver spoon and at one point in his life he had to tend to his father's cows. and we have this quality in RPK himself as well.

and now take a look at the negeri sembilan royal family whose business trade amass milions and millions of ringgit. one good example of their business is the KJCF the kian joo canning factory.

the reason i brought this up is that because even though ppl of power like RPK himself wasn't lured into the easy way out of having to get 'bantuan' from the government. or getting contracts easily without much fight which was meant to be a healthy competition due get the best ideas working. so we don't need to have ppl who cut corners and make a bridge fall even though we haven't stated using it yet or an abandoned office block which is going to be occupied, can sink into the lake.

losses are great. and worst the losses are from our tax payers money. who is to blame? poor governance? or just pure corruption practices?

here now i shall copy and paste the story of RPK here for u all to read:

Raja Petra Kamarudin

Malaya gained independence or Merdeka from Britain in 1957. But the British Colonial masters would not willingly grant Malaya independence. It took a decade of haggling before the Union Jack could be lowered and the new Malayan flag that almost looks like the flag of the United States of America could be raised in its place.

One of the issues that delayed the granting of Merdeka was the matter of what to do with the Indians and Chinese once Malaya becomes independent. India had already gained independence from Britain earlier and China had turned Communist. No doubt the British had brought the Indians and Chinese to this country from the mid-1800s to about 1920 to work the tin mines and rubber estates, but there was no way they could be sent back to their 'homeland', in particular the children of the original immigrants who had been born in Malaya.

The British refused to consider Merdeka for Malaya until and unless the Malays, Indians and Chinese sat down and worked out a solution. Merdeka would be granted only when the three races come to an agreement on what to do with the 'immigrants' who after about 100 years were not only third or fourth generation 'Malayans' but had in fact become more Malays than the Malays -- at least some of them like the Mamaks and Babas who no longer spoke their mother-tongue but spoke better Malay than some Malays.

The British knew that a hurried Merdeka without resolving the citizenship issue would just result in a blood-bath when one race, in this case the Malays, would claim sole-ownership of the country and the 'pendatang' get evicted from their land and homes. The religious diversity would also pose a problem as the aftermath of the independence of India had proven when brother fought against brother just because of religious differences. What more when it involves a diverse set of races who were also of different religions.

Finally, wisdom and common sense prevailed and the founding fathers of the nation called Malaya came to an agreement, or maybe a compromise, on what would happen on Merdeka Day. The Indians and Chinese would be granted citizenship, unless they chose to return to their homeland, but the Malays, for 'sacrificing' their 90% or so majority, would be accorded certain rights and special privileges, to be reviewed after 15 years, meaning some time in 1972.

But something happened before 1972, and that was the race riots of May 1969, and to address the discontentment of the Malays who felt they had been left out of the economic race, the New Economic Policy was agreed upon by the leaders of the three component members of the Alliance Party -- Umno, MCA and MIC. Invariably, the rights and special privileges of the Malays were not reviewed in 1972 as originally intended. Instead, the NEP became the new policy which in a way 'strengthened' the rights and special privileges of the Malays even more. But this was supposed to end in 1990 -- which meant that the 15-year review would be reviewed after 33 years instead.

But the NEP was more than just about Malay rights and special privileges. It was a two-prong attack (serampang dua mata) aimed at reducing the disparity amongst ALL the races as well as to reduce the gap between the haves and the have-nots. In other words, the NEP was about helping all the poor and unfortunate, regardless of race. And that was when the term 'Bumiputera' came into being. But Murphy's Law says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong and the Bumiputera issue was exploited to become an Umnoputra policy. And Umnoputra did not just mean Malays but anyone who serves Umno -- Indians, Chinese, Kadazans, Dayaks, etc., included. In fact, as far as the corporate world was concerned, the non-Malays benefited more than the Malays who were reduced to mere 'rent-seekers' and commission agents who earned a small fee for fronting for the non-Malays and for selling their permits and quotas, in particular to the Chinese.

The Umnoputras, of course, did not totally lose out in this 'Ali Baba' arrangement as they still had some meat on the bones that were thrown their way. But the Indians, except for a very small handful, did not even get any bones, with or without meat attached to them. But it was the fault of the Indian leaders actually. Why did they not demand their share? Why did they not demand that at least one or two FELDA settlements be allotted to them like what the Malays got? After all, the Indians were the original estate workers so they would know how to grow palm oil, rubber, cocoa, etc. Instead, while the Malays became estate workers with the help of the government, the original Indian estate workers got displaced as estates got turned into townships and golf courses and in the process the Indians not only lost their homes but their livelihood as well.

It is not that the government did not set up funds and place money in these funds to help the 'retired' Indian estate workers. It is more that those 'elite' Indians entrusted with the task or managing these funds embezzled and misused the money. In short, the Indians had cheated their own kind, as did the Malays and, to a certain extent, the Chinese as well.

No doubt, for being relegated to second- and third-class citizens, the Indians and Chinese are carrying grudges against the Malays. But is it really the Malays who are to blame? Okay, maybe Umno can and should be blamed. But Umno is Umno. Umno is not 16 million Malays. It is not even 6 million Malays. MIC and MCA too have misbehaved. Should we hang 10 million Malaysian Indians and Chinese from the tallest tree just because of what MIC and MCA have done? The Indians and Chinese would get upset if we blame them for the sins of MIC and MCA. What makes the Indians and Chinese think the Malays too would not get upset if they are blamed for the sins of Umno?

If you want to find someone to blame for your troubles, don't look in my direction. Sure, I am Malay, but I am not Umno. I never voted for Umno. I never even obtained a government scholarship to send all my kids to England. In fact, my father, who was then the son of the Governor of Penang and cousin to the late Agong, did not have money to send me to England and he refused to get a government scholarship to pay for my education. I mention this fact that he was the son of the Governor of Penang and cousin to the late Agong to demonstrate how easy it would have been for me to get a scholarship since our family was so well-connected.

Some of you reading this article probably know my Auntie, Raja Fuziah. And those of you who know her probably do so because when you went to university she was the one who gave you your MARA scholarship. Could not my father's own sister who had given out scholarships to tens of thousands of total strangers not also give her own nephew a scholarship? No, my father would not allow it. That is dishonest. That is corruption. It would have been better if my father had not been Raja Kamarudin Bin Raja Tun Uda. Then I could have got a scholarship. Instead, my father sent me to Volkswagen to do an apprenticeship on a starting salary of RM105 a month.

At first Pak Arshad would not take me because I was 'over-qualified' and the pay was too little. But my father insisted and Pak Arshad relented. Sure, that was in 1970. But even in 1970 RM105 was pittance. And I slogged it out for three years learning the trade under a Hakka mechanic whose every second word was a four-letter word. And my 'training' involved the first six months in the washing bay where I had to wash the cars before and after they were serviced. That's right, I started my working life as a tukang basuh kereta.

But I did not mind. My father promised that if I passed my apprenticeship exam he would send me to England to do Automobile Engineering. So I studied hard. I was going to get distinction in my AMIMI exam. Automobile Engineering was kacang (peanuts) for me anyway. I was already tuning my own motorcycle and in 1968, at the age of 18, had participated in my first Malaysian Grand Prix. I could soup up an engine without having to even go to school to learn how to do it. I could make my 100cc motorcycle go as fast as a 250cc. I could ride from Kuala Lumpur to Penang in under three hours even before we had the PLUS Highway. Automobile Engineering was not a career. It was a passion, in fact a 'religion' as far as I was concerned. And I took my religion seriously.

Halfway through my final exam my father died of a heart attack. He was only 46. I got distinction, the only one out of more than 100 students who sat for the exam. The 'second best' student got only a 'B'. I brought my results home to show my mother. She looked at it and broke down and cried. I did not know why she cried but I cried as well. Seeing my mother cry makes my cry and barely two months since my father died I suspected that must have been the reason.

But that was not the reason. My mother cried because my father was not able to see my exam results before he died, and he missed it by only a couple of months. “Your father was worried about you,” my mother explained. “He did not want to send you to England because he was scared you would just 'play the fool' and not study. He wanted you to prove that you are serious about your studies before sending you to England. And now you have proved it but he is no longer around to see it.”

Then my mother cried again. “I have no money to send you to England. But you deserve to go and Daddy promised you if you passed your exam he would send you.”

“I don't want to go to England,” I told my mother between sobs. “I want to stay here and look after you.”

I framed my exam results and hung it on my bedroom wall and then went to work for a company at RM250 per month. RM250 a month is not a king's ransom even back in 1973 but that was all I could get. My exam results were of no use unless I wanted to go back to Volkswagen and become a car mechanic. It was supposed to be my 'passport' to England but my father was no longer around and sometimes plans have to change to suit changing situations.

Two of my 'best friends' went to university though. My Indian friend went to Singapore University and my Chinese friend went to England. But I repaired engines at RM250 a month because my father was the son of the Governor of Penang and cousin to the late Agong and he would not allow me to 'abuse' this 'position' by getting a government scholarship.

Yes, in 1957, Malaya gained Merdeka from Britain and the Indians and Chinese were granted citizenship. Then, in 1970, the New Economic Policy was launched and the Indians and Chinese became second- and third-class citizens. But at least as second- and third-class citizens they went to university. I, the 'first-class' citizen, had to start from the bottom and work my way to the top because I hated being at the bottom and longed to get to the top.

I pity the Indians and Chinese who have to accept being second- and third-class citizens and cannot do anything about it. I certainly know what it is like because that was where I started as well. But I have never grumbled about it. I don't blame the Indians and Chinese for how I have 'suffered'. I don't even blame Umno or the Malays. And I would certainly never blame my father for having too much principles; and maybe pride as well. I just drove from Kedah down to Johor and up to Kelantan, with my baby sleeping in the back seat of the car, to sell my engines so that by the age of 40 I can send all my children to England for a university education without having to run to Umno or the government for financial assistance.

FOR THOSE WHO ARE VOTING, PLEASE USE YOUR HEAD WISELY BEFORE YOU CAST YOUR VOTES..

happy valentine's day!!

2008-02-16T10:27:00.009+08:00

Don't noe where to start first... ahaha...

First of all, this is the first time i made something out of jars and bottles... not too much an artist myself, can't do anything artistic but then tot of giving it a try.. and then this is the result of it...

and so after xan's gp posting, we went down to kl for dinner at rest sakura at jalan imbi... we took the 'road not taken' cuz i din noe how to get down to that area other than federal highway which was so uncharacteristically jammed, which then i tot prob cuz it's valentine's day btw... was jammed till midvalley then things started to clear up a bit...

and i got something made by xan which was a key chain by cross stitching... thanks dear... looks very cute.. ehehe....=)

and so we got a nice place at the rest and this girl here can't decide on what's nice to eat which we ended up ordering nasi lemak and chicken maryland...

later we weren't that full and we ordered spaghetti marinara which took so long to come cuz it's practically jammed packed so we cancelled our order and went to '2nd round' at a yong tou foo shop. ahaha...

the food was yummylicious especially the nasi lemak... that's the trademark dish at sakura and practically every table ordered it... and it still is the best dish there... and it was really good..=) just like the pic... ahaha...
great food with great ambiance and great company...

happy valentine's day dear... =)

2008-01-09T21:44:00.000+08:00

我是被你囚禁的鸟
已经忘了天有多高
如果离开你给我的小小城堡
不知还有谁能依靠
我是被你囚禁的鸟
得到的爱越来越少
看着你的笑在别人眼中燃烧
我却要不到一个拥抱
我像是一个你可有可无的影子
冷冷的看着你说谎的样子
这撩乱的城市
容不下我的痴
是什么让你这样迷恋这样的放肆
我像是一个你可有可无的影子
和寂寞交换着悲伤的心事
对爱无计可施
这无味的日子
眼泪是唯一的奢侈
我的眼泪是唯一的奢侈

心里哭的眼泪，谁明白...

大雨的夜裡

2008-01-09T20:34:00.000+08:00

   美麗的故事總有個結局　我的就是失去了你
看著你漸漸走遠的背影　就好像今生已注定
但是我好想告訴你　想告訴你
你就是我最美的遭遇
我想我不會忘記你　就算你　留我在夜裡
就算雨下個不停

在大雨的夜裡　多希望美麗的夢永遠不會醒
雖然明知無法讓你回心轉意
故事總要繼續下去　就算雨下個不停
在大雨的夜裡　還希望美麗的夢永遠不會醒
有誰能讓世間可以回心轉意
故事還能繼續下去　就算雨永遠不會停

ahhhhh....下雨下的不停!!! 想到这手歌.. ahaha.. bbrrrrr....

pre-Hanoi

2007-12-26T10:11:00.000+08:00

just dropping in to post something.. got about 2 hours before i leave my hse to the airport...

I'M HANOI BOUND! WOOOOOOOOOOOO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ok la... what else can i say? excited? u bet... and the best of all.. the great escape from the heat in msia.. ahaha...

i wonder how is it like staying in that junk over halong bay... i wonder whether the food there is great or not... and i wonder whether my iron stomach will cease its function and thus having a diarrhoea... *CHOI*!!!!

touch wood that one don't come true...

*i'm leaving on a jet plane, don't noe when i'll be back again*......................................................

till here then folks... merry xmas and a happy new year!!!!!

hugs to all...=)

p/s: to those who hasn't bought a suit for prom, wedding dinner to come, or just for fun want to pakai pakai or keep as spare, G2000 suits are seriously worth a look... it's a little on the high side but it's nice and really can keep for a long time... fashion wise rox!!!

see ya folks!

Christmas

2007-12-23T15:43:00.000+08:00

hey folks...

been a long time since i blogged... hell.. i act give the excuse no time but in fact sometimes i'm so free that i don't noe what to do i FORGOT.. yeah forget to blog about what's going on... i don't noe how some ppl can reli blog but now i seem to have that blog drive quite subdued in me... no intention in blogging long but nevertheless being known to be a long story teller i tend to blog hell long of a blog even though i've tried my best to cut down on my blogging tales...

first of all it dawned upon me that i haven't been bloggin since my bday account and that so many things have happened... well, we started electives, i went to perak for my last tournament of the year and surprisingly it turned out better than expected, and finally the long anticipated trip to hanoi is now taking place...

it's roughly 60 hours before i hop into my plane to go to hanoi which i checked the weather forecast in the night the temp can go as low as 3-4 degrees minus the wind chills... crap! i have to find a good solid jacket and better stock up on my fats! ahaha.. more nasi lemak and roti canai before going! ahaha...

and sometimes unexpected things happen... good things act.. about the perak open rite, i din expect to win anything cuz i hardly have practice and i was debating with myself to go or not.. cuz i will be packing and then unpacking and then packing again to go to hanoi which now i didn't regret cuz it's prob the best squash outing for the past 3 years... i mean, i have to say it was pretty unexpected win, with wins over 2 navy and 1 guy from sukan teras... esp my 1st round, for the fact that i took the bus at 1.30 and reach at about 4.30 my game started at 4.45! i hardly have enuf time to warm up and then sumore navy, fuh! i reli tot i kena tapau la...

but i remembered to pray before i played! and voila! i won.. surprise 3-0 win... i din expect reli.. cuz pj open 06 i lost damn bad to a navy guy and had thoughts of hanging up my racket... but then things like these come unexpectedly... and to win the final of the special plate by winning another navy just made my day la.. rest is history...=)

and also thank you to andrew and sharmaine for taking us out... damn.. ipoh food is so friggin nice!!! the chicken rice and hor fun... u can't imagine how much i ate man!!! i love ipoh! and to mickey who if by any chance stumble upon my blog... hehehehee..... i noe what u bought la!!!! that 'prawn' thing is no more mute! ahaha...

and we went hunting at nite for food and andrew then took us to go aqua den! fuh... squash players finding aqua man! and worst u noe what??? i saw this digi kembara(cuz it's painted bright yellow and with the I WILL FOLLOW YOU sign) with a selangor no plate enquiring for services! ironically, 'i will follow you'- ahaha.. follow go find aqua la! i'm like shitto! then when the aqua approach our car we sped off! ahaha.. red lite district in ipoh and it's just oni a stone throw away from ipoh's mayor house! i mean dewan bandaraya chief's house is so near and got aqua sumore! fuh... very d 'cool' la!

but then luggage back home was damn terrible.. i didn't exercise enuf discipline to wash my clothes after thurs and then by the time i got home (sun evening) fuh... imagine that aroma of my clothes la.. i had to wash myself cuz mum and sis was in spore and dad was away, and i had to brave my own damn smelly sweat to put in the washing machine... reli i tip my hat on the inventors of washing machine.. u made my day! ahaha...

but to think of the fact that i din study while away playing (thurs to sun) and skipping achike and rohini lectures, i feel damn guilty and with xmas on it's way and a holiday 5 days away from home, damn i can't study... shit!!!! i've never been lidat before... slack big time now...=(

well well well.. now that xmas is here i went shopping!!! yest went shopping with parents and sis.. well, shop from 12pm till 10pm and oni had dinner when we got back home at 10.30! went to 1U and i bought 3 shirts, slacks, a tie and a suit from g2000! it's dad's 'present' kononnya for passing eos 3... i mean like haih.... i still need it anyway... but nvm... cuz the suit is damn ex... so thanks ya dad... ehehe... i went from parkson to durban to pierre balmain to g2000 then finally think that g2000 was the best... so i settled with g2000... ahaha... reli they make nice suits..=)

ah man... sumore i wanted that dunlop m-fil pro squash racket... shit... i think this xmas i reli overspent kau kau...=(

well, now come to think of it rite,i haven't packed anything for hanoi yet... and i'm leaving in 3 days time... it's friggin cold there at nite sumore and i've oni a limit of 1 suitcase and 1 backpack. should be enuf kua... just bring lotsa underwear to keep my balls from freezing, 1 extra jeans and prob 5-6 dry fit shirt so i can wash and wear again.. ahaha.. the rest of the luggage space is left for SHOPPING!!!!! i wonder what i can buy sumore ar???? vietnam dolls??? ahhaa.. okok lame...

i would love a racket for my xmas present.. ahaha.. to those who got lotsa money and nothing to do, can alwiz donate me a dunlop m-fil pro racket!!! ahaha... been hunting high and low for one... but no $$$...

p/s: btw, supernaturals is damn good... i love it... dad bought season 2 and i'm hooked to it... shit.. i should be studying.. pls knock my head sumbody!!! help!!!!!

here are some pics that i took when was in ipoh...=) it's mostly food! ahaha... too bad i din had the guts to take that aqua pic... if i did then i think i won't even survive the car trip back to the hotel! ahaha...

curry mee with fu chok and pig skin.. this rox man!

the claypot rice where they cook with real charcoal... not by gas.. so it took like 30 mins to arrive..
nyonya kuih... u noe, i'm not a fan of this kuih but it was thriving with ppl and stupid if i din try which turned out i'm not stupid cuz i tried! ahaha.. if my mum was there, i think die la.. she buy the whole store...

the nyonya kuih lady...

boredom in the room.... resting before the evening match...

yay! inside hamper is 1 pack of TOP washing powder, 1 bar of lux soap and 1 bottle of shampoo! ahaha... later i got other wilson stuff like a squash ball, a towel and a pencil box..

prob the best curry mee i had... can half fight with penang wan...

when nothing to do in the room... watch 'movie' and....

play PSP...

food food and more food... mickey and ray... on a carbo loading spree....

alex and chee keong...

taugeh at lou wong chicken restaurant...

hor fun soup...

the white chicken that was so tasty...=)

me at lou wong chicken restaurant...

before the match....

chee keong and ray...

curry mee.... for the record, i had 4-5 bowls of curry mee throughout my stay in ipoh...

andrew and mickey...

beef noodle on the 1st nite dinner....

stadium skuasy MBI ipoh...

birthday....=)

2007-11-18T23:07:00.000+08:00

ah well...
today's the day... okok... old another year redi... well, u prob would have asked what i did today... this morning woke up by my squash coach's call at like 8.30am???? cuz leroy will be out to astaka for sukma selection so have to find replacement for squash coach... aduh... ok lor.. coach till 12 lidat then it's jalan jalan time!!!=)

went 1 U today with Xan and since i got free ticket watch 30 days of nite well, i pergi watch lor.. in fact i can choose other movies wan just that timing wasn't that rite... so ended up watching 30 days... ehehe...

movie was at 4.50 so we went to chillis to eat... and then wat happened was i thought i could finish like a steak on my own but luckily we shared a fajita... cuz it was like super alot... so kinda lucky we din order one person each.. i ate 3 pita bread and 3 glasses of juices and ahhhh... a full stomach is a happy stomach... lunch was super goody good...=)

then jalan jalan lor... till i saw some digi roadshow and some guy was singing downstairs which i thought was Zhang Dong Liang... i was super excited i ran down oni to find out it's some teenage idol that sing Nicholas' song.. aduh.... potong steam... ahaha...

btw, 1U christmas decor is up redi.. it's pretty nice and ended up taking pics of snow white and the 7 dwarfs... kinda cosy la 1U that's why i like it better than mid valley.. prob cuz everytime i go shopping with parents i go 1U... ahaha...

ok... here comes the crunch.. last time when i watched the sneak preview (as in before a movie start u get to see like advert on the upcoming movie)... so i thought that 30 days is kinda nice... esp josh harnett's acting... and last time i thought it wasn't going to be all bloody... the movie not much of a story line but was kinda cool when the vampires come and attack and suck the hell out of the whole village... fuh... next time if i want to go alaska for hols, pls remind me not to! ahaha...

on the whole, i guess rating was prob 6.5/10?? just pass la on the imu scale... ahaha... but the suspense is 8/10... scary yet the suspense is more due to the element of surprise rather than on pure constant building of plot.. one off show... don't bother getting the dvd to watch 2nd time... ahaha..

then it was time to go home cuz family dinner.. we wanted to eat porridge and noodles but sis grumbled say nothing nice when the rest is like FULL HOUSE... not nice konon.. who bday now???? we ended eating at sri devi's... where i ate like 2 full servings of rice(u noe la, indians damn bloody hell generous with rice), mutton, chicken and fish... heck... i think i ate one hell of a tonne... sumore tmw is steamboat at hoho's ahaha... i'm so gonna be damn fat!!

ok la.. enuf rambling redi... here's the pics for today.... thanks xandra the white piggy for temaning me today... ehehe.. made my day... muax!!
m3 and u...

look at that hungry smile la... all over ur face...=P
our lunch....=)
xan among the roses...and me with old grumpy the dwarf... i used to be in the snow white and seven dwarf play when i was in std 1 and i played the dwarf with the specs... i don't even noe the name now.. ahaha...

anyways, i had a great time tonite.. and to think i've got oni 30 mins more before the clock strikes 12 again, haih.. better enjoy my bday till the max!! ahaha.. din study since yest... aduh... one day pergi watch stardust!!!=)

thx dear for my bday.. muax!

thanks pals

2007-11-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

actually, i realised that i haven't been blogging for quite some time and i was being tagged by angelene... wait wait k? ahaha... i got something that i want to blog... our form6 gathering!!! woooo!!!! took place at king crab rest today at 7pm..

first of all... thx for coming... from a list of 18 ppl, oni 9 came... :( which later prankster kitty came at bout 8.30 and entertained us with his 'me-pranksterkan' skill... ahaha... and we ordered 2 types of crabs.. the salted egg crab and marmite crab... and 1 vege, 1 tofu, 1 guiness stout pork rib, and 1 red snapper fish.. dinner was just fantabulous.. but to meet up with the rest of the gang who i hardly ever meet them, it was a great time to catch up and to 'let loose' and talk crap like there's no tomorrow...

anyways, thx fellas for coming... i really appreciate it very much... thx for all the gifts and what i thought wendy gave me A PACK OF TISSUE PAPER wasn't reli just a tissue paper after all.. sorry la.. how i noe.. i was like WTF!!! give me tissue paper... until i came home and when mum helped me like open up my presents and pack them oni then i realise that..... shitto!!!! booby trap!!! ahaha... i can't help to contain my laughter...=P

okok.. here are the pics that we took... all of us have grown older... next is ah tor and suying's bday... well, all of us have indeed grow SIDEWAYS as well! ahaha.. and WENDY it's YOU that i mean this time.. ur FAT! dulan me sumore la... ahaha... pay back time for smearing my sleeve with the choc cake! NAH!!!!!!

ok la.. here's the pics.. thanks again to all those who came and took the trouble to come while on the month of thesis writing... i noe it's a tough time to complete it but nevertheless i noe that we samadians form6-xers will forever be close to heart like family...

AJAH AJAH HURRAH!!!=)

the gang... standing: kitty, chris, elaine, TMZ, shan-na, wendy. sitting: chris gf, gerald, sai poh and me!
our food... nyam nyam!! salted egg crab, marmite crab, red snapper, guiness stout pork rib, tofu with fish fillet and brussel sprouts..
blowing the candles... imagine practically the whole upstairs floor of King Crab Rest ppl singing for u... wow... i'm damn famous! ahaha... konon~
biting the candle... ish... all gerald's fault!
me with the fruit choc cake... thx to shan na and TMZ for getting for me...
JAY'S CALENDER!!!! PHEWWIT!!!! all thanks to kitty who booked it!!!=)
JAY'S NEW ALBUM!!!! THX GUYS! 1,079,980 has been sold for pre-booking!! and i got one!!!!=)
jay's calender... reli a surprise gift!!!
me and the girls...
me and the guys...
me and the guys... look at kitty's gayness... haih.. ur the gaylord of all gays la... peroid~
gerald, kitty, and chris...

and gerald got him to pose... ahaha...
being approached to win 12 million bucks lottery...
prankster laughing... and wendy, our class's speaker...=P
my presents...
and this from U... which i use it everyday... ehehe... thx dear.. love it very much! ehehe... muax!

圆谎

2007-10-23T21:12:00.000+08:00

沉默是久了点谁该先说再见
虽然我早有了准备然而矛盾总难免
我以为能实现让你再快乐点
这些话说到了唇边忍不住泪流满面
真的很难两全其美我们己经试过多少回
避开了争辩却开始了另一种疏远
说一个谎言圆一个谎言我们爱的多么危险
谁也没发现是自己让这份感情毁灭
因为都想被安慰竟然以为承诺能减少眼泪
忘了真心的感觉早已经面目全非

friends for life...

2007-10-20T20:03:00.000+08:00

the camera starts with me playing the guitar... with the song 'when you say nothing at all' starting at the background.. i see myself strumming the guitar and the few of us who were there in redang bay having hell lots of fun... it was the 2nd day i remember and we had time to kill before we went for snorkeling and then deep sea fishing... it was still so clear... and we had sai poh, gerald, kitty, brendon, chris, mei zhing, yee ching, suen chi, syn yin, li ying, yee may in the room...

the camera starts with me singing off tune, 'it's amazing how you can speak rite to my heart.....' then the group joins in... and then the camera shifts to kitty and mei zhing... who made obnoxious changes to the songs by adding my name and sai poh's name in it... and me... like we are gay partners lidat... ahaha...

then the camera turns to gerald and sai poh while it brendon's face and chris comes into the picture... chris was trying to say something to kitty but i can't really put a finger to what he was saying... the music starts. and suen chi's face as well as yee may comes into view... a finger of peace which i think was from wendy came into the view as the camera was facing yee ching...

'the smile on your face lets me know that you need me, there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me, the touch of your hands say you'll catch me whenever i fall, you say it best, when you say nothing at all..............'

then it ended up in a pillow fight... with gerald throwing his pillow to brendon and brendon hits chris in the head..

the video then stops.....

this was a little more than 2 years back... i remembered like it was yesterday... the laughters... the song, the lame jokes. the gay times.. whatever you want to call it.. then like it started, it ended just like that... all of us went separate ways, with brendon to uk, suen chi and syin yin in spore and the rest are here... but half of the gang in that room during that day will graduate by next year april...

boy....... how time flies.

i met up with wuan zhu today for breakfast and over bfast we talked about how life was then, when we were carefree regardless of what we do... she is leaving to spore next week after just finishing graduating from bristol 2 months back from law. she got a job in spore and following her boyfriend there to settle down... it was a nice meeting and at one point we were talking politics and economy.. and then it occured to me...

JL: eh.. we talking politics now! i can't believe it i'm having this conversation with you.
WZ: yeah of course. how time flies. gone were the days when it was about gossips and stuff! i remembered when u used to call me and talk rubbish for an hour!

yeah.. time really flies... and i guess it's left with just memories to take us through and like today after i met up for a hearty bfast, i went home then followed mum to sunway pyramid to buy sushi... then over dinner we were talking about how life will be in sban then...

suddenly as what wuan zhu said, how comes a time of separate worries... it's no more about achieving grades.. it's about carrying yourself out there to let ppl know we are worth every bit of penny paid for and then money comes into issue...

money.. $$$ *bling blings* yes... heck.. i don't even know whether dad will use my ptptn money during phase 2 in sban or not.. haih... money...

but then like now, like today, a chat with a very old friend, i looked back on pictures. group photos. videos.. things that all of our form6-ers did when we were together.. like how fat was i last time and got teased like mad for being gay with gerald cuz he's my best buddy...

then this video i saw brought me back my smile.. a smile that i know comes straight from my heart.. a smile so genuine that at the end of the video, i could actually cry because at least i knew i had some really fun and bashful crazy time back then... and it was worth doing my 2 years as a form 6-er... we went thru shit, thru mud, thru every damn dirt and sweat to finish up our 2 years together... that holiday in redang was our last... and yeah, it stayed and it remained close to heart...

i remembered how it was last time that i really wanted to do form 6 and not a levels... surprising huh... that i went in together with gerald, chris and brendon as the subang gang, and these guys i've known since primary school... with gerald my longest buddy since 4 yrs old.. we shared the same class from form 1 till form 6... a good 8 years together.. we know every damn bloody bad habit each and every one had...

but even the best song got to end, all wonderful things have to come to a close and as i look back, this video shows how much we have moved on in our own lives as we go thru our university days... then we will be outside into the cruel world, fighting for our dreams, holding it hard and keeping our heads level to what the challenges might bring...

but like always, this i've always held close in heart.. is a sanctuary of memories of good friendship bonding... never ending, never fading, close to heart...

i drop a tear, but i guess all hard times during studies back then was all worth it... and this video here, i dedicate to U6Sc4 gang... take care my dear friends...

the gang having one last hurrah!

prankster kitty!

best buddies!

KND!

2007-10-19T12:04:00.000+08:00

my old junkie car entered the service center on wed and oni today can collect... hospitalised due to multiple prob... and just i got a call from them and guess what...

the tulan bill came up to RM690!

wtf......... i really KND by them and when dad called and asked why the hell so damn ex...

I ALSO KND again.......

what they did was...

a) change timing belt
b) change lock of my back left door
c) change brake pads
d) change black oil and filter
e) change fan belt

and plus manual work and stuff = whopping ass price!!!

my car is old redi.. what to do... haih... btw later i have to send to air cond guy... this car air cond is now not blowing enuf cold air during a hot day... what the hell~

haih... a car is a liability... luckily it isn't some honda, volvo, or even toyota.. if its that, i lagi KND!

what a day...

when you're gone...

2007-10-13T13:41:00.000+08:00

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
mMm

i miss you. i really do. muax!

dilemma

2007-10-07T10:54:00.001+08:00

the other day leroy msg me and asked whether i want to play national u-23 from 5-7th nov...

u'll prob wonder why i'm not registering... of course i would! until i found out that it's like 7th nov is repro exam...

wtf.............................................................................

and then when say play in duta and not in jalil....

wtf............................................................................. *again*

i wonder i won't make it till the 7th nov game also... prob play on the 5th nite and 6th nite oni.... and repro on the whole oni makes 3.5% of our eos5 marks...

should i go? should i not?

i really want to... not like next year i will get the chance to play also... but that means i might miss menopause and rohini's lecture cuz i think we'll just play the whole day...

aduh... i'm seriously in a dilemma!!!! gulps*

randomness of il divo

2007-09-16T13:32:00.000+08:00

been listening to il divo since morning... funny thing is that it's not even christmas yet but i just love to hear their christmas album... ahaha...

but nothing beats their 1st and their ancora album! yippie! i could just keep playing it and dreaming my way waltzing around while plugged into it...

so can anyone guess what's my fav il divo song? clue clue: it's from a very old english song even during my dad's time... and it's a song that my dad always and never failingly sing whenever he goes to karaoke with mum... ahaha... and it's just so nice that il divo resang it and my dad as well is all hooked up to it....

those who can guess... ehehe.. gets a free lunch! =P

randomness....=)

PJ open

2007-09-01T20:44:00.000+08:00

tmw is pj open... aih... 1st match at 10am and 2nd match is at 2.30... that's if i win la... funny thing is that i'm feeling so tired and sick rite now...

aduh... fever strike now... blocked nose and joint aches... plenty of phlegm as well... haih.. i'd better go to bed... need everything i have tmw... those free do drop by k? at astaka pj... ahaha...

p/s: dear, so happy to see u... muax! thou it's just walking aimlessly but glad we could spend time before class starts...

muax!

落叶归根

2007-08-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

落叶归根

词曲:王力宏

举头望无尽灰云
那季节叫做寂寞
背包塞满了家用
路就这样开始走
日不见太阳的暖
夜不见月光的蓝
不得不选择寒冷的开始
留下只拥有遗憾
命运的安排
遵守自然的逻辑
谁都无法揭谜底
喔～远离家乡不甚唏嘘
幻化成秋夜
而我却像落叶归根
坠在你心间
几分忧郁几分孤单
都心甘情愿
我的爱像落叶归根
家唯独在你身边
但愿陪你找回
所遗失的永恒
当我开口你却沈默
只剩一场梦

finally i think lee hom has surpassed jay in making mtv.. simple and meaningful... but then, as some say, love is eternal flame... lee hom's ex 'fang bu xia'? ahahaha...

SIPMA games

2007-08-19T16:47:00.000+08:00

hey folks...

just a little update on where i'm going to be in the next couple of days...

first of all, this is such a last min thing.. the trials selection and the meetings and stuff lidat... the games that i'll be playing in is the SIPMA games, short for kejohanan sukan institusi pendidikan malaysia... this is the first time the IPTS, which is the private education wing is taking part in this games...
the letter that sends me to kedah... haih.. can it come during a better time?

there are couple of games contested actually.. there are athletics, football, hockey, swimming, squash, bowling and swimming.... so i'll be playing in squash...

there are 7 contingents which are the MSSM, the Majlis sukan institusi pendidikan tinggi swasta, kolej komuniti, institut perguruan, majlis sukan universiti di malaysia, kolej matrikulasi and politeknik uni.

the funny thing is that when we had our meeting in marriott hotel putrajaya, i was the only i mean really the sole guy from IMU... even the cyberjaya college of medicine sends 4 reps for the athletics... what happen la to our IMU ppl? kinda sad actually... but it's kinda cool anyway cuz there are 193 athletes from our private education wing... so it's a big group and get to mix with other athletes from other unis....
the squash athlete team mates...

the biggest contingent was from the TAR college and Uni KL... in fact, we are going to kedah with 2 Uni KL buses... the football team left already and last teams to leave are squash, bowling, and badminton... and all the games are held in University Utara Malaysia in Sintok.. supposedly there's a games village for us there wor... ahaha.. wait and see la...

well, for the squash event, got 5 guys and 5 girls.. and playing round robin style.. so going to play against everyone.. we start of with playing against MASUM at 2pm on the 22nd... the final game day is on the 25th and bus only leaves kedah on 26th... so very very sorry k chan yee pei... i'm so sorry tak boleh attend ur 21st bday dinner...
our round robin time table of our matches for the week...

konon it's my hols but play squash like damn pack lidat.. after this event is the PJ open which runs from 2nd of sept to 6th sept... then have imu cup sumore... haih... PJ open draw is out and i'm playing against paul hong on 2nd sept at 2pm... pack eh... i haven't even watch ocean's 13 finish yet also.. ahaha... and packing for kedah for 7 days is no fun.. don't noe what to pack, trying not to pack so much and worst is that later overpack come back carry like shit... ahaha...
the PJ open draw...

well, i wish those who are having their hols now, enjoy the very last few weeks... it's been hectic for me but i hope u all are enjoying ur electives... which i did, and gained lotsa weight from it... ahaha... and to those who are outstation spending time with your families, i wish u and ur families well... life is fragile and short... that's for sure... u'll never know what's going to happen next...

finally wish me all the best, and pray that the bus driver fetching me isn't a devil on the road! ahaha...=P

cherios!

The Tung Shin experience

2007-08-14T22:56:00.000+08:00

Dear Drs.Yap BH, Low EH, Paul Lim, Lam KS, and Chong YS,

First of all, i would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to you all for allowing me to undertake my attachment though i'm still fresh and still don't know most cases you all see.. it's been a pleasure really for it has opened up my eyes in the field of internal medicine, orthopedics, ent, oncology and radiology. thank you very much. it's been a great experience, really and you all have thought me alot of things.

i went in on the 1st of aug under the supervision of Dr. Yap BH and Dr. Low EH... Dr Yap being an internal med specialist, i have to say have exposed me to things that i haven't seen before in my life... the past 2 weeks of medicine i've seen is all under dr yap's cases. though i don't know many things, u have been patiently guiding and teaching me how to pick up clinical signs that i've come to know not only from the textbook but through your 25 years experience as an internal med specialist...

i've seen 3 cases of scleroderma, which according to u, it's once in every 5 years... must be pretty lucky to have seen those, especially when they show the full fledge CREST syndrome with them... and to see how you have treated a 20 yr old pt with renal failure and fits that caused her to bite her tongue till bleed, due to post dengue infection really made me wonder how bad can such cases be... or a 27 year old pt who is a Dr. himself graduated in adelaide as a skin specialist being diagnosed of lung ca. as you've said at times, life is a tough shit...

i've seen procedures like underwater seal, how you puncture the lungs to drain the fluid out... trephine biopsy and bone marrow aspirate for suspected marrow aplasia... ogds and colonoscopy for stomach ca or colon ca... it's been a real eye opener in watching procedures for i will not be able to see when still studying in BJ...

as for the oncology department, i begin to und that NPC is so common like a bread and butter cases for the oncologist. and i've seen hepatoma that has spread to the lungs giving it a classic cannon ball appearance to both the lung fields... lung metastases normally have only 20% of survival rates... and it's such a sad thing to see patients suffer real bad... metoclopramide as we all know is classified as a drug that increase gi emptying but with anti emetic effect... in onco, it's used primarily as an anti emetic.. then you have the lignocaine which we studied as an anti arrythmic but it's used primarily as a local anesthetic in hospital setting... ondansetrone is also used as an anti emetic in the chemotherapy treatment but of course, it's more expensive than the metoclopramide....

cost is a factor that most docs keep in mind in treating the pts... normally those who are admitted are arleady mostly presenting with CCF, pulmonary edema, cardiomegaly and with the textbook findings of kerley b's, bats wing appearance and orthopnoea.... and of course, u get to see some rare cases of tardive dyskinesia which is due to prolonged intake of anti psychotic drugs.... and maybe u're lucky enough, u'll get to see pts with impaired vision due to stroke and get the docs to teach you how to check the pts visual acuity...

bilateral pedal edema is very common here in tung shin... in every 10 pts i visit, 8 will have it for some reason... in the orthopedics, of course we haven't studied it's a real tongue twister in pronuncing the ligaments and bone structures... but after spending bout 5 days in the orthopedic clinic, it's not too bad... there's flexion deformity, varus deformity, OA, ant and post cruciate ligaments, collaterals, meniscus... the list goes on... then u'll just watch as how the doc does his routine checkups on the pts and perhaps if ur lucky, they teach u how to read bone x ray and ct scan of L1-S4

radiology is a real bore.. but then it's a experience.. basically ur work bench is facing a 5 panel x ray board flourescent light, a u/s room, ct scan room and an x ray room... it's a great thing to learn how to read ultrasound under dr chong... differentiating betw a cyst and a growth, which one is a prob metastatic and which is a primary tumor... here, i learnt how to read x ray with great detail... with dr chong as a radiology expert, he teaches u to read mamograms, ct scans, x rays.. yada yada...

my attachment sums up with some real juicy time watching the orthopedic ops... i watched for 3 days during my 2 weeks here... it's no fun cuz u have to stand.. but it's great seeing how an op is done... being able to witness total knee replacement, hip replacement, hip revision, arthroscopy, bone grafting, excision of some subcutaneous tissue that causes pain in the heels makes the attachment here even more interesting...

but of course, while it's good to see these things on a positive note, there are others as well whom defaulted treatment in TB, or be it ca and coming back later with treatment only having to face the scolding by the docs who treated them initially... sometimes, they take a longer time to recover but most ca cases who have defaulted treatment, it's usually a death penalty for the tumor has metastasize... most defaulters, 1 more year they have left...

as what the doctors here say... it's ok to treat the pt and the disease but it's a hell lot tougher to deal with the emotions of the relatives... i mean how would you break news to the relatives of a 20 yr old girl who got ARF due to dengue and having fits, biting her own tongue till her mouth is frothy with blood and having to undergo dialysis due to creatinine levels sky high and prob have to do so for the rest of her life? and rest of her life is with a mean of 10 yrs.. means she'll go at the age of 30? having to tell her mum that she'll need a kidney transplanted to cont living is a real tough shit to deal with...

first time seeing a tumour marker AFP 4,000,000 where the normal reading is within the range of max 30... 4 million... full blown hepatoma... 45 year old only... i mean how tough shit can one face? but on the looks, she looks very ok to me save for her SOB...

so in all there are so many things that i've seen, and a little tricks in the trade that i've picked up from the docs here... ACE inhibitors are better in some pts while the ARB are not that effective... u can also actually put the pts on all the 3 types of diuretics if their HT is off the wall... and of course, once in a while, u get to see huntington chorea.... mitral stenosis and regurge murmur i've heard twice and that collapsing pulse thing, felt once...

a pt with VSD, the smaller the hole, the louder the sound, and palpable thrills can be felt beating onto ur palms as you palpate them on their chest... it's a real thing that i've felt and will not forget the presentation of a thrill, cullen's sign, CREST syndrome, tardive dyskinesia and other rare cases... once u've seen it, u'll not forget...

i guess that once we have chosen this medical field to go into as our life long career, there are things that we have to do to protect our very own sanity.. oncology is a real dog shitty fucked up depressing place to be and it's the worst place to start of with if you haven't been hosp attachment at all... this is because of the naiveness of the patient who ignored the signs and symptoms and come in late in the progression of the disease... most are diagnosed with stage 4 with presence of metastasis... the less depressing ones are the orthopedics... even ent you have the NPC which is now a real common ca case... radiology is the best but u don't interact much with patients and u just do u/s, ct scan and x ray and intepret them.. earn hell lots but get exposed to radiation kau kau.... not worth it in the long run...

equally as depressing is internal med.. u are the jack of all trades and by being so, u mostly see pts of terminal illnesses of every damn thing... but mostly those patients who send u up the wall are those who default treatment... and screw up and expect u to pick up from where they left off... really sometimes PIA(pain in the arse)...

so back to the point... seeing patients of critical stages, sometimes as a med student, we have pledge to do our best for them, to save them, to help.. but at times the most simplest help is to do nothing.. and being a person whom i would never give up it's real fucking hard at times to just sit and stare for the only treatment u noe is palliative care... u put up a brave front on the pt and their relatives, and then choke back tears as you enter the staff lift, away from the public appearance.. there u can cry, or u can curse or can just stare through the windows wondering how helpless it can be even to the best doctors in town...

sometimes it's just as what i said earlier, tough shit...

i've finished today my 2 weeks in tung shin... it's good to expose ourselves but one thing i realise is that we have to accept sometimes that do no harm to the patient is as simple as doing nothing and watching them live their lives off being happy and not receiving treatment... it's the one thing that i have not yet able to come to terms with...

perhaps time will tell... as for now, i'm thankful for everyday i'm alive, still breathing and being able to enjoy happy moments with my family, with YOU, and with my friends and as well as those who held grudges against me.... there is no point in hating someone anymore... life is short... and i plan to live it by being the most contented person i can ever be....

thank you to all the fabulous doctors who inspired a medical student into believing in himself..

thanks...

feeling blue

2007-07-25T22:54:00.000+08:00

i think i'll be going tioman island alone this time...

sounds so uncool ar? yeah... guess this time i'm just gonna spend my 4d 3n stay in some bloody chalet alone...

sometimes i wonder whether is it cuz i got face problem that no one wants to go with me or i'm just not a good friend to be with... i'm just so willing to even help arrange all the stuff redi... just pay me and you'll get to go...

and everyone's sms is like... 'hey man, sorry pal, can't make it, got something on'... u noe the whole works..

suddenly i feel everything i did or what i've been trying to do just have no effect... so i guess maybe it's just a way of god trying to tell me that i need that time alone... perhaps i can think through things that i thought can't be solved actually can be solved easily instead? or perhaps i'm able to do some soul searching, being able to talk to myself and probably come to a realisation on issues that i've never ever thought of thinking about...

i don't know.. or perhaps i should just pocket the money my dad gave and spend it on some of my favorite stuff.. perhaps a racket? a shoe? but suddenly materials are not what i want.. i just want some company...

sometimes is it just so hard to get? friends? or am i just a lousy one?

argh... just emo lah!!!!

2007-07-18T21:45:00.000+08:00

i ain't know what to put as the title header as of today... i've been thinking on what's good to do during the hols but sometimes i guess i'm a little too institutionalize to can't able to sit still and not doing anything...

perhaps i'm just not getting used to lazing around and enjoy the breath of freedom.. why? i do'nt noe myself.. prob i'm just afraid i get too complacent with things and then unable to concentrate when i start the next semester...

but come to think of it, i'm on hols.. but what will hols be if there's this gaping hole of i don't know what to do, or perhaps the computer box has become so boring it's no more compelling anymore... or the tv that i wasn't used to watch programmes now become even more boring?

when i went back to uni i was greeted with many surprise faces... 'what are you doing here?' 'u passed rite?' 'go home and enjoy urself'....

but the surprising thing is that at home, i'm just feeling useless... i don't noe why... i've been cooking alot lately cuz i just want to get over the feeling of not having anything to do... experimenting different types of dishes so i don't get bored with the same old thing i eat.. the irony is that i feel i can cook pretty well, and next week i'm doing cooking as an elective, no thanks to 'you know who' who happens to be my tutor who insisted that no medical attachment as an elective... boy, he really did screw up vivian for wanting to do medical elective in australia.. i mean can't he have some sense? or shall i beat some sense into him?

my hiccups have stopped since monday nite.... i don't experience the uncomfortable feeling of saying something and then *hic*! thats some progress... and now i think i'm going on a lose weight prog which i set myself to cut from 65-60kg...

heck it will work... i obviously can't stop eating whenever i'm the one who cooks in the house...

oh well, i remembered how i spent the 2005 year rotting at home and wanting to do something, and now it seems that i'm prob sucked into that same predicament as well... it's kinda going in that direction anyway... so what the heck...

and here i am, blogging away cuz there's nothing else to do... i would love to go do some hiking or some outdoor activities but all needs $$$.. haih.. had i only have that much $$$ with me...

but anyway, i guess for the next couple of days after my cooking electives, you will prob find me in the library.. i guess i feel more comfortable there than sitting at home and watching some shitty prog or playing my transformers game which i can't pass the level where ironhide has got to take out one of the decepticons...

i ramble too much i guess... but that's how life is after less than a week the results are out... some ppl are going langkawi, some to spore, some vietnam, and i'm sure there are some, whom like me, just sits at home and wait till the sun rises and falls without much anticipation... i don't noe, i guess i'm just bored...

i can't wait to go tioman.. so those interested who's reading my post, pls do like u noe, call me at my no, or drop me a msg here before the 23rd of july... those who have absolutely nothing to do, very the free free kinda person, the tioman trip is on 15-18 aug... if nobody goes, i think i'll just go myself anyway...

*sunken into the gaping hole called boring-ness...*

cranky...

2007-07-16T00:57:00.000+08:00

sometimes you know when it comes a time your body starts to slow down and gets cranky... some things happen to you you just don't know what the hell cause it and u can't bloody hell for the f**king reason put a finger to what's going on...

this is one of those days.... in fact it started since the day results came out...

fair enough, i passed the dreaded exams... the results was kinda satisfying but i really did put a lot of effort into it.. thank you for giving me back faith in myself that i used to questioned earlier in the semesters...

but now i just can't bloody hell put my finger to what going on inside me.... or rather what's going on with me...

i've lost sleep due to it, i've started having gum pains due to it(or was it a coincidence) and my temper's flared up for no apparent reason cuz i've in no capability in stopping it from happening..

it's just so disrupting whenever i try to say something then...

*hic*

and i timed it, it's really idiotic.. not random but very mechanical.. like 8 sec 1 hiccup... i hiccuped all the way while watching transformers again with my family today and to the extent i nearly couldn't take it anymore i just wanted to find myself a gun and shoot me dead... bloody irritating and the worst is it's friggin tiring... try hiccuping for 2 days non stop from the time you get up to bed till the time you go to bed... ain't funny man.. it's worst than doing court runs for 3 times in a row.. you'll just get so sick of it i think i went into type 2 respi failure...

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BREATH....

tmw i'm just going to hit the clinic and check what the hell is going on with me... is it due to the sore throat as well? or it's just over reacting? but i noe for sure hell is that...

IT'S KEEPING ME AWAKE AT THIS POINT OF THE NIGHT!!!!

KNN CCB!!!!

i need my sleep and you're ruining it....

A moment to remember

2007-07-01T12:23:00.000+08:00

sometimes what we do today might be the very last of what we do...

so why do we still fear anything? i guess there are ppl out there who would do anything without fear anymore for they do not fear anything else for there are much other things to fear.

or am i just too emo? i believe we do fear to a certain extend... but i just have to believe in myself that i can do this and not fear anything else....

and i guess the biggest fear is not remembering what we studied... but isn't it much worst if we can't remember anything at all?

i will fight till the very last end with all my heart...

and it will see me thru the darkest times...

p/s: a little clip on a movie i watched last nite... a moment to remember...

holding on

2007-06-23T22:59:00.001+08:00

at times like these,
sometimes i wonder to myself whether can i hold on for another week...
its different cuz suddenly what ive been working for and towards now all boil down to this one more week...
and at times when i flip the notes of gi, haemato or be it cvs i can hardly believe it that ive mostly spent my life in the library, missing out gatherings with old friends especially my form6 friends.
how much i would like to catch up talking to suen and yin, admiring the fact that they are on work and holiday in the US. or just like today meet up with my friends at salmon steak..
ive chose a different path, and i'm ready to walk this path... because i believe in what i'm doing.. but i'm human too... a little reminder from a friend at the wee hours in the morning did some good in telling me to hold my sail steady in the rough winds ahead...
ive sacrificed a lot... i really did. i hope that my sacrifices pays off in the end... to be someone whom ive dreamt to be after all these years, and to those reading this, i hope u will too become a good doctor when u grow up...
ive made promises and promised that if i make it thru this sem, i will at all times remind myself that i am not alone in this preparation and at the end of the day is to believe in myself that i am able to do well because i believe that the effort that ive put in only god will know the honest work ive done....
so i take this opportunity to reach out to those who think they are alone slogging thru heaps of notes and wanting to give up, DO NOT EVER GIVE UP... we have came a long way together and we will get through it... at times i do feel like giving up, but as long as we are being reminded of our purpose here in imu, we shall always fall back to each other when in times of need like now...
all the best M106.

Tantrums

2007-06-18T23:16:00.000+08:00

A tantrum is an emotional outburst wherein higher brain functions are unable to stop the emotional expression of the lower (emotional and physical) brain functions. It can be categorized by an irrational fit of crying, screaming, defiance, and a resistance to every attempt at pacification in which even physical control is lost. The person may not stand or sit on their own. Even when the "goal" of the person is met, he or she is not calmed. -wikipedia-

Why need to be so scientific...

Let me show u MY term of tantrums...

Exam stress plus work out in the squash court 2 weeks before EOS...

double combo fracture... seems like err... complete/closed/comminuted or displaced fracture r?haha... sumore dunlop say it's a titanium racket.. pang pui la.... (pang pui is fart) ahahaha...

i seriously thrashed this racket up real bad... haih...
the broken head....

well, so now what? next racket... Wilson N Tour used by anthony ricketts... not bad.. and it seems to be better than the current prince racket i'm using... but heck! no $$$!!!
fuyoohhh.... look at him man... so hot...=P already he so hot ar... imagine me playing.... wahahha.. so hot u'll just melt la...

www.anthonyricketts.com.. later u'll see me in...

www.jensthemagnificent.com... wahahahahahahahahaha..... dun pray pray ar....=P

okok super lame... stupid stuck at neoplasia since i came back... wth....

WAAAAAAAAAAA.............. sob sob... really KND(ka-na-do) la today... chi pek!

Israel and the Palestinians

2007-06-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

On the seventh day Jews everywhere celebrated Israel's deliverance from danger. But 40 years after that tumultuous June of 1967, the six-day war has come to look like one of history's pyrrhic victories. That is not to say that the war was unnecessary. Israel struck after Egypt's President Nasser sent his army into the Sinai peninsula, evicted United Nations peacekeeping forces and blockaded Israeli shipping through the Gulf of Aqaba. Israel's victory opened the waterway and smashed its enemies' encircling armies, averting what many Israelis sincerely expected to be a second Holocaust. And yet, in the long run, the war turned into a calamity for the Jewish state no less than for its neighbours.

Part of the trouble was the completeness of the triumph. Its speed and scope led many Israelis to see a divine hand in their victory. This changed Israel itself, giving birth to an irredentist religious-nationalist movement intent on permanent colonisation of the occupied lands. After six days Israel had conquered not just Sinai and the Syrian Golan Heights but also the old city of Jerusalem and the West Bank—the biblical Judea and Samaria where Judaism began. In theory, these lands might have been traded back for the peace the Arabs had withheld since Israel's founding. That is what the UN Security Council proposed in Resolution 242. But Israelis were intoxicated by victory and the Arabs paralysed by humiliation. The Arabs did not phone to sue for peace and Israel did not mind not hearing from them. Instead, it embarked on its hubristic folly of annexing the Arab half of Jerusalem and—in defiance of law, demography and common sense—planting Jewish settlements in all the occupied territories to secure a Greater Israel.

The six-day war changed the Palestinians too. They had been scattered by the fighting that accompanied Israel's founding in 1948. Some fled beyond Palestine; others became citizens of the Jewish state or lived under Egypt in Gaza and Jordan in the West Bank. The 1967 war reunited them under Israeli control and so sharpened their own thwarted hunger for statehood. When, decades later, Egypt and Jordan did make peace with Israel, the Palestinians did not recover Gaza and the West Bank. This has left some 4m Palestinians desperate for independence but in a confined land choked by Jewish settlements—along with the fences, checkpoints and all the hardships and indignities of military occupation. Ariel Sharon, it is true, dragged Israel out of the Gaza Strip two years ago. But so what? The Palestinians will not consider peace unless they get the West Bank and Arab Jerusalem too. And Hamas, the Islamists who now run what passes for a Palestinian government, says it will not make a permanent peace even then.

Is there a way out? Yes: but making peace will take courage, and too much of the energy that should have gone into peacemaking has been squandered on the blame game. There is, admittedly, plenty of blame to go round. What right had the British, in 1917, to promise the Jews a national home in Palestine? Why did the Palestinians reject partition in 1947? Why did Israel colonise the territories after 1967? Why did the Americans let Israel get away with it? Why did the Arab states leave the refugees to fester in camps? The Palestinians are terrorists, Zionism is racism, Israel's enemies are anti-Semites. Yasser Arafat should have accepted Israel's “generous offer” at Camp David in 2000. But, hang on, Israel's offer was not so generous...

And so the quarrel spins, growing more bitter with each revolution and spreading far beyond the Middle East. What started as a national struggle between two peoples for one land is gradually, and often wilfully, being transformed into a war of religion, feeding poison into the wounded relations between Islam and the West as a whole. It is scandalous that the occupation has persisted since 1967. This conflict should have been resolved long ago, and its continuation is an indictment of all involved, from the warring parties for their intransigence, to regional powers that have exploited the Palestinian cause for self interest, to the great powers for their lack of sustained attention. It should end—but how?

The answer has been obvious at least since 1937, when a British royal commission under Lord Peel reported that “an irrepressible conflict” had arisen between the Arabs and Jews of Palestine and that the country would have to be partitioned. More recently, the manner of the division has become obvious too. Despite all Israel's settlements, demography and justice still point to a border based on the pre-1967 lines, with minor adjustments of the sort Bill Clinton suggested in 2000.

As Mr Clinton's failure at Camp David demonstrated, securing agreement for such a deal will be hard. The Clinton solution would require Israel to give up the bulk of its settlements in the West Bank, uproot a great many more settlers than it did in Gaza and share sovereignty over Jerusalem. The Palestinians would have to accept that most refugees would “return” not to their homes of 60 years ago inside Israel but to a new state in the West Bank and Gaza. Such compromises will hurt. But for either side to give less and demand more will merely tip the difficult into the impossible.

Right now both continue to offer too little and demand too much. Israel has at least abandoned the dream of a Greater Israel that bewitched it after the great victory of 1967. The illusion that the Palestinians would fall into silence has been shattered by two intifadas and every rocket Hamas fires from Gaza. Israel's present government says it is committed to a two-state solution. But it is a weak government, and has lacked the courage to spell out honestly the full territorial price Israelis must pay. The Palestinians have meanwhile gone backwards. If Hamas means what it says, it continues to reject the idea that Jews have a right to a national existence in the Middle East.

What self-defeating madness. For peace to come, Israel must give up the West Bank and share Jerusalem; the Palestinians must give up the dream of return and make Israel feel secure as a Jewish state. All the rest is detail.

mika's encouragement

2007-06-03T01:59:00.000+08:00

i haven't the slightest idea could hold on till 2am...

and i'm still going on... haven't finish my quota of 9 notes a day...

and still going on...

cuz it's ur song that accompanies me through this nite... perhaps in many more nites to come...

no wonder u've got such a big fan club... ahaha.. and i'm one of urs as well...

and this is my fav song by U...

thanks mika...=)

TOYS

2007-05-29T14:34:00.001+08:00

ahaha....

i would love a wilson n tour, or even an prince o3 tour...

but...

doesn't do any harm if you are still using a new racket...

my new toy...

from

the broken n code....

TO
this... prince o3 silver... ok la... not my fav n tour but still it's o3 tech... worth a shot...

welcome to my latest toy...=)

吻别

2007-05-27T23:32:00.000+08:00

前尘往事成云烟消散在彼此眼前
就连说过了再见也看不见你有些哀怨
给我的一切你不过是在敷衍
你笑的越无邪我就会爱你爱得更狂野
总在刹那间有一些了解
说过的话不可能曾实现
就在一转眼发现你的脸
已经陌生不曾再像从前
我的世界开始下雪
冷得让我无法多爱一天
冷得连隐藏的遗憾都那么地明显
我和你吻别在无人的街
让风痴笑我不能拒绝
我和你吻别在狂乱的夜
我的心等著迎接伤悲
想耍给你的思念就像风筝断了线
飞不进你的世界也温暖不了你的视线
我已经看见一出悲剧正上演
剧终没有喜悦我仍然躲在你的梦里面
总在刹那间有一些了解
说过的话不可能曾实现
就在一转眼发现你的脸
已经陌生不曾再像从前
我的世界开始下雪
冷得让我无法多爱一天
冷得连隐藏的遗憾都那么地明显
我和你吻别在无人的街
让风痴笑我不能拒绝
我和你吻别在狂乱的夜
我的心等著迎接伤悲
我和你吻别在无人的街
让风痴笑我不能拒绝
我和你吻别在狂乱的夜
我的心等著迎接伤悲

我不会忘了你。。。

The Joey Yap influence

2007-05-20T20:43:00.000+08:00

Strive not to move ahead of others but instead, to do well the task you have been given.
-Joey Yap-

i've been scouring over books and his website over how to calculate my BaZi and stuff lidat..

It's darn interesting...

I'm a Feng Shui fanatic! And this is what he tells me for the day..

Strive not to move ahead of others but instead, to do well the task you have been given.

So true at this point of time... study for myself and not to compete against others...

Thanks Joey Yap!

MA BEAR BEAR

2007-05-20T00:41:00.000+08:00

damn it....

Drogba to Lampard back to Drogba =

SHATTERED DREAMS....

Ronaldo didn't have his magic, absolutely no finishes could be done... Man Utd can't bloody hell penetrate their defence... and worst of all..

NO LUCK...

nvm.. they still are the premier league champs...

NEXT SEASON WE'LL BE BACK!

The OWNING...

2007-05-19T21:05:00.000+08:00

the other day i tried to upload my blog but some crap thing happen.. and when now i try uploading any photos all i see is some gibberish html format kinda crap...

but that will NEVER EVER deter me from saying....

MAN UTD 2: CHELSEA 1

MAN UTD wins the ultimate FA Cup!! they are the best lar.. as in THE BEST!

Giggs scores and Ronaldo scores... Chelsea consolation goal to Frank Lampard...

ahaha... stay tuned...=)

Chelsea tonight KENA OWN LA...

Glory Glory MAN UTD!!!!!

The Goodbye

2007-05-13T11:37:00.000+08:00

She ran down the corridor that lead to the central station, her eyes searching the numbers above the doors that lead out to a maze of platforms. She told herself she wouldn't come; he had asked her not to, it was what he wanted... wasn't it? She had gone to bed refusing to set her alarm, hoping to wake well past the time for changing her mind. As if she would've slept; she tossed in her bed throughout the night, decided to set the clock as a trick to help her sleep, and was still awake when she shut off the alarm a half hour before it would've gone off.

Still she told herself she wouldn't come. They had already said goodbye. Why make it harder for them both?

She was aware of no moment when she had decided; she'd just grabbed her coat and headed to the station in a rush. Now she couldn't find the platform, the numbers don't seem to follow each other the way they should. She ran past a man mopping the corridor floor, then almost collided with a porter wo had just stepped through the swinging doors out onto a platform.

"Please!" she said breathlessly. "Is the the platform for the 6:30?"

"Yes ma'am," he said, "but it just pulled out."

She banged through the doors, from the corridor to the platform.

She didn't see however was her lover's best friend passed through that very moment, two doors away, moving from the platform to the corridor.

She stood on the concrete, damp with chill air of morning, and watched the last cars of the train round the long curve toward the main track, leading away from her, and disappering into the distance.

She thought for that very instant that she saw him, or rather his arm sticking out from the carriage window with her blue handkerchief tied round his shoulder.

She stood there quiet, staring into emptiness as the morning breeze carressed her soft face. Had she fought with herself earlier, she would have seen him for one last time.

All she wanted was to hug him again, to tell him how much she loved him and will wait until he return. She wanted to feel the warmth of his breath and his ever assuring smile to know that he will eventually return to find her, like how she would have done so, if she had to leave as well.

Only had she did it.

She stood still looking out to where the bend of the tracks end, phantoming and hoping the train would somehow turn back.

But it didn't. Her eyes became watery and clouded her sight of the railway track. A tear ran from her eyes down to her cheeks. She fought not to cry but her regrets were too overwhelming.

She had never felt more alone.

相信我...

2007-05-08T23:44:00.000+08:00

i can't remember when was the last time i actually really libo in the library...

perhaps it was the mapcu that disrupted my whole studying plan.... we won champion.. that's great... it was a great job by all of us... but now... it's back to studies... my studies was just derailed by mapcu... such an event but caused so much of damage... haih!

i haven't done much of sem 2 let alone the systems course... and worse, i have gi which i haven't touched for couple of days...

i'm behind time... and i just finish playing fifa...

what the hell am i becoming... i just lost interest in fighting on... i just don't know why i haven't felt the urge to continue to push on...

come on!!

温镇来....

加油！！加油！！

你可以做道的！！！但是我不够勤力...='(

救命啊！！！！救我...但是谁可以救我??

我想不到办法了... 我在哭不停!! haih...='(

我只有相信自己我能做到...

我一定做道的.....因为我相信自己...

你们相信我可以吗??

救我...

aun woon

2007-04-29T16:20:00.000+08:00

first of all, thanks for the dinner... it was fantastic and had a wonderful time meeting back friends that i've lost touch with and to catch up with you...

we've known each other for quite some time redi.. but mostly our friendship was based on chia woon-khye theng and my mum and ur mum in buying-selling house...

little do i have in mind that we'll just end up in the same uni and having to say good bye again since the last time i said bye to u was when u left to aussie after form 3...

i remembered those days when u were a prefect in secondary school and i used to kacau u and ur mum called my mum up saying that i always kacau u and u complained... ahaha... then i kena scolding and that was i felt the last time i really talked to u about things... cuz suddenly u din seem all that friendly to me after all...

then u went back... and once in awhile, ur parents and mine with my sis had dinner together and had catching up but i never did went for those gatherings... but when i was stuck in cold hostile russia and wanted to come back here, u were there to help me in the application into imu... it was such a hard time for me, being there, and calling back to my mum and my mum, as u noe, frantically searched and clueless at times...

but u were there to aid my mum, and helped me into talking to may kuan, whom now i've made close friends with, and ur mum, accompanying mine, went to imu to discuss about things... i have to say, it was such a great thing to do as a friend, being that time u were already in sem4 and bz with selectives and stuff... and u helped me even though i haven't seen u for nearly 3 years and with a bad history of kacau-ing u in school, it was seriously unexpected on my part to get such help from u... and sometimes i do look back and i have to say at times i don't even dare to call myself as ur friend cuz i did nothing but kacau u and u still helped me when i was in dire straits...

and u came over to my place with titus and talked to me cuz at that time, i was by all times the lowest point of my life... i remembered saying that i'm just useless and u said 'no.. ur not useless, just a test to noe ur true strength within urself'.. and titus just reassured me over and over again saying it's ok, u'll be better here, and get back ur old self and eveyrthing will be fine... i'm truly blessed with friends like both of u...

u noe, when at the party, when the rest sang u ur bday song, it's us, the subang jaya ppl who will still call u aun woon though u were known better as cindy in imu.. cuz u're still the aun woon that the sj ppl noe...

and now it's time for u to leave to jefferson.. so many things have passed and finally u've got what u've wanted... god really did bless u with ur change of option from sban to pms and blessed u with the mental strength and knowledge to take the usmle and pass it...

somehow, along the way, u've taught me the strength to carry on even though at times everything is against u.. and along the way, i've taught u how to chilling abit, eat more cuz u look anorexic, and how to reverse ur car at a tight angle when going off from my hse! haha...

perhaps when u come back and being known as dr. soon aun woon, then we'll look back at the days over a cup of tea when we both were shy to see each other in school, to when u told ur mum i was like jerk kacau-ing u, and till the day u left to the states to chase ur dreams...

or perhaps even u decide to stay there cuz ur *ahem* is there now and don't wanna come back.. ahaha.. it was then at the party that i found out that my friend wen yin is already married.. who noes u'll be next? ahhaa... jk! but do know that u've always been a great friend and i've got nothing to offer but words of encouragement in settling down there getting accustomed to the life there... i'm sure u'll do fine.. moreover he's there rite? ahaha...

god bless u always aun woon and may u succeed in whatever dreams u are chasing...

all the best!

my mum , aun woon, sister, titus and er... forgot his name redi...titus and me... buddies and friends for life...

ur 21st bday cake... the 'key' to ur freedom... do use it well and chase ur dreams...ur dad, u, celine and ur mum...

the sj ppl.. we'll always be there for u... friends forever...
god bless you.. take care wherever u are and all the best! friends forever!~~

追

2007-04-22T13:47:00.000+08:00

追 - 張國榮

-什么都说不出了，拿一首歌给大家听听 -

這一生　也在進取　這分鐘　卻掛念誰　
我會說　是唯獨你　不可失去　
好風光　似幻似虛　誰明人生樂趣　
我會說　為情為愛　仍然是對

＊誰比你重要　成功了敗了也完全無重要　
誰比你重要　狂風與暴雨都因你燃燒

一追再追　只想追趕生命裡一分一秒　
原來多麼可笑　你是真正目標
一追再追　追蹤一些生活最基本需要
原來早不缺少　WO..HA..　
有了你　即使平凡卻最重要
（＠只得你　會叫我彷彿人群裡最重要）

好光陰　縱沒太多　一分鐘又如何
會與你　共同渡過　都不枉過
瘋戀多　錯誤更多　如能重新做過　
我會說　願能為你　提前做錯

Repeat ＊（＠）

有了你　即使沈睡了　也在笑

我...

不用追了..

勿忘我...

my best quotes

2007-04-19T23:09:00.000+08:00

if you can't fight on for yourself, who else will fight with you?

it's the character that's important. i can raise a million dollar baby but it's useless when the baby throws all the money away later in life.- dad

we are at the tails end of our life. you have to strive on for your own success.- dad

Aerith: You came. Even though you're about to break. That's a good sign.
Aerith: So... Why did you come?
Cloud: I think... I wanna be forgiven. Hmmm. More than anything.

sometimes the hardest person to forgive is to forgive yourself. have u ever wondered mistakes that you've made but the person who was hurt forgives you but u just can't forgive urself for making those mistakes?

but, everyday comes as a challenge... and the only thing that makes me go to bed soundly is that i've given my best in everything that i do... not an ounce less... so i hope and pray that the day that i can't forgive my own self will never come again...

there's a saying that goes:
'i swim as hard as i can and as fast as i can, and the sea takes the rest'

but have you ever wondered, to those who rescue others, they themselves are the ones who needed to be 'rescued'? it's such an irony that those who have given their hearts and soul to rescue someone, are actually the most vulnerable in their hearts just waiting to be rescued by another person... it's something that i've come to know after all these while...

they rescue other people because they have made a mistake and can't seem to forgive themselves for it... but little do they know that they will be the ones in return who needed to be rescued at the beginning...

it's such an irony, crude, twist of fate that such things happen all around us.. it's tough and unfair.. but sometimes we do need some rescuing ourselves after rescuing others...

that's if you know what i've been talking about...

don't we?

nostalgia

2007-04-07T21:06:00.000+08:00

i have just taken a look into the past... a past that wasn't too long ago and sometimes once you've seen the pics everything just comes back to you and you sit back and watch wonderfully as pics and pics fly by...

but the sad thing is that you can only look, prob watch a little video or two, laugh, make some comments on your very own self of your own stupidity and think back of what prob went thru your head when you did such things...

but i guess in the end, it's the tears that floods my eye..

i don't know why.. it's just that 2003-2004 was the best part of my life... the friends i had in u6sc4... it was a mutt set of class with none of us belonging from the school student itself... our class were of transfer students.. 26 of us and none of us came from samad.. we made up of subang, sri aman, assunta, tmn sri muda and one from as far as sg buloh..

we laughed, we sang and we cried together... we fought pass stpm holding hand in hand... we went to holidays pouring everything out in our hearts knowing very well it was going to be the last holiday that we are going to have... after that we lead our separate ways and we are all over the world now.. separation is hard.. separation takes us to different places so when we come back someday, we have memories and experience to share with.. but separation brings tears..

i've never been such a person who look back and shed tears over friends who come and go... but my form 6 friends, yeah.. i do have a soft spot for them.. we didn't get together well during the early days, but then bit by bit, we became close like a family... a family of 26... somehow when i looked in yin's profile, our group profile, and pics on bkt tinggi, redang, selesa hills, somehow it's just hard to phatom the fact that it's arleady in 2007.. and the holidays that took place were back in 2003..

i miss being picked by mahendran to give my thoughts on open issues, i miss being scolded by tiong for mischevious in class, i miss having recess with the gang and tapau whatever food we can tapau and eat in front of norashikin. and among all, i miss the laughter of everyone of us when we went from house to house for cny, or even having a simple tea at wong kok... i want those back.. i want it back badly... when you look back on things that you have done and you know you've given your heart into it, you just don't want it to end... it was the days where you just don't have to think what you say, and just say cuz your friends know it's just the bloody jen lye who say things jsut for the sake of saying it...

it's been 4 years...

but memories are fresh.. note 'are'... cuz i don't want them to be in the past tense.. i don't want them to end..

yeah.. i just don't want them to end...

it's funny when at that moment, you just seem that you can skip parties or gatherings.. but now, i want to go for all.. cuz i don't noe what the morrow brings.. whether i will be healthy to see my friends again or whether i'm still happy enough to smile and sail through the days of darkness... somehow now i just want to be involved...

if i had one wish...

i'll roll back the clock to when i was still wearing that green pants and white shirt... with pleasure i will trade anything that i have with me to bring back those moments that i have enjoyed and inprinted in my memories till my breath take me away...

if have to say what i want to do now, if i had the power within me, if i had the wish and have my wish granted, is to bring back those wonderful memories that we spent together through thick and thin, and through ups and downs...

because....

you've all been a part of my memories and life... it was just too good to have it come to and end though in every beginning has an end... it's just sad that we have all went our separate ways... and we've all grown up... perhaps when we sit back someday over a cup of tea, we can still picture the sounds and expression of kitty with his laughter, syn and chi with their antiques, the subangites with their kiasuness and above all, a class which had so much bond to be just forgotten and eaten up in time...

maybe i'm too emo... but i have to say, of late, i've been losing this craziness in me that i've shared with you all back then... perhaps looking at this pics can bring back that joy of nothingness in me...

it was a wonderful chapter in my life... and i have to qualms saying that... my schooling life is complete with you ppl...

thank you U6Sc4...

our gp picture in the sea...
on the way to redang...
at some cove where we were suppose to look for shooting stars...
at selesa hill...
my 18th bday where i got smashed with cake cream.. my face didn't look the same after that thanks to yin and chi...
at redang sleeping at the edge of the cove trying to catch the sun to rise...
our pic in redang..
and this is in bkt tinggi.. we did have our midnite jungle trekking and i saw a shooting star...
me with yin and chi...
in the sea!!!! how much i love this pic..
and this...
our dinner at kwai lam... i think this was our last real gathering dinner together before we went separate ways... the whole 20 of us were here...
frozen in time.. everlasting memories...
our run at kiara hills...
dissecting rats at tong's class...
when chris and yin both shared the same bday... look at the love!! ahaha... jk!
at gerald's bday.. we practically crash the house.. my mum was there too!! this pic was taken by my mum...
our gang here in redang...
before we departed...
on the way back...
when i was contemplating to jump from the boat roof... looks like damn low but act it's 5 meters high!!
and of course, chris, gerald, and me jumped!!!

when we all tried cramming into that small little window of the japanese hse to take pics...
when i was so carefree and didn't care one shit...
the family at berjaya resort in redang...
the family at bukit tinggi...

p/s: this post is dedicated to the family of U6Sc4... forever we shall stand together... some of us prob moved on and when you look back at these pics, the nostalgic moments just floods back our memories... some, who like me, who shall always look back and remember those days and moments where we shared our bond of friendship and family... everyone has a place called a sanctuary... and i have mine... and mine lies in these pics that we all once took when we were carefree and still had a warm heart in us...

signing off..
jens

hearts

2007-04-03T21:45:00.000+08:00

i've came to understand that will be times when what have you done things that has touched someone's heart along the way... it's good sometimes to know that you have done so, but there might be some circumstances where you know you won't hear that...

but what's in the heart that matters...

someone who is always there ready to extend their help has touched the hearts of others.. but the true question lies in those who are willing to open their hearts and give back in return...

so ask urselves...

who will you touch?

and of course the ultimate question

who will touch you?

i guess the latter somehow in your hearts you know it very well.. though at times you can't say it out personally cuz maybe you don't want them to misunderstand.. but in this hard world of loneliness and emptiness, it's good to acknowledge those who have somehow made you feel like you... feel like your original self.. make you laugh and do crazy things for that's just being yourself... and it's just something nice to hear if you've told them that...

'you've touched me'

Amazing Grace

2007-04-01T21:46:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you just feel that you are alone fighting all odds urself.. till i finally heard this song that once a good friend of mine sent to me a long time ago... and then you'll finally understand that sometimes we are not alone always...

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.

gifts

2007-03-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

i have to say in time, there are things that we received and things we gave out..

but those gifts that are priceless and don't cost a single cent are gifts that come from the heart...

words is one of the best gift...

but it has to be said earnestly, and honestly...

it may be words of encouragement, or even words of assurance...

or the best among all, words of appreciation....

it's something that i rate highly most because many things that we do day in day out do require effort and thoughts towards our actions that we take... or may be it's a sacrifice that was made to improve and make things better... and those actions though doesn't necessarily seem important in other people's eyes sometimes do come as at least an effort by those who are willing to give...

but the sad thing is that you don't often hear it... maybe because it's a bit shy to be mouthed out? or perhaps, deep down inside, what has been done has not been really appreciated enough to say it out...

but, it is in fact the best gift of all.. the willingness in giving, and the appreciation given in return...

it's free of charge, if said with all your heart, it would mean a world to the person receiving it...

it's something that's beyond the measure of money, but it's measured with pure sincerity that lies in those who whispers it...

if there's one phrase that can brighten anybody's day up to me is...

'i appreciate you'

Post KL Open

2007-03-24T21:41:00.000+08:00

I'm useless... just feel like giving up the game...

contemplating with it rite now... i just don't noe why this time the lost seems so hurting...

argh... perhaps the reason is as clear as the blue sky... i'm not a squash player... i camp not in the squash court but in the library....

i'm a medical student... not any other thing else...

just a post of randomness... the sad thing was that i keep blaming myself for it... if you were there watching the game, i went harakiri midway thru the 1st set...

that was what at least samuel told me... just sooo stupid...

perhaps that what's motivating me to do pbl now...

perhaps it's just time to hang up my racket...

now it's eos 3... i can't screw up this one...

CIMB KL Open Squash Championship 2007

2007-03-21T23:56:00.000+08:00

Sheet1

The draw is out!!!! man.. hope i can do well this time...=)

	A	B	D	E	F	G	H
1				CIMB KL OPEN SQUASH CHAMPIONSHIP 2007
2				JALAN DUTA, KUALA LUMPUR 22ND - 25TH MAR 2007
3				MENS DIV IV
4
5				22.03.07	23.03.07	24.03.07	25.03.07
6	No	Name
7	1	JOHNNY TAN	1	JOHNNY TAN
8	2	KRISHNAN PAUL
9	3	KADERI PASAT
10	4	VADIVELAN SAYLON	16	LUA KIM CHEW
11	5	ADEEN IDRAKI	9	RAYMOND PHOON
12	6	ALEX WAN
13	7	RAJA ADAM
14	8	NG EAIN WEI	8	NG EAIN WEI
15	9	RAYMOND PHOON	5	ADEEN IDRAKI
16	10	EDWARD CHAN
17	11	TARMIZI MOHD ZAIN
18	12	SAMUEL CHAN	12	SAMUEL CHAN
19	13	SAM CHAN	13	SAM CHAN
20	14	MOHD FADZIL ABD HAMID
21	15	WAN JEN LYE
22	16	LUA KIM CHEW	4	VADIVELAN SAYLON
23	17		3	KADERI PASAT
24	18
25	19
26	20		14	MOHD FADZIL ABD HAMID
27	21		11	TARMIZI MOHD ZAIN
28	22
29	23
30	24		6	ALEX WAN
31	25		7	RAJA ADAM
32	26
33	27
34	28		10	EDWARD CHAN
35	29		15	WAN JEN LYE
36	30
37	31
38	32		2	KRISHNAN PAUL

CIMB KL Open 2007

2007-03-18T22:45:00.000+08:00

i went to berjaya times yesterday to catch abbas-boswell as well as nicol-natalie's match... left at 1pm after having brunch cuz i was pretty sure that if i left later just to catch nicol's match, it would be so pack that you have just no place to stand or sit..

i thought the seatings were free like last year.. last year was at bkt jalil seeing a final betw beng hee -wael el hindi.. and seatings were free.. but this time i guess that it's because it's held in times square so the entrance was RM30 a person.. damn expensive lar cuz it's not just me but my mum and my sis went as well... so it's like RM90.. we decided to stand and watch.. which in the end turned out to be rather tiring and packed.. cuz we stood thruout the 5 hours (men's final and women's final)

the boswell and abbas match was not a really an entertaining one.. cuz prob boswell was so worned out after his previous round match against karim darwish.. but then abbas, who beat nick matthews was just fabulous.. i've never seen such wonderful play of drops before my entire life.. abbas just kept playing safe, straight drives and straight drops that were so tight and so low i sometimes thought boswell would be done in less than 30 mins... boswell did lose in the end without much fight and the match was won 3-0

then the most anticipated match was by our very own nicol david and natalie grinham.. that match was a major sellout cuz by the time the match started, the seats were all snapped up and best was all the levels at the concourse area was packed by our malaysians giving their support.. however the ugly side of msians did surface when twice natalie had to ask for a let cuz some stupid idiot malaysian shouted 'go nicol' when a rally was at play.. and the worst is that the rally was going on for like 2 mins straight and some idiot shouted out and had the game stalled... of course the umpire did give whoever that fella some warning and told the crowd not to make any noises...

it was a great match this one with natalie pushing nicol to the edge.. there were couple of times i thought nicol couldn't have got the ball but she showed superd agility and fitness and speed as well.. well, world no 1 is still no 1.. it was a much better match that the grinhams themselves during the semis.. rachel grinham like handed the match to natalie during the semis..

anyway these are the pics that i've taken with my handphone camera.. it's not very clear though and can't zoom in.. but it just gives a rough idea on the support and the atmosphere of the game...

nicol throwing the CIMB sponsored T shirts into the outstretched arm of the crowd...

Natalie interviewed by Jamie Hickox at the end of her match with Nicol
And now Jamie interviewing Nicol on her win in the game...
During the match... Nicol taking on Natalie with her forehand drives
And this time with the backhand
Boswell against Abbas... Boswell was just soo darn tired... even my mum could see that..
Jamie Hickox introducing Boswell into the courts..

The sellout crowd that came to see Nicol's match.. all the way to the top of the concourse area..

Finally, I'll be playing in the CIMB KL open 2007 in Jalan Duta squash courts on the 22nd -25th march.. this time this com is opened to the public... and also for those who played in the preliminary rounds of this KL open and didn't make it into the main draw... neways, do give me ur support yar...=)

the cherryblossom garden

2007-03-11T12:50:00.000+08:00

When the cherryblossom colors flutter, I’m alone

Standing exhausted, I can’t cut off these feelings bottled up inside

When the color of new leaves shake, my feelings overflow
I lost sight of everything and drifted towards you

The trees around us told us in silence
That we would both see:
People don’t have to be limited to one place

When the withering leaves change color, I am next to you
And as the passing days fade, our love changes

But please, let these trees
Protect these feelings
Silently rustling your leaves above us,
Just one more time..

Before long, the seasons will pass
And we will be taken somewhere else
But right now, there’s only one thing I know
Embrace me, silently

Covered by the snow, the feelings get lost
The footprints vanish, sounds disappear in vain

But please, let these trees
Protect these feelings
So that, frozen in eternity
We may live on here

When the cherryblossom colors flutter, I’m alone
Savoring my thoughts of you

reflections of me

2007-02-12T23:54:00.000+08:00

some ppl told me the other day that my blog shows alot about me... cuz my style of blogging gives way to a lot of things that i think of and do each day....

probably that was what hindered me to blog for a period of time... my last post was on the 24th of jan and now it's the 12th of feb.. it's been more that 2 weeks since i last posted something... i've got a lot to write actually.. about kkb, about the short holiday that just concluded and of course about my eating escapades that took place...

i take some time of thinking whether should i continue blogging.... or perhaps change the things i write in my blog...

but this is me... i'm known to my friends i'm a deep thinker.. i'm a person who says what i want to say and have no fear is saying out things that i feel that is supposed to be said.. but sometimes even my close friends wonder whether my actions denote what i think for they too get lost in my already jungled mind...

a blog tells about ppl.. that's true to a certain extend... cuz if u don't blog about urself, then it's hard to gauge what that person is going thru or feels at a certain point of time... have you ever thought some times that u want to get a msg across to somebody but u don't know how or at times u jsut can't? maybe those who created blogs had the intention of doing so, to share their intrinsic point of view perhaps to a selected group of people or maybe even to the rest of the world...

i believe mine's the latter...

i've got off hand comments that states my blog very emo, comments that my blog is somewhat rather personal...

perhaps this is how i like it to be... i hope i never had offended anyone with my post in my blog... it's just a style that i'm comfortable with..

or sometimes all u want to say in a blog is something simple like
"it's been a long day"
"things are just not in my way"
-or-
"i want to say something but i just don't noe how to say kinda feeling"

strange isn't it.. sometimes some things are easier said thru a blog rather than straight to a person.. u might think it's not but u'll be surprised when u actually have that kinda feeling u'll know there's never an end to ur blogging...

perhaps i'm here trying to change the way how ppl blog so they too can blog more about their inner feelings and thoughts so perhaps we can share and jump into their boat and dwell in their miseries or happiness...

or perhaps u r just waiting for a call to come but deep inside u know it won't come..

or perhaps u want to sms someone but knowing well that that person whom u are going to sms hardly replies ur messages prob that someone feels awkward to do so...

or am i just too complicated to comprehend?

i'll just let my blog speaks for itself....

the stay

2007-01-24T00:02:00.000+08:00

it's horrendous.. it always is.. especially if it's ur first time to stay in that building which houses so many docs and nurses and of course sick ppl like me...

i was never hospitalised before... and sometimes when we study in BS and when jambu said that all the patient wants is just a chat and some kind assurance, i begin to understand why... i've stayed for 3 nites and 4 days after a massive gastroenteritis (layman's term:diarrhoea).. i'm down with an e coli infection and of course i suffered terribly with a record breaking toilet visit of 17 times in a day till i couldn't walk anymore... my butt is sore and at times my stomach makes noise as loud as a trumpet.. u don't need a stethoscope to auscultate cuz u'll go deaf... it's just as loud as a elephant's snort...

but i had xandra who never failingly came to visit me throughout my stay in hospital.. she came from morning till evening.. and i appreciate it a lot.. she kept me company on days when i felt that i was the most lonely person with no one to talk to... and in fact sometimes if there's no one else to talk to, you can actually cry yourself to bed because it's just depressing... i realy do appreciate it a lot... thank you dear..

what i did in bed was to talk to the person beside me... in fact i have a story to share with you all a true story... unabridged.. the best i could remember cuz the patient came in only on my last nite i'm gonna spend in hospital and i'm checking out the next day so we chatted till 1am.. and i was attracted to their story.. it's mix of love, tragedy, marriage and parenting...

the patient next to me was the ex deputy general manager of TNB.. yeah.. tenaga nasional.. and he came in with his wife who accompanied him... total accumulated clerking history time: 5/6 hours..

both of them met in uk back then during the japanese occupation.. she was 24 and so was he... he was studying in london polytechnic as an engineer and she, in bristol university in a degree in teaching.. they were of both opposite character... she, an introvert and he, a complete extrovert... in fact they were of opposites in many ways... she's a christian.. a very strong one.. and he, a buddhist a very strong one as well.. along the way of reliving back her youthful memories of dates at the cafe, drinking only tea cuz it's cheap and refillable and recounting back those days when he took her to the theater watching black and white screenings of the latest movie in town, she did shed a tear or two...

she came to know him from a friend of hers.. and since being an introvert, she rarely engaged herself in social nights or any function that normally brought the malaysian community together there at that time.. mind you during the colonial days, the no of malaysian students who were able to go to the uk to study were very very rare... so since the community was small everyone seem to know everybody... but he was a totally diff personality.. he was an extrovert who enjoyed parties and flirting with numerous girls dancing with them till the dance floor closed...

so both of them met somewhere at central london in 1953/4 through an acquaintance.. and he was dating another girl during that time and so was she, also seeing another guy.. but she was struck by his outwardness, his ability to express himself.. and his extrovertness at the beginning which she found was a bit too much to be tolerated, later began to enjoy his company day after day... then when both sides found out that even though they knew they were attached with someone else, they both took their chances together...

-here she didn't elaborate what 'took their chances' mean... i tried to press on but of course it's P&C-

her friend warned her about their differences.. even to the tiniest bit of religion and upbringing.. but she had faith... or was it blind faith that saw her through every tragedy that later came into her life with the man whom she put her life into... they both had a son.. one son.. their only child at the age of 30.. they were married at 26.... and it was then with the arrival of their son, which then spurn a story of mixed emotions, one that's filled with love, tragedy, arguements and distrust.. but it was then that she told me she found there was a god who guided them through every single rough patch in their life...

they fought over which school should their son go to.. they fought for which religion should the son be exposed to... and she knew that he attended church becuase he wanted to please her and not because he was a servant of god.. but she kept quiet and so did he.. little by little, differences that built up along the way that wasnb't expressed soon erupted when the son reached his turning point in life.. his tertiary education... what both wanted their son to become.. suddenly both parties couldn't compromise anymore...

she wanted her son to be a doctor and he wanted their son to be an engineer... and she recalled their bitter fights and his bitter scolding of harsh words in cantonese that inflicted wounds that were so deep that she cried everytime when she goes to bed... their son in the end went to edinburgh to do medicine and now is a specialist in a hospital in canada... but then they both fought becuase of their differences in everything... he compromised a lot in order the marriage to go on smoothly and so did she.. but we are humans.. and there will be a point when we all reach our peak and then we break.. and so did she...

it was then she found god by her side... guiding her throughout her ordeal.. she was hospitalised for stroke back then in the 1980's and whenever she felt alone, she always called out to god... and her favourite quote to me which i remembered real clearly was 'God is great... not a second early not a second late...'

they both made it through their marriage after years of differences but they both know one thing.. that marriage is of sacrifice and sown with heartfelt love... now he's admitted with a stroke that cost him his hearing on one side of the ear.. we became fast friends becuase i was watching how nadal nearly got upsetted by andy murray and he shared the same passion in commenting on tennis matches though both of us played no tennis at all... our friendship of being hospitalised together sparked off in that manner..

but before i left, she left something hanging for me to think about... she said...

- what if i followed the other man and not him? what if i obeyed and took my friend's advice?-

i had no answer... and all she ended it very well...

-we make choices sometimes we don't know of.. if we would have known do you really think we would cherish the ones we have beside us now? i took the road less taken.. now it's your turn.. use it wisely-

i left with millions of questions running through my head.. it's the 'what if's' that always keep us pondering...

but as i said earlier, if there's the 'what if's' there's no joy and happiness in life.. for everyday will be a joyful day and the day of sadness shall not come... but god made us into flesh and blood and a mankind of feelings.. and i know, he will look over everyone of us in anyway in whatever religion to guide us through the rightful path in life...

And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not.

Isaiah 58.11

loving jay chou

2007-01-16T12:35:00.000+08:00

he's the best...

better than the rest...

who dares to disagree with me??

ahahahahaha.... boredom... waiting to go out to celebrate hwei wan's bday and just listening to jay's song...

he's just soooo super duper califragalisticespialidocious good isn't he??

this one u have to agree with me...

no doubts...

ahhhhhhhhh.... how come i can't remember anything about general pathology now??? *sobs*

-back to reading pathology-

this post is randomness...

我爱你周杰倫!!! =)

bliss

2007-01-13T00:13:00.000+08:00

what more can u get in a day after spending some time watching my fav 'curse of the golden flower' and later rushed out halfway of the show cuz sis' bag was in the car which i accidentally took without checking and rushed to usj 2 and back to the cinema in er.. 15 mins?

-palpitations-

what do you get after having 3 consecutive days of squash training which starts at 8.30pm and ends at 10.30pm?

-er... hungry stomach and muscle ache? oh.. and blogging at this hour...=P-

what do you get with multiple complains of muscle aches?

-free massage by this masseur who declines to be name.. ehehhee... but she goes by the name of mousy... was it free by the way? oh.. she charges very very exorbitantly high interest rates of a couple of thumps in the back... ehehhehe... bluek!-

finally...

oh and what feeling do you get while eating 2 packs of indo mee and downing a cup of hot milo kosong kau kau kurang manis after a long squash training nite and blogging while watching house md?

-ah... heavenly.. this is bliss-

this post is so pei-ish... this is so not jen lye's style... argh... stop infecting me!!!!! wwaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh~~~~

bluek!

the weird feeling...

2007-01-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

i don't know why am i blogging at such an hour when i'm supposed to sleep...
perhaps my heart has got something to say but i just don't know how to say it...
or is it that exams are coming and i just went too sien reading notes...
or is it i'm wondering whether when the moon awakes, the same old dream repeats again...
it's just the same old dream...

but...

i can't seem to understand it... or are dreams not meant to be understood at the very beginning? i don't know what's the meaning of it, but what i see is just a lady, at a cliff, i can't make out her face, and she's veiled by the shrouding mist that covered most of her self...

she had a flowing lock in her hair and it was white... and her hair was long... shoulder length... and she's right at the edge of the cliff but she seems relaxed from the back... i stood there stunned and tried to tell her danger is approaching... but she doesn't seem to hear me... and everytime when i tried to approach her, i'll just wake up, my eyes blinked in shock, my dreams just stops right there...

just there... at the cliff, i tried warning but my throat is stuck...

i'm just wondering, who's she? why has it been my bedtime company for quite some time? what is the dream trying to tell me?

and the funny thing is that before i reached the cliff, i was dreaming i was in another place which i don't know of...

and the funny thing is instead of me trying to save her from falling, i fell instead...

sometimes i wonder when this dream started and at what time.. cuz the dream seems short when i put it out in words, but on some days, i'm awaken by this dream... as i regain my senses, i felt that my soul has left my body, detached, and my body shakes when i'm awake as if my soul returned from it's dreamland, (that's when i was having the free fall in my dreams...)

it's peculiar because i've tried to wait and see the face, but the lady didn't turn... i'm always awake before she turns her head...

she didn't turn... is that why the dream keeps repeating? till i find out who is it?

or somethings are just not meant to be found out?

or it's just a dream and it just remains as a dream?

i wonder...

New Year's Resolutions

2007-01-02T13:04:00.000+08:00

chaching!!!!

starts off with losing weight and fats... over 2006 i lost 7kg from 72kg - 65kg... target now is 60-62kg... do i really look that fat? *vanity*

to learn how to cook mum's dry chicken curry... i don't seem to able to get it... somehow the chicken is half burnt... cuz too dry.. i don't noe how to control the fire.. haih...

improving my stamina... over 2006, my run of non stop 7km uphill and downhill takes me roughly 23 mins... should cut down on the timing and make it shorter... fitness level is still in doubt... prob that's why i still pant on court... maybe i should cut down to just 20 mins? i'll be super fit by then...

improving my damn shots... i seem not to be improving since pj open... somehow i seem to be stagnant there... perhaps a change in training technique? my drops still suck!

and finally to be able to make it to sukma 2008.. my last chance cuz they extended the age gp limit to U-23.. even though reserve good enuf lar.. that's why i must start off with losing weight and fats... and improving my stamina... perhaps it's jsut a dream.... haih.. my dad'll kill me if i miss eos 5 for sukma...

p/s: oh and yes... try.. yes just try not to have too many bak kut teh sessions with my kaki... it's killing me softly... starts off with endothelial damage, oxidation of LDL from the fats of bak kut teh, becomes foam cells, intimal smooth muscle migrates, formation of fibrous cap, then macrophage secretes interferons, fibrous cap ruptures, thrombosis, platelet aggregation, embolism and then... thromboembolism in coronary artery... then MI... blek!

that happens when u have too much of cvs during christmas and new year... happy new year to all of u!!!

oh... and praying someone would either
a) sponsor me a ticket to watch IL DIVO...=) or
b) get me the prince O3 tour racket... this one is a 2 die 4...=P

hugs~~~~
jens

xmas celebrations and reflections of the year...

2006-12-30T22:15:00.000+08:00

dear friends,

well, i wanted to blog about this a couple of days ago but too busy.. it's like exam's on the 5th of jan and worst is that even on new year's day also have to study much less go to kl for countdown for the new year... initially i thought of going to bangsar with u noe, the 'bujang lapuk' ppl but then have to call it off cuz it's like super guilty if i do so... i'll spend the weekend watching fireworks from the tv while trying to cram blood vessels drainage and embryology of the heart...

the kitchen before the party starts...

christmas this year was great... but just the fact that knowing felicia is going for a scoliosis operation in UH on the 6th jan just put a cold towel a bit on our christmas celebration. this year aunt called in a carol from a church and they started of by singing amazing grace.. the carol group comprises of a mother and her daughters... and they were great cuz it's the songs that they sing and their voices brings warmth in a very hostile world outside... i've got to know aunt felicia becuase she's cai lin's mum... and i met cai lin way back when i was in form 1 when my aunt threw a party for her in sunway lagoon... that time she wasn't in the national swimming squad yet but after a shift from synchronise swimming to just swimming, she did very well after that... cai lin and her mum pops in during xmas now quite often and it was from christmas party that we renew our friendship... jen lye=21 yrs old with aunt felicia= 50+ yrs old.. and boy! she can really do the tango cuz she was my partner in some game for the party...

the carolling band...
but she'll be going into OT on 6th jan due to scoliosis.. it was pretty quite obvious now cuz the pain has become less and less bearable.. and when after the amazing grace was sung, she was already streaming with tears... i feel sad for her as well cuz it's a very dangerous operation and i do hope she'll make it out safely... i've gave my word to her to visit her and i will...

ah... we had of course plenty of food... great food with western blend and asian taste... it was in all great and we had turkey... boy after dinner i felt i weighed an extra couple of kilos... fine dining at it's best! =)
the eastern cuisine
the korean style food..
chinese style prawns... fuh.. i tell u... i ate 12 prawns!! clogging up my arteries...=P
a mountain of ferrero rocher and desserts..
more desserts and wines...
the turkey with cranberry sauce...
my uncle and me....
dining... that's aunt felicia with the polka dot blouse... pls pray for her ppl k? thanks...=)

i felt blessed with things that i have now with me... blessed that god has kept me safe in many ways... touch wood i've got nothing and i'm fine and both my parents and sis is fine... and i'm having a good education so that i can have a better future... of course we envy sometimes on what others have but then it's always one thing that i'll remember till today if i don't have anything that even though i crave for... god will provide enough... this christmas is a time to recollect back our memories of friendship and familial ties... and put our prayers into hope and faith that we'll do our best and live our life to the fullest with no regrets and god himself will take care of the rest..

as the year draws it's curtain behind me, i have to say that i will walk into the new year with full of hope, faith and love to share with everyone... mistakes that i've made in the past shall stay on with me as a lesson learned and not to be repeated... and sometimes even though i feel that friends around me who don't accept me as i am as in i'm somebody's friend's friend that kinda thing, i guess patience should be given and let time takes it course...

and one thing that i've learned throughout my 2006 is that time is a great healer... it can heal wounds that you never expect to heal... it can give a person some time for soul searching.. and finally it can give someone enough time to know what they really want in life... and while the clock ticks away, one keeps busy with daily chores to forget something that's painful and persevere on till one day the heart is finally ready to accept an apology that's been so difficult to come to terms with at the very beginning...

we all are humans.. we are nothing close to perfect... we throw away the bad and pick up the good so we can be a better person in some way... there's frustration throughout my year in 2006 and of course if everything was smooth, then even the good has no place for cherished memories...

finally, as the new year looms ahead, i shall walk into it with a heart full of confidence, of perseverance, of hope, of faith, and of love... i wish my family, relatives, friends and enemies alike a very happy new year... if i have ever said or did anything that have hurt your feelings in some way, i'm sorry... may your year ahead be filled with joy and laughter and happiness... and there's plenty of love to be shared around... do that and i'm sure the year ahead will be a better year that's awaiting us...

here are some undated pics about me throughout the year 2006...
posers unlimited with nina...
and with sis and nina...
the cousins.. nina, sis, and e wah...
family trip to genting...
my 21st bday....
the group who came for my bday... thanks!

steamboat at yuen's with xan, hwei wan, pei, denise and geoff..
as squash coach during my electives...
my dear jie whom i really do miss in moscow... thanks for being a great friend in many ways...

me and xan... muax!
the genting trip... wonderful memories...

with xan in wong kok char chan teng during kitty's bday...
gaik chin, me, joy and wei cheng... great senior friends from seremban... miss u ppl loads!

and finally the imu buddies whom i shall cherish and stay thru thick and thin...=)

signing off with warmest regards,
jens

p/s: i've post some pics from the party itself and of other occasions that i would like to reflect upon..
have a pleasant new year 2007..=)

My Christmas Dream

2006-12-23T21:57:00.000+08:00

i'm all plugged into Il Divo's album and it's their 4 voices that serenades my mind this moment... even though some of their songs are in spanish but their vocals are really great... really really great...

and all i can do now is dream of attending their concert... IL DIVO LIVE IN KUALA LUMPUR... but the cheapest ticket which was priced at RM500 and even the RM800 were sold out... it was such a heart ache for me... in fact when anne told me that they were coming, i should just jump into calling ticket axess and book the ticket.. but it's like RM500.. yeah... cheapest...

and today after checking the ticket selling, the diamond seating(VIPs and Ministers, which i think it's priced at RM2000) were sold out.. left was only RM1500 and RM1000 tickets.....

and all i can do now is just to wait till the day i start working and i made myself a vow to watch them live singing... because their songs pierces deep into your soul and heart and it stays forever... i did watch their recorded concert at my aunt's place during their europe tour... they only sang 5 songs.... and i could just stare and watch the dvd replay and replay for 3 times... they were just sooo good... and they are...

as i said, it's just a christmas dream... a dream of a RM1000 ticket to watch il divo... their music brings a different genre altogether... it's different from others because they can just make music even without violins, cellos or guitars if they want to... it's their voices that keeps my notes reading on and on.... they made me enjoy music like how music is meant to be enjoyed...

don't get me wrong... i do love jay chou.... but il divo's in a class of their own... just a class of their own... untouched by anyone... it's not something that u get very often.. maybe a century you'll get a group that makes MUSIC.. yes... just with their pure voices...

to go to their concert is really a dream... perhaps sometimes dreams are called dreams because we are in a world of reality... maybe i'll get the chance to go when i start making money on my own... but till then, i guess i have to make do with watching them on dvds and listening to them on cds...

get their ancora album or their christmas album... plug it into ur ears and let them take you for a ride....

and i promise you you'll fall in love with them... just like how i did... they could make me shed tears over their singing... mesmerised... enchanted...

guess that enuf said....=) LONG LIVE IL DIVO!!

無間道

2006-12-21T23:06:00.000+08:00

無間道 - 梁朝偉 & 劉德華

梁︰不　我不願意結束
　　我還沒有結束
　　無止境的旅途
劉︰看著我　沒停下的腳步
　　已經忘了身在何處

梁︰誰能改變　人生的長度
　　誰知道永恆有多麼恐怖
劉︰誰了解生存往往比命運還殘酷
　　只是沒有人願意認輸

梁︰我們都在不斷趕路忘記了出路
　　在失望中追求偶爾的滿足
劉︰我們都在夢中解脫清醒的苦
　　流浪在燈火闌珊處
合︰去不到終點　回到原點
　　享受　那走不完的路

劉︰一路上演出難得糊塗
梁︰一路上回顧難得麻木
劉︰在這條親密無間的路
梁︰讓我像你
劉︰你像我
合︰怎麼會孤獨

合︰既然沒終點　回到原點
　　我想　我們都不　不在乎

無間道(粵語) Mou Gaan Dou

華︰我　要為我活下去
　　也代你活下去
　　捱極也未曾累
偉︰忘掉我　有沒有在陶醉
　　若有未來依然要去追

華︰生命太短　明日無限遠
　　始終都不比永遠這樣遠
偉︰不理會世上長路太多終點太少
　　木馬也要去繼續轉圈

華︰明明我已昨夜無間　踏盡面前路
　　夢想中的彼岸為何還未到
偉︰明明我已奮力無間　天天上路
　　我不死也為活得好
華及偉︰有沒有終點　誰能知道
　　在這塵世的無間道

華︰如何能離開失樂園
偉︰能流連忘返總是情願
華︰要去到極樂條長路遠
偉︰吃苦中苦
華︰苦中苦
偉及華︰熱永不間斷

華及偉︰快到終點　才能知道
　　又再回到起點　從頭上路

the unending road...
never ending...

complicated minds

2006-12-17T22:38:00.000+08:00

minds...
they can be wonderful...
they can be strange...
they can be tactful...
they can be far thinking...
but worst... they can be deceiving...

please welcome...
THE DEPARTED...

i've spent today watching this show and not reading my cvs notes... i'm supposed to study embrology but heck... it's soooo good till i can't resist the tempation... and no regrets... it's the BEST.. yeah D BEST in terms of BEST movie on undercover police...

basically it's about cramming the whole wu jian dao "infernal affairs"無間道 1,2,3 into a single 2 and a half hour show... it's so copy cat but somehow i love watching these kinda undercover trying to be somebody else, influencing and playing mind games and see who cracks first... story line is EXACTLY the same man... i wonder how lame can the directors be... EXACTLY the same... the scene where leonardo di caprio was shot in the lift on the way down was like exactly how tony leung got shot too... and how his boss got thrown down from the building and killed was exactly how inspector wong died in infernal affairs..
both shows also boast a star studded cast with infernal affairs led by andy lau, tony leung, lai meng, wong chau sang, edison chen and shawn yue.. that goes as well for 'the departed' with stars like matt damon, leonardo di caprio, jack nicholson, mark wahlberg, martin sheen(from the west wing) and alec baldwin...

i love infernal affairs.. all 3 of them... becuase it's real cool.. triad members wearing shades and shooting policemen... and of course it's tony leung and andy lau man!!! super star!!!=P

it was all a repeat of infernal affairs but this time with hollywood actors.. but it was great cuz leonardo's acting was 1st class... seriously... in fact i think his expression was far better than tony leung's in infernal affairs 3... in fact this show was exactly the same but without infernal affairs 2... cuz i think they didn't have the time to remake all 1,2,3 and left out part 2.. but they managed to do a pretty good job though the story line is the same...

but what i'm impressed is that this show was actually based on true stories of undercover police officers who dwell deep into the hong kong triad back before 1997... they have to lie in order to survive... tortured to prevent the truth from leaking... and when even get the stares of own fellow policemen who cast the shadow of doubt even after the case has been resolved...

sometimes they lie till the don't know who they really are... finally matt damon (who played the role of andy lau) tries to eliminate all jack nicholson's (who played the role of eric tsang) spies in the police force only to be killed later in the end by mark wahlberg (who played the role of sam cheng)... he tries to take out all spies because all he wants to be is to be with his doctor girlfriend and to be a good guy... “我要做好人”-劉健明... and of course, he killed his very own boss, jack nicholson just like how andy lau shot eric tsang... i'm actually a big fan of infernal affairs and when i got to know hollywood's reenactment of this trilogy, i was thrilled.. but the only draw back was of course by comparing both the chinese version and the english one... but of course, we have to take into account that infernal affairs was a trilogy... the departed is just a single shooting...

and it's like a one for one substitute for acting... even dad could predict what happens next... even when matt damon face to face with jack nicholson in the crossfire of policemen, how jack nicolson found out that matt damon betrayed him (by calling his handphone) was just the same like how eric tsang called for andy lau when he was cornered...

but as i said, it's real good acting.. both matt and leonardo really did a good job... but what makes me love watching this show is that how much a person is willing to lose to go so far into what they are doing... lying to oneself at one instant and seeing a psychiatrist later to pour out his pent up feelings not knowing that the psychiatrist is actually his rival's girlfriend... ahahha... so farny lar... somehow both matt and leonardo didn't meet till the rooftop incident.. and the face off with a handgun at matt damon's head is just the same like in infernal affairs..

last but not least, for those who love infernal affairs, i suggest to give the departed a shot... try not to compare that much and let the movie take u for a ride... i of course talk too much cuz was soooooo eager to comment everytime when i see a similarity between both the chinese and english version so i already started evaluating right from the start... i guess that took pretty much of the fun away...

oh and yes... finally... as for fans of jay chou (like me), don't forget to catch his 'curse of the golden flower' coming out on 21st dec before christmas!!! oh boy! i love christmas and of course an avid fan of jay chou!!! so pls pls pls don't forget to watch ok????? you will love it!!! i promise you!!! =) ehehehhee...=)

he's so cool isn't he... you've got to agree with me...=)